The History of the Adventures of Joseph Andrews and his Friend, Mr. Abraham Abrams/Book IV, Chapter IX

CHAPTER IX.

_A visit which the polite Lady Booby and her polite friend paid to

the parson._

The Lady Booby had no sooner had an account from the gentleman of his

meeting a wonderful beauty near her house, and perceived the raptures

with which he spoke of her, than, immediately concluding it must be

Fanny, she began to meditate a design of bringing them better

acquainted; and to entertain hopes that the fine clothes, presents, and

promises of this youth, would prevail on her to abandon Joseph: she

therefore proposed to her company a walk in the fields before dinner,

when she led them towards Mr Adams's house; and, as she approached it,

told them if they pleased she would divert them with one of the most

ridiculous sights they had ever seen, which was an old foolish parson,

who, she said, laughing, kept a wife and six brats on a salary of about

twenty pounds a year; adding, that there was not such another ragged

family in the parish. They all readily agreed to this visit, and arrived

whilst Mrs Adams was declaiming as in the last chapter. Beau Didapper,

which was the name of the young gentleman we have seen riding towards

Lady Booby's, with his cane mimicked the rap of a London footman at the

door. The people within, namely, Adams, his wife and three children,

Joseph, Fanny, and the pedlar, were all thrown into confusion by this

knock, but Adams went directly to the door, which being opened, the Lady

Booby and her company walked in, and were received by the parson with

about two hundred bows, and by his wife with as many curtsies; the

latter telling the lady "She was ashamed to be seen in such a pickle,

and that her house was in such a litter; but that if she had expected

such an honour from her ladyship she should have found her in a better

manner." The parson made no apologies, though he was in his half-cassock

and a flannel nightcap. He said "They were heartily welcome to his poor

cottage," and turning to Mr Didapper, cried out, "_Non mea renidet in

domo lacunar_." The beau answered, "He did not understand Welsh;" at

which the parson stared and made no reply.

Mr Didapper, or beau Didapper, was a young gentleman of about four foot

five inches in height. He wore his own hair, though the scarcity of it

might have given him sufficient excuse for a periwig. His face was thin

and pale; the shape of his body and legs none of the best, for he had

very narrow shoulders and no calf; and his gait might more properly be

called hopping than walking. The qualifications of his mind were well

adapted to his person. We shall handle them first negatively. He was not

entirely ignorant; for he could talk a little French and sing two or

three Italian songs; he had lived too much in the world to be bashful,

and too much at court to be proud: he seemed not much inclined to

avarice, for he was profuse in his expenses; nor had he all the features

of prodigality, for he never gave a shilling: no hater of women, for he

always dangled after them; yet so little subject to lust, that he had,

among those who knew him best, the character of great moderation in his

pleasures; no drinker of wine; nor so addicted to passion but that a hot

word or two from an adversary made him immediately cool.

Now, to give him only a dash or two on the affirmative side: though he

was born to an immense fortune, he chose, for the pitiful and dirty

consideration of a place of little consequence, to depend entirely on

the will of a fellow whom they call a great man; who treated him with

the utmost disrespect, and exacted of him a plenary obedience to his

commands, which he implicitly submitted to, at the expense of his

conscience, his honour, and of his country, in which he had himself so

very large a share. And to finish his character; as he was entirely well

satisfied with his own person and parts, so he was very apt to ridicule

and laugh at any imperfection in another. Such was the little person, or

rather thing, that hopped after Lady Booby into Mr Adams's kitchen.

The parson and his company retreated from the chimney-side, where they

had been seated, to give room to the lady and hers. Instead of returning

any of the curtsies or extraordinary civility of Mrs Adams, the lady,

turning to Mr Booby, cried out, "_Quelle Bete! Quel Animal!_" And

presently after discovering Fanny (for she did not need the circumstance

of her standing by Joseph to assure the identity of her person), she

asked the beau "Whether he did not think her a pretty girl?"--"Begad,

madam," answered he, "'tis the very same I met." "I did not imagine,"

replied the lady, "you had so good a taste."--"Because I never liked

you, I warrant," cries the beau. "Ridiculous!" said she: "you know you

was always my aversion." "I would never mention aversion," answered the

beau, "with that face[A]; dear Lady Booby, wash your face before you

mention aversion, I beseech you." He then laughed, and turned about to

coquet it with Fanny.

[A] Lest this should appear unnatural to some readers, we think proper

   to acquaint them, that it is taken verbatim from very polite

   conversation.

Mrs Adams had been all this time begging and praying the ladies to sit

down, a favour which she at last obtained. The little boy to whom the

accident had happened, still keeping his place by the fire, was chid by

his mother for not being more mannerly: but Lady Booby took his part,

and, commending his beauty, told the parson he was his very picture. She

then, seeing a book in his hand, asked "If he could read?"--"Yes," cried

Adams, "a little Latin, madam: he is just got into Quae Genus."--"A fig

for quere genius!" answered she; "let me hear him read a little

English."--"Lege, Dick, lege," said Adams: but the boy made no answer,

till he saw the parson knit his brows, and then cried, "I don't

understand you, father."--"How, boy!" says Adams; "what doth lego make

in the imperative mood? Legito, doth it not?"--"Yes," answered

Dick.--"And what besides ?" says the father. "Lege," quoth the son,

after some hesitation. "A good boy," says the father: "and now, child,

what is the English of lego?"--To which the boy, after long puzzling,

answered, he could not tell. "How!" cries Adams, in a passion;--"what,

hath the water washed away your learning? Why, what is Latin for the

English verb read? Consider before you speak." The child considered some

time, and then the parson cried twice or thrice, "Le--, Le--." Dick

answered, "Lego."--"Very well;--and then what is the English," says the

parson, "of the verb lego?"--"To read," cried Dick.--"Very well," said

the parson; "a good boy: you can do well if you will take pains.--I

assure your ladyship he is not much above eight years old, and is out of

his Propria quae Maribus already.--Come, Dick, read to her

ladyship;"--which she again desiring, in order to give the beau time and

opportunity with Fanny, Dick began as in the following chapter.