The Pearl/Volume 5/The State's New Duty.
An old Ballad upon the proposed Extension of the Contagious Diseases Acts to the Civil Population.
[The memorial to the Government for the extension of these Acts was signed by several Peers, six Bishops, ten Deans and Canons, forty-two Clergymen and Ministers, twenty-four Heads of Colleges and Masters of Public Schools, fourteen Professors of different Universities, nineteen Mayors, ten Chairmen of Quarter Sessions and Boards of Guardians, twenty-nine Sheriffs and Magistrates, &c.]
Vide letter of Messrs. J. B. Cuyenven and Berkely Hill to the Daily News, March 8th, 1871.
It was certain Holy Bishops, Noble Lords and bold M.P.'s.
Deans, Rectors, Heads of Colleges, and numberless M.D.'s
They met in solemn Council, to discuss in grave debate,
And solve a weighty question, they thought worthy of the State.
It was not Education, it was not Irish Church.
The Ballot and Permissive Bill, were both left in the lurch.
There may be other evils, but said they, the greatest evil is.
That a man can't have a woman, without the risk of Syphilis;
Said they, the state takes measures that tradesmen shall not cheat,
In selling meat, or fish, or fruit, that isn't fit to eat;
It supervises Mutton, and is down on faulty weight,
So to guarantee safe Harlots is the duty of the State.
(Now the women had no voice, or else they might have said.
"If you regulate the sale of Human flesh, like meat and bread
You should grant to us the tradesman's right, by action to recover
The wages of our labour against a bilking lover.")
So a noble Act was passed, the Preamble whereof ran,
"Whereas to fornicate is the right of every man.
"And whereas in exercise of that right are oft contracted
"Disagreeable reminiscences! Be it hereby enacted:
"That a special force of Peelers, henceforth each city pay.
"To apprehend all women, they suspect of being gay;
"Who if they don't disprove the charge before some worthy Beak.
"Shall by this Act, be Speculumed in batches, once a week;
"That in every Town a Surgeon, be appointed to the Post,
"With Speculums provided at the British Nation's Cost;
"And five hundred pounds per annum, to be quarterly paid down,
"To guarantee the soundness of the women of the Town."
Then happy were the Peelers of that sanctified Division,
That was specially deputed to this female supervision;
Thieves, Drunkards, and Garrotters, no longer were their care,
But they played the spy on women who were volatile and fair;
If they saw a flaunting Petticoat that showed too much of calf,
Or a naughty Girl, responding to an Ogle with a Laugh,
If she wouldn't let the Peeler have a cut in with the Swell,
Or tip from her earnings, the Justice not to tell,
Straightway the injured Peeler's virtuous conscience was relieved
By yielding to the Justice information he'd received;
And such unhappy damsels as a Peeler might select,
For reasons of his own, to be pronounced "suspect,"
Were all served with a Summons to disprove it to the Beak.
Or submit them to be Speculumed in batches once a week;
Then cried every youthful student, "That examining M.D.,
With £500 per annum, would be just the Post for me.
No wealthy wife with Coach and Pair, or Patients, would I seek
But I'd Speculum the ladies at £9 10s. per week!"
And thus began the era of Sexual legislation:
To man alone the State allows Free-trade in Fornication;
Diseased or sound - no matter - let him riot fancy free.
And gaily pox the ladies that the Peelers guarantee;
Is not Man the Nobler sex, for whom was Woman made?
And shall harassing Inspections his liberties invade?
For Man alone, the Bill of Rights, and Magna Charta passed;
And shall Free-born Fornicators be with dirty Harlots classed?
The sauce that suits the Goose, o'er the nobler Gander pour?
Or the State restrict the God-like Sex's privilege to whore?
Since clandestine harlots will in spite of Statutes lure.
In spite of all espionage to keep the men secure;
Methinks the Act is faulty, in not finding means to know
The Article that's warranted, from her that is not so.
A list should be placarded conspicuous to see,
Or some special Chignon ordered, for the Girls we guarantee.
And since on Prostitution 'tis resolved to legislate
(Like Cab fares and Pawnbroking, and the sale of bread by weight);
Methinks 'twere only logical to extend the Act's protection,
And not limit our paternal care to personal infection.
Why not advance another step, extortion to put down,
And regulate the charges of women of the town?
A Commission might be ordered, a scale of fees to draw,
Composed of the supporters of this Sanitary Law
(These Bishops, Deans and Doctors, who have found a new vocation
In preaching up the doctrine of the right of Fornication.)
How early that Commission could assemble every morn.
Taking evidence from Regent Street, the Argyle and Cremorne,
Making curious calculations, how to regulate aright
The charge for short engagements, and engagements for all night.
Meditating from the Cab rules, of suggestions the adoption.
A charge for work done, or by time, at the Engager's option.
For reference the Reverends their Bibles might turn over.
To see the charge of Tamar to her Israelitisch lover;
And ponder if the object of the Heaven-inspired Narrator
Was suggestions for the guidance of each future fornicator?
While all Schoolmasters - Bishops, who had on the subject brooded,
Could advise them whether birching should be extra or included.