The English Housekeeper/Chapter 1
THE ENGLISH HOUSEKEEPER.
CHAPTER I.
GENERAL OBSERVATIONS.
It would be impossible to give rules for the management of a domestic establishment, because they would necessarily be subject to many and various exceptions, produced by various circumstances. But a few general observations, accompanied by remarks on the most important matters in domestic life, may not be unacceptable to young housekeepers.
In the young and thoughtless, a spirit of emulation, leading them to vie with those who are richer than themselves, is often the source of domestic unhappiness, by causing so much to be sacrificed to appearance, as to circumscribe the means of enjoying the substantial comforts of life. It sometimes manifests itself in houses, equipages, and retinues of servants; but amongst persons of moderate income, for whose use this work is principally intended, it is commonly displayed in costly furniture and expensive entertainments. Many young married women conceive the notion, that unless they have as fine a house, as expensive furniture, plate, china, and glass, as some others have, and give as fine entertainments as others give; in short, unless they make the appearance of living quite as well as their richer neighbours, they will not be held in equal estimation. It is not that they derive any real pleasure from the false appearance which they make; indeed, expensive furniture is but an annoyance to its possessor, if there be not a sufficient number of good servants to keep it in order. Where the whole family concur in this sort of pride, no mortification arises from difference of opinion, but the unanimity tends only to accelerate the ruin.
The young housekeeper should consider the serious consequences that are likely to result from setting out in a style of lavish expenditure, and she should remember that, while it is easy to extend, it is extremely difficult to reduce, her establishment. One expensive article requires another to correspond with it, and one expensive entertainment imposes the necessity of other equally expensive entertainments; for it requires no small share of moral courage to risk the loss of consequence which may result by its being surmised that we are not so well off, as we have been supposed to be. And when the time comes, as sooner or later it assuredly must, when the means are not adequate to the demands, what sacrifices are made, and what unseemly contrivances are resorted to, in order to keep up, to the last, a poor remnant of "appearance!" and, when this can no longer be effected, then comes the humiliation, with all the bitter feelings attendant upon retrenchment; of all which feelings, the bitterest is, the dread of being degraded in the world's estimation. To endure privations with resignation, to feel the want of habitual comforts, yet be grateful for the blessings which are left to us, is the duty of every Christian, and is the less arduous when the reverse of fortune which has befallen us, has not been produced by any fault of our own. But if, in addition to the distresses of adversity, the wife and the mother be doomed to writhe under the pang of self-reproach, great indeed must be her suffering, and one for which I can suggest no adequate relief. To the young and generous-minded, the hardest portion which accompanies reverses of fortune, is, the change which they sometimes produce in the behaviour of acquaintances. When we are become poorer than we were, and have lost the ability to entertain guests in the accustomed manner, it is painful to perceive some of those very people who have been the most hospitably entertained, and who, in our prosperity, have appeared the most attached to us, turn from us and our difficulties, while they banish from their minds the recollection of past kindness. To meet with indifference in those whose smiles have courted ours; to feel that we have thrown away sincere friendship upon mere heartlessness, is hard to be endured, even by the faultless, but how intolerable must it be, when aggravated by the consciousness that we have incurred it by our own misconduct. To the experienced, this is one of the severest vicissitudes of life; what, then, must it be to us, before we have acquired that equanimity of mind, which falls only to the lot of those who have passed through the ordeal of the world, and who have been amply compensated for the desertion of the many, by the sincerity, the warmth of heart, and the steadfastness of the few.
Houses and furniture properly belong to the extraordinary expenses of the household. When a young woman is called upon to exercise her judgment in the choice of a house, she must pause before she rejects one which, though she may consider it rather too small, might, nevertheless, be made to accommodate the family well enough, and might be fitted up at a less cost than a larger one. Such a house would require fewer servants, and would certainly present a better appearance, than one that is rather too large for the quantity, or for the style of its furniture, and is, perhaps, larger than is actually required for the number of its inhabitants. It is easier to remove from a small to a large house, when circumstances require it, than it is to remove from a large to a small one. It is so easy to increase our wants, and so difficult to reduce them, that young persons should begin the world with caution, and not multiply their wants, lest, in time, they lack the means of gratifying them.
