The Rehearsal/Act 2-2
SCÆNA II.
Enter the two Kings, hand in hand.
Bayes.These are the two Kings of Brentford; take notice of their stile: 'twas never yet upon the Stage; but, if you like it, I could make a shift, perhaps, to shew you a whole Play, written all just so.
1 King. Did you observe their whisper, brother King?
2 King. I did; and heard besides a grave Bird sing That they intend, sweet-heart, to play us pranks.
Bayes. This, now, is familiar, because they are both persons of the same Qualitie.
Smi. 'Sdeath, this would make a man spew.
1 King. If that design appears,
I'l lug 'em by the ears
Until I make 'em crack.
2 King. And so will I, i'fack.
1 King. You must begin, Mon foy.
2 King. Sweet, Sir, Pardonnes moy.
Bayes. Mark that: I Makes 'em both speak French, to shew their breeding.
Johns. O, 'tis extraordinary fine.
2 King. Then, spite of Fate, we'l thus combined stand;
And, like true brothers, walk still hand in hand.
Johns. This is a very Majestick Scene indeed.
Bayes. Ay, 'tis a crust, a lasting crust for your Rogue Critiques, I gad: I would fain see the proudest of 'em all but dare to nibble at this; I gad, if they do, this shall rub their gums for 'em, I promise you. It was I, you must know, writ the Play I told you of, in this very Stile: and shall I tell you a very good jest? I gad, the Players would not act it: ha, ha, ha.
Smi. That's impossible.
Bayes. I gad, they would not, Sir: ha, ha, ha. They refus'd it, I gad, the silly Rogues: ha, ha, ha.
Johns. Fie, that was rude.
Bayes. Rude! I gad, they are the rudest, uncivilest persons, and all that, in the whole world: I gad, there's no living with 'em. I have written, Mr. Johnson, I do verily believe, a whole cart-load of things, every whit as good as this, and yet, I vow to gad, these insolent Raskals have turn'd 'em all back upon my hands again.
Johns. Strange fellows indeed.
Smi. But pray, Mr. Bayes, how came these two Kings to know of this whisper? for, as I remember, they were not present at it.
Bayes. No, but that's the Actors fault, and not mine; for the Kings should (a pox take 'em) have pop'd both their heads in at the door, just as the other went off.
Smi. That, indeed, would ha' done it.
Bayes. Done it! Ay, I gad, these fellows are able to spoil the best things in Christendom. I'l tell you, Mr. Johnson, I vow to gad, I have been so highly disoblig'd, by the peremptoriness of these fellows, that I am resolv'd, hereafter, to bend all my thoughts for the service of the Nursery, and mump your proud Players, I gad.