The History of the Adventures of Joseph Andrews and his Friend, Mr. Abraham Abrams/Book IV, Chapter XI

CHAPTER XI.

_In which the history is continued._

Joseph Andrews had borne with great uneasiness the impertinence of beau

Didapper to Fanny, who had been talking pretty freely to her, and

offering her settlements; but the respect to the company had restrained

him from interfering whilst the beau confined himself to the use of his

tongue only; but the said beau, watching an opportunity whilst the

ladies' eyes were disposed another way, offered a rudeness to her with

his hands; which Joseph no sooner perceived than he presented him with

so sound a box on the ear, that it conveyed him several paces from where

he stood. The ladies immediately screamed out, rose from their chairs;

and the beau, as soon as he recovered himself, drew his hanger: which

Adams observing, snatched up the lid of a pot in his left hand, and,

covering himself with it as with a shield, without any weapon of offence

in his other hand, stept in before Joseph, and exposed himself to the

enraged beau, who threatened such perdition and destruction, that it

frighted the women, who were all got in a huddle together, out of their

wits, even to hear his denunciations of vengeance. Joseph was of a

different complexion, and begged Adams to let his rival come on; for he

had a good cudgel in his hand, and did not fear him. Fanny now fainted

into Mrs Adams's arms, and the whole room was in confusion, when Mr

Booby, passing by Adams, who lay snug under the pot-lid, came up to

Didapper, and insisted on his sheathing the hanger, promising he should

have satisfaction; which Joseph declared he would give him, and fight

him at any weapon whatever. The beau now sheathed his hanger, and taking

out a pocket-glass, and vowing vengeance all the time, re-adjusted his

hair; the parson deposited his shield; and Joseph, running to Fanny,

soon brought her back to life. Lady Booby chid Joseph for his insult on

Didapper; but he answered, he would have attacked an army in the same

cause. "What cause?" said the lady. "Madam," answered Joseph, "he was

rude to that young woman."--"What," says the lady, "I suppose he would

have kissed the wench; and is a gentleman to be struck for such an

offer? I must tell you, Joseph, these airs do not become you."--"Madam,"

said Mr Booby, "I saw the whole affair, and I do not commend my brother;

for I cannot perceive why he should take upon him to be this girl's

champion."--"I can commend him," says Adams: "he is a brave lad; and it

becomes any man to be the champion of the innocent; and he must be the

basest coward who would not vindicate a woman with whom he is on the

brink of marriage."--"Sir," says Mr Booby, "my brother is not a proper

match for such a young woman as this."--"No," says Lady Booby; "nor do

you, Mr Adams, act in your proper character by encouraging any such

doings; and I am very much surprized you should concern yourself in it.

I think your wife and family your properer care."--"Indeed, madam, your

ladyship says very true," answered Mrs Adams: "he talks a pack of

nonsense, that the whole parish are his children. I am sure I don't

understand what he means by it; it would make some women suspect he had

gone astray, but I acquit him of that; I can read Scripture as well as

he, and I never found that the parson was obliged to provide for other

folks' children; and besides, he is but a poor curate, and hath little

enough, as your ladyship knows, for me and mine."--"You say very well,

Mrs Adams," quoth the Lady Booby, who had not spoke a word to her before;

"you seem to be a very sensible woman; and I assure you, your husband is

acting a very foolish part, and opposing his own interest, seeing my

nephew is violently set against this match: and indeed I can't blame

him; it is by no means one suitable to our family." In this manner the

lady proceeded with Mrs Adams, whilst the beau hopped about the room,

shaking his head, partly from pain and partly from anger; and Pamela was

chiding Fanny for her assurance in aiming at such a match as her

brother. Poor Fanny answered only with her tears, which had long since

begun to wet her handkerchief; which Joseph perceiving, took her by the

arm, and wrapping it in his carried her off, swearing he would own no

relation to any one who was an enemy to her he loved more than all the

world. He went out with Fanny under his left arm, brandishing a cudgel

in his right, and neither Mr Booby nor the beau thought proper to oppose

him. Lady Booby and her company made a very short stay behind him; for

the lady's bell now summoned them to dress; for which they had just time

before dinner.

Adams seemed now very much dejected, which his wife perceiving, began to

apply some matrimonial balsam. She told him he had reason to be

concerned, for that he had probably ruined his family with his tricks

almost; but perhaps he was grieved for the loss of his two children,

Joseph and Fanny. His eldest daughter went on: "Indeed, father, it is

very hard to bring strangers here to eat your children's bread out of

their mouths. You have kept them ever since they came home; and, for

anything I see to the contrary, may keep them a month longer; are you

obliged to give her meat, tho'f she was never so handsome? But I don't

see she is so much handsomer than other people. If people were to be

kept for their beauty, she would scarce fare better than her neighbours,

I believe. As for Mr Joseph, I have nothing to say; he is a young man of

honest principles, and will pay some time or other for what he hath; but

for the girl--why doth she not return to her place she ran away from? I

would not give such a vagabond slut a halfpenny though I had a million

of money; no, though she was starving." "Indeed but I would," cries

little Dick; "and, father, rather than poor Fanny shall be starved, I

will give her all this bread and cheese"--(offering what he held in his

hand). Adams smiled on the boy, and told him he rejoiced to see he was a

Christian; and that if he had a halfpenny in his pocket, he would have

given it him; telling him it was his duty to look upon all his

neighbours as his brothers and sisters, and love them accordingly. "Yes,

papa," says he, "I love her better than my sisters, for she is handsomer

than any of them." "Is she so, saucebox?" says the sister, giving him a

box on the ear; which the father would probably have resented, had not

Joseph, Fanny, and the pedlar at that instant returned together. Adams

bid his wife prepare some food for their dinner; she said, "Truly she

could not, she had something else to do." Adams rebuked her for

disputing his commands, and quoted many texts of Scripture to prove

"That the husband is the head of the wife, and she is to submit and

obey." The wife answered, "It was blasphemy to talk Scripture out of

church; that such things were very proper to be said in the pulpit, but

that it was profane to talk them in common discourse." Joseph told Mr

Adams "He was not come with any design to give him or Mrs Adams any

trouble; but to desire the favour of all their company to the George (an

ale-house in the parish), where he had bespoke a piece of bacon and

greens for their dinner." Mrs Adams, who was a very good sort of woman,

only rather too strict in oeconomies, readily accepted this invitation,

as did the parson himself by her example; and away they all walked

together, not omitting little Dick, to whom Joseph gave a shilling when

he heard of his intended liberality to Fanny.