The Rehearsal/Act 2-4

by George Villiers

SCÆNA IV.

Enter Gentleman-Usher and Physician.

Ush.Come, Sir; let's state the matter of fact, and lay our heads together.

Phys. Right: lay our heads together. I love to be merry sometimes; but when a knotty point comes, I lay my head close to it, with a pipe of Tobacco in my mouth, and then I whew it away, i'faith.

Bayes. I do just so, I gad, always.

Ush. The grand question is, whether they heard us whisper? which I divide thus: into when they heard, what they heard, and whether they heard or no.

Johns. Most admirably divided, I swear.

Ush. As to the when; you say just now: so that is answer'd. Then, for what; why, what answers it self: for what could they hear, but what we talk'd of? So that, naturally, and of necessity, we come to the last question, Videlicet, whether they heard or no?

Smi. This is a very wise Scene, Mr. Bayes.

Bayes. Yes; you have it right: they are both Polititians. I writ this Scene for a pattern, to shew the world how men should talk of business.

Johns. You have done it exceeding well, indeed.

Bayes. Yes, I think this will do.

Phys. Well, if they heard us whisper, they'l turn us out, and no bodie else will take us.

Ush. No bodie else will take us.

Smi. Not for Polititians, I dare answer for it.

Phys. Let's then no more our selves in vain bemoan:
Phys.We are not safe until we them unthrone.

Ush. 'Tis right:
Ush. And, since occasion now seems debonair,
Ush. I'l seize on this, and you shall take that chair.

They draw their Swords, and sit down in
the two great chairs upon the Stage.

Bayes. There's now an odd surprise; the whole State's turn'd quite topsi-turvy, without any puther or stir in the whole world, I gad.

Johns. A very silent change of a Government, truly, as ever I heard of.

Bayes. It is so. And yet you shall see me bring 'em in again, by and by, in as odd a way every jot.

[The Usurpers march out flourishing their swords.

Enter Shirley.

Shir. Hey ho, hey ho: what a change is here! Hey day, hey day! I know not what to do, nor what to say. [Exit.

Smi. But, pray, Sir, how came they to depose the Kings so easily?

Bayes. Why, Sir, you must know, they long had a design to do it before; but never could put it in practice till now: and, to tell you true, that's one reason why I made 'em whisper so at first.

Smi. O, very well: now I'm fully satisfi'd.

Bayes. And then, to shew you, Sir, it was not done so very easily neither; in this next Scene you shall see some fighting.

Smi. O, ho: so then you make the struggle to be after the business is done?

Bayes. Aye.

Smi. O, I conceive you: that is very natural.