In fitting up a house, the young housekeeper, who sets out with a determination to choose furniture suitable to her circumstances and station in life, will be content with that which is just good enough, rather than be induced to exceed her previous good intentions, and gratify her fancy at the expense of her comforts. She must never yield to the seductive reflection, that "only five pounds more cannot make much difference;" for, the same argument may be equally applied to the sofa, the tables, the carpet, the curtains, the grate, the fire-irons and fender; all of which are necessary to furnish a dining room; to say nothing of the lamps, the mirrors, and other articles of ornament, which fashion in some cases makes of absolute necessity. If "only five pounds" be given for some of these, and two, or even one pound, for others, more than is necessary, she will find that the "difference" is very great by the time that she has fitted up only one room.
The rage for vying with our superiors shows itself in the bad taste which encumbers houses with unsuitable furniture. Massive sideboards, and unwieldy chairs, occupy too much space in a small room, while draperies not only obscure the light, but have an inelegant appearance, unless the room be large and lofty, or in keeping with the size and weight of cornices, cords, tassels, and other ornaments, which give offence to the eye when too gorgeous or prominent. Of equal bad taste, is the habit of occasionally changing furniture, to suit the varying of fashions; which is so much the practice that even persons in trade, having families to provide for, change furniture, sufficiently good to serve its purpose for a lifetime, for other no handsomer, but a little more fashionable.
It is strange that persons pretending to gentility should not rather imitate the higher class of their superiors, who value their high-backed chairs the more because they are old, and would on no account exchange them for modern finery. When expensive furniture is introduced into the houses of persons of small fortune, the long upholsterer's bill rises like a phantom before the misplaced couches, ottomans, and ottoman sofas, crowded into small drawing rooms; and my feelings of regret become almost feelings of indignation on seeing plate, which belonged to fathers and mothers, or to grandfathers and grandmothers, and spoons which have touched those lips which spoke tenderness to our infancy, about to be bartered for the "Prince's," the "King's," or the "fiddle pattern," or for some other pattern that may happen to offer the newest temptation to vulgar taste.
Every young woman who has the good taste to wish that her house may be characterised by its simplicity, and be more remarkable for comfort than for show, will, if she wish to spare herself and her family much discomfort, avoid having show-rooms; such rooms, I mean, as are considered too fine to be habitually occupied by the family, and are, therefore, kept shut up; except when, on particular occasions, and perhaps only a few times in the year, a fire is lighted for the reception of company. Upon such occasions, children are seen to look about them as if they had never beheld the place before; the master of the house fidgets from one seat to another, as if he were anywhere but at home; and it is probable, that before the entertainment is over, the mistress of the house is heard to remark, that she is "never so comfortable as in the room she is accustomed to;" by which her friends discover that their visit has put her out of the way. True hospitality conceals from guests any trouble which their presence may unavoidably occasion; but in the luxurious taste of the times, there is little real hospitality left: friendly intercourse seems lost in ostentatious display, and in our vain attempts to equal, if not to outshine, each other. Most persons acknowledge this to be the case, and lament that it is so; yet few have the courage to pursue a different system.
There is no species of decoration which produces so much effect in ornamenting a house as flowers. The artificial productions of the painter and the upholsterer, the gilded ceilings, glittering mirrors, and couches of brocade, are more splendid and durable, and are worthy of admiration for their individual beauty and the ingenuity and industry which has produced them, but they have not the lively, gay, and varied attractions of flowers. Vases, whether gaudy or elegant, excite interest only as mere objects of curiosity, unless filled with flowers.
To point to any particular department of the household, as demanding the greatest share of attention, would tend rather to mislead than instruct; for a due proportion ought to be bestowed upon every department; where the mistress of the house is over particular on any one point, other matters, of equal importance, may be neglected.
