The Pearl/Volume 10/Sally's Mistake.
Sally, the servant-maid of Mr. A-, was accustomed to walk in her sleep. She one night came into her master's room, went into his bed, laid down and slept between him and his wife.
In the morning Mr. A- got up according to his usual custom, a little after five o'clock, after having performed (as he thought) the part of an affectionate husband, not suspecting that there was anybody in bed with him but his wife.
He had not got downstairs before Mrs. A- awoke, and accosted Sally, whom she mistook for her husband, in the following terms: "My dear Mr. A-, indeed I am not surprised that we have no children, since you are so lazy. Come closer, my dear, pray my dear, come. I am sure I am young and vigorous and perform my part as well as any woman in the kingdom."
Here Mrs. A- paused a few minutes, waiting for an answer, but receiving none from the imagined husband (who lay all the time in a cold sweat, fearing a discovery, for she thought Mrs. A- was her gallant the shopman, who laid with her every night, as she was afraid to sleep by herself; but they never spoke to each other during their amorous interviews for fear of being overheard).
"Fellow, do you think me worthy of an answer; I'll be revenged - I'll never get into bed with you again!"
Here her breast swelled so with anger that she could not utter another word.
Fortunately it was not yet light, so Sally jumped out of the bed and ran up to her gallant; to whom she imparted the whole affair.
This was the first time they had ever broken silence during their amours, and they were overheard by another maid who slept in the next room. She watched for the shopman's coming out of Sally's chamber, and made him go into hers to gratify those desires which I leave the reader to guess.
They all arose at their usual time, and Mrs. A- being informed that breakfast was ready, went downstairs into the parlour, and had just seated herself when Mr. A- entered the room, and accosted her in the following words:
Mr. A.- "Well, my dear, what do you think of me now?"
Mrs. A.- "That you are as incapable as a eunuch."
Mr. A.- "Nay, my dear, I thought you seemed so much pleased with our gambols this morning that we should have been very great friends all the day, but, alas, I find there is no satisfying a woman!"
Mrs. A.- "I'll tell you, fellow, I'll have a divorce. Not even answer me, scoundrel. Did I not make a man of you? Had it not been for me, you would have had to carry your cod-piece to a beggar woman ere this - whilst I know by your unnatural abstinence you have a gay woman in keeping - some painted little bitch or flaghopper. Not a civil answer when I offer you my love? You shall repent it, sir, you old whoremonger, thus to neglect your virtuous wife" (clapping her hands in fury).
Mr. A.- "My dear, I did. As I love my money, will you have it cut off and preserved like a snake in a bottle - or do you want it twice before breakfast?"
Mrs. A.- "Your money is my money, and so ought your - to be, but you take it elsewhere, you old adulterer!"
Mr. A. - "Nay, nay, my dear, but I believe you're too loving, my jewel, as soon as breakfast is over I'll lock the door and we will-"
Mrs. A.- "Now, indeed, my dear, you speak like a man of mettle, and I forgive all that is past."
When breakfast was over he performed his promise. Madam was pleased, and harmony once more reigned in their loving abode. Sally also was equally happy in having escaped from her dangerous predicament, her fellow servant in having gotten a gallant, and the shopman two fine girls to play and toy with at his pleasure.
Moral. - "It's an ill wind that blows nobody any good."