Spouter's companion/The Country Schoolmaster

THE COUNTRY SCHOOLMASTER.

A Country Schoolmaster, high Jonas Bell,
⁠Once undertook of little souls,
⁠To furnish up their jobbernowls—
In other words, he taught them how to spell.
And well adapted to the task was Bell,
Whose iron visage measur'd half an ell;
With huge proboscis, and eye-brows of soot,
⁠Arm'd at the jowl just like a boar,
⁠And when he gave an angry roar,
The little schoolboys stood like fishes, mute.

Poor Jonas, tho' a patient man as Job,
(Yet still, like Job, was sometimes heard to growl,)
Was by a scholar's adamantine nob,
Beyond all patience gravell’d to the soul;
I question whether Jonas in the Fish
Did ever diet on a bitterer dish.
'Twas thus-a lady who supported Bell,
Came unexpectedly to hear them spell;
The pupil fixed on by this pedagogue,
Her son, a little round-fac'd, ruddy rogue,
Who thus letters on tho table laid—
M.I.L.K.—and paused—"Well, sir, what's that?"
"I cannot tell," the boy all trembling said—
"Not tell, you little blind and stupid brat;
Not tell, "-roar'd Jonas in a violent rage,
And quick prepared an angry war to wage—
"Tell me this instant, or I'll flay thy hide—
⁠Come Sir,
Dost thou this birchen weapon see?
What puts thy mother in her tea?"
With lifted eyes the quaking rogue reply'd,
⁠"RUM, Sir...."