Perfect and uniform neatness is indispensable, not only for comfort, but appearance. By uniform neatness, I mean, that nothing which presents itself, whether about the house, in the dress of mistress, children, or servants, should be left open to unfavourable remark. A young lady who relaxes in attention to her own dress, merely because she has more important cares after, than she had before her marriage, does wrong; but she whose studied attire forms a contrast to the little soiled fingers which are forbidden to approach it; she who strikes the beholder as having bestowed care on herself, while her children bear the appearance of neglect, does infinitely worse. To preserve the neatness of a house, there must be regular attention on the part of the mistress. I am a great enemy to the system of periodical scrubbings and general house-cleanings, which prevails to so great an extent, and especially in the country, where, when the appointed day comes round, carpets are taken up, and floors, even though they be delicately clean, are washed, whether the weather be suitable or otherwise, the health of the family being left to take its chance. The day of general house-cleaning is no other than a day of commotion and discomfort. One attendant evil is, the make-up dinner, which does not, perhaps, content all the family; and it is a singular piece of good fortune if friends do not select that very day for paying you a visit. It is certainly a more simple process to clean a house, than it is to keep a house clean; for mere labour is required for the one, while method is necessary for the other. But this method every young housekeeper should endeavour to acquire. Sweeping, dusting, and polishing, should proceed daily. Carpets should be swept every day with a hair broom; but only once a week with a carpet broom, because it wears them: and damp tea leaves should always be used, whether in sweeping carpets or boards, as they lay the dust, which would otherwise fly over the furniture, and again settle on the floor. Bed room carpets should be in different pieces, not nailed to the floor, for the convenience of shaking, which may then be done once in a week. Bed rooms should be swept every day, and a damp mop passed under the beds, chests of drawers, &c., &c., which will remove all the flue and dust, and prevent accumulation of dirt, so that the washing of boards will not be so often required during the winter. In summer, indeed, frequent washings refreshen the atmosphere, and are also beneficial in removing the collections of light dust which engender insects so difficult to get rid of.
Upon the subject of wet boards, I believe that my dislike to great scrubbings was acquired in that cleanest of cities, Philadelphia; where, though American servants do not and will not work so hard as English servants, yet, because it was the custom of the place, they were, notwithstanding severe cold, everlastingly scrubbing the stairs during the months of December and January. Some years afterwards, at Rome, one of the dirtiest of cities, and in the middle of summer, I recalled to mind, with a complacency I had never bestowed on them before, the scrubbing-brushes and the curd-white pails of Philadelphia, and marvelled, as every one must, that in wet and cold countries people wash their houses so much, and that, in hot and dry countries, they do not wash them at all.
With regard to the ordinary expenses of housekeeping, the most important branch of domestic duty which devolves upon the mistress is, to estimate and keep an exact account of the expenditure of her family. She may make this a simple affair by first ascertaining the sum of money to be allotted to it, and then making such arrangements as will confine the expenses rigidly within that sum. By keeping a strict account of every article for the first three months, and making a due allowance for casualties, she will be able to form an estimate for the year; and if she find she has exceeded in these three months the allotted sum, she must examine each article, and decide where she can best diminish the expense; and then, having this average to go by, she may calculate how much to allow each month for meat, bread, groceries, washing, and sundries. Having formed her plan, whatever excess circumstances may have required in one month, she must make up for in the next. I should not advise paying for everything at the moment, but rather once a week; for if a tradesman omit to keep an account of the money received for a particular article, he may, by mistake, make a charge for it, as something had upon trust. A weekly account has every advantage of ready money, and is a more convenient mode of payment. All tradesmen may be paid on a Monday morning, the bills receipted, endorsed, and put by in a portfolio or case (which should have the date of the year on the outside), and they can then be referred to as vouchers, or to refresh the memory as to the price of any particular article. It is a satisfaction, independently of the pecuniary benefit, for the head of a family to be able, at the end of the year, to account to herself for what she has done with her money.
Having, in the arrangement of her house, and in the choice of her servants, kept in view the two main objects, namely, the comfort of her family, and the care of her purse, the young housekeeper ought to commence her career, by strictly adhering to order and regularity in the performance of those duties which devolve peculiarly upon herself. If the mistress of a house be regular in the superintendence of her domestic affairs, if she proceed every day to each department at the appointed time, and never pass over any neglect, in such a manner as to give the servants an idea that it had escaped her observation; if, in short, she be regular herself, her servants must be so too, and she will find the business of housekeeping a matter of no difficulty, and of comparatively little labour.
The comfort and respectability of a house depend, in a great degree, upon the servants. Clean, neatly-dressed, and well-behaved servants, always impress a visitor with a favourable idea of the mistress of a house; while it is scarcely possible not to be somewhat prejudiced against her, if they be the reverse.
Servants who understand their work, and do it without being continually looked after, are invaluable; and, as regards wages, not to be compared with ignorant and incapable ones, who perform their services only as they are directed at every turn. A few pounds a year more to a good servant is not, therefore, a consideration; the addition in wages will occasion little additional cost; for, the bad servant consumes as much as the other, and she wastes or damages more.
The hours of meals should vary as little as possible; particularly the first meal of the day; for the work may be said to commence immediately after breakfast, and when that takes place one hour only, after the usual time, the whole business of the house is retarded. In even the most regular families, the time of dining may unavoidably be postponed. But this should happen as seldom as possible: for if the dinner ordered for five, be kept waiting till half-past six, one day, and, perhaps, later still another day, the cook may be prevented from performing some other part of her work, for which she had allotted the time; she will naturally be dissatisfied in having to consume that time in watching over the dinner; and if the dinner upon which she has, perhaps, exerted her utmost skill, be spoiled by waiting, she may be excused if she reproach herself for having taken so much trouble in its preparation. If the trial of her patience and temper be repeated, she will soon take little interest in pleasing her employers; she will take her turn to be irregular, and that, perhaps, on some occasion when it may produce inconvenience to the family. Under such circumstances, it would be unreasonable to find fault with the cook, who would only be following the bad example of those whose duty it is to preserve regularity. Their hours for going to bed, and getting up, should be as early as other arrangements will permit. But, those ought to be so regulated as to make it unnecessary that the servants should be kept up late, except on extraordinary occasions. Late dinners have, in a great measure, done away with hot suppers. Where these are not eaten, the labours of the twenty-four hours may be ended by ten o'clock at night; and that is the latest hour at which the servants of a family of the middle rank, and of regular habits, ought to remain up. Some one of the family should see that fires have been put out, and doors and windows secured.
The honesty of servants depends, principally, upon their bringing up. But it also depends much, with young servants especially, upon the temptations to be dishonest they may have had to contend with; and it is the duty of every master and mistress to put all such temptations out of their way, as much as possible. The practice of locking up does not, as a matter of course, imply distrust, but it denotes care; and surely carefulness is one of the first principles to impress upon the mind of a poor person. I would as scrupulously avoid anything which should lead a servant to imagine that a drawer or tea-chest was locked up from her, as I would avoid giving the same idea to an acquaintance; but it is a culpable practice to leave tea, sugar, wine, or other things, open at all times, or only now and then locked up. The habit is bad; and it is the result, not of generosity, but of negligence; it is also a habit which cannot fail to excite, in the minds of experienced and well-disposed servants, feelings rather of contempt, than of respect for their employers; while to the young, and more particularly to those of unsettled principles, it is nothing less than a temptation to crime. Little pilferings at the tea-chest, perhaps, have been the beginning of that which has ended in depriving a poor girl of her character, and, consequently, of all chance of gaining her bread by honest means. To suspect servants of being disposed to be dishonest merely because they are servants, is as silly as it is unfeeling. I should never hesitate to give my keys to a servant, when it happened to be inconvenient to me to leave company, any more than I should hesitate to entrust them to one of my own family; but such an act of confidence is far different in its effects, from that neglect which often proceeds from mere idleness, and, while it proclaims a disregard of the value of property, is the occasion of much waste, and, in the end, proves as ruinous to the employer as it is fatal in the way of example to servants.
That "servants are plagues" may be the fact; but when the hardships which belong to the life of a maid-servant are taken into consideration, the wonder is, that they are not less obedient to the will of their employers, and more callous to their displeasure, than we really find them. It is too much the habit to regard servants as inferior beings, hired and paid to perform certain services, but whose feelings are unworthy of the consideration of those upon whom they wait, for whom they cook, and whom they enable to sit at their ease, or to go about, and take their pleasure. True, they are paid for what they do; but how paid? Not in a degree adequate to their services. The double or the treble of what they are paid, would not compensate us for the discomfort of having to work for ourselves. Yet, "they are paid for it," is said in justification of unreasonable demands upon the time, strength, and patience of servants; when, in fact, the whole of the pay to a female servant consists of that food, without which she would be unable to work, and of a sum of money, barely sufficient to keep her clothed, which she is required to be, for the credit of the house she lives in. Ladies who shudder as they meet the cold air, in descending to their breakfast rooms, forget the sufferings of the female servant, who has, perhaps, gone to bed over-night exhausted by fatigue, but whose duty compels her to rise again, some hours before she is rested, to begin her work afresh, and to do over again all that had been done the day before. A lady who thinks her servant sufficiently paid for all she endures, has never known what it is to get up in the dark of a cold winter morning, and to spend half-an-hour on her knees, labouring to produce a polish on the bars of a grate, which bars were burnt black yesterday, and will be burnt black again to-day. Such a lady has never suffered from the drudgery of a kitchen, not from the scorching of a kitchen fire, either of which is sufficient to impair the constitution of any woman, independently of all that wearing of the spirits, which those exposed to such trials must experience.
It is true, also, that it is by their own choice that servants go to service; they are not compelled to do so by any other law than that of necessity; but starvation is their only alternative; and we should think it hard to be reduced to the alternative of either starving to death, in the bloom of our youth, and of quitting a world which was made for us, as well as for our more fortunate fellow beings, or of yielding up the whole of our lives, to promote the ease of those who deem us amply rewarded, in being fed and clothed, and suffered to repose from toil, at those times only when their wants happen not to require our attention.
The apprehension of lowering our dignity and encouraging disrespect, by giving way to familiarity with inferiors, is pleaded by some as an excuse for haughty and overbearing demeanour towards servants. But such as adopt that kind of demeanour are mistaken. There are few better judges of good breeding than servants. Their ideas upon this subject are not formed by rules, or by fashions; but they have generally, from observation, a remarkably correct knowledge both of what is due to themselves, and of what is most becoming to the dignity of their superiors. I have occasionally been astonished at the quickness with which a servant has made the discovery, that some upstart person, notwithstanding her lofty bearing, "was no lady." The behaviour which characterises such persons is more likely to give rise to contempt, in those who are beneath them, than any behaviour that is unaffectedly conciliating and kind. To be loved, and to be cheerfully served, is for those only who respect the feelings, and consult the comfort of their dependents; and, as a single trait is often sufficient to reveal the whole character, they will most assuredly be disappointed, who expect to meet with the qualities which conduce to the happiness of domestic life, in a woman who considers the feelings of a female servant as unworthy of the same consideration as that which she gives to the feelings of others of her own sex.
With regard to the general character and merits of servants, nothing is more common than the remark, that "servants are not so good as they used to be." This is surely an error. There cannot be a greater predisposition to misconduct in them now than formerly. It may be said, that there are more frequent instances of bad conduct; but this does not warrant the idea, that the servants of the present day have a degree of inborn viciousness from which those of times past were free. If all who rail at the negligences, the waste, the want of care, the dislike of work, and the liking for dress and for gadding, to which servants are as much addicted as their betters; if all such were themselves as free from fault as they would have their servants be, it would probably be found that the effect, what with precept and example combined, would be quite enough to banish this commonplace remark. The truth is, that the change which has taken place in the habits of the middle class, has produced a change, but a very natural change, in the habits of those of a more humble station. There exists now a greater degree of high living than formerly; and consequently, a want of frugality, a waste in all sorts of ways, formerly unknown. Persons of moderate income keep more company than persons of the same class used to keep; they imitate the late hours, and other fashionable habits which used to be reckoned among the privileges of their superiors in fortune, instead of wisely avoiding emulation in such things, and keeping to their own more simple, and less hazardous mode of life. What wonder, then, if we find the most humble copying those of the middling, when the middling are doing all they can to rival those of the highest rank.
Servants were formerly more the object of care with their employers than they have been of late. When ladies gave a considerable portion of their time to domestic duties, and prided themselves on their skill in household matters, they were not above maintaining a certain degree of friendly intercourse with their servants. This afforded opportunities for giving good counsel, and for superintending their conduct, and was a more efficient check upon them than "a good scolding now and then," which many think better than "being always on the watch."
In addressing myself to young persons, it may not be considered impertinent or foreign to the general purpose of this work, to offer a few remarks upon the subject of company. I do not mean in respect to the selection of friends and acquaintance, or the kind of visitors proper to be invited, but simply as to the mode of entertaining them, which must, necessarily, be a matter of importance in housekeeping, and, therefore, comes properly within the scope of domestic economy.
It should be a rule, not to invite such visitors as cannot be entertained without trespassing on the comforts and conveniences of the family. True hospitality may be enjoyed without much ceremony, and may be practised in the plainest manner; but when efforts to entertain company disturb the usual arrangements of a house, they are inconsistent with their object. Let nothing, therefore, be attempted which cannot be performed without difficulty; let nothing be provided which cannot be provided plentifully; let nothing which is necessary be wanting, and nothing produced which may seem to be out of place or uncalled for. Do nothing, in short, which you cannot really afford to do; and the result will be, that while you consult your own ease, you will, at the same time, ensure that freedom from restraint which contributes, more than all besides, to make visiting agreeable, and which never fails to create in your departing guest, those mixed feelings of regret at going, but of pleasure at the prospect of returning, which are amongst the most flattering acknowledgments that genuine hospitality can receive.