Twelfe Night, Or what you will.
Actus Primus, Scæna Prima.
Enter Orsino Duke of Illyria, Curio, and other
If Musicke be the food of Loue, play on,
Giue me excesse of it: that surfetting,
The appetite may sicken, and so dye.
That straine agen, it had a dying fall:
O, it came ore my eare, like the sweet sound
That breathes vpon a banke of Violets;
Stealing, and giuing Odour. Enough, no more,
'Tis not so sweet now, as it was before.
O spirit of Loue, how quicke and fresh art thou,
That notwithstanding thy capacitie,
Receiueth as the Sea. Nought enters there,
Of what validity, and pitch so ere,
But falles into abatement, and low price
Euen in a minute; so full of shapes is fancie,
That it alone, is high fantasticall.
Will you go hunt my Lord?
Why so I do, the Noblest that I haue:
O when mine eyes did see Oliuia first,
Me thought she purg'd the ayre of pestilence;
That instant was I turn'd into a Hart,
And my desires like fell and cruell hounds,
Ere since pursue me. How now what newes from her?
So please my Lord, I might not be admitted,
But from her handmaid do returne this answer:
The Element it selfe, till seuen yeares heate,
Shall not behold her face at ample view:
But like a Cloystresse she will vailed walke,
And water once a day her Chamber round
With eye-offending brine: all this to season
A brothers dead loue, which she would keepe fresh
And lasting, in her sad remembrance.
O she that hath a heart of that fine frame
To pay this debt of loue but to a brother,
How will she loue, when the rich golden shaft
Hath kill'd the flocke of all affections else
That liue in her. When Liuer, Braine, and Heart,
These soueraigne thrones, are all supply'd and fill'd
Her sweete perfections with one selfe king:
Away before me, to sweet beds of Flowres,
Loue-thoughts lye rich, when canopy'd with bowres.
Enter Viola, a Captaine, and Saylors.
What Country (Friends) is this?
This is Illyria Ladie.
And what should I do in Illyria?
My brother he is in Elizium,
Perchance he is not drown'd: What thinke you saylors?
It is perchance that you your selfe were saued.
O my poore brother, and so perchance may he be.
True Madam, and to comfort you with chance,
Assure your selfe, after our ship did split,
When you, and those poore number saued with you,
Hung on our driuing boate: I saw your brother
Most prouident in perill, binde himselfe,
(Courage and hope both teaching him the practise)
To a strong Maste, that liu'd vpon the sea:
Where like Orion on the Dolphines backe,
I saw him hold acquaintance with the waues,
So long as I could see.
For saying so, there's Gold:
Mine owne escape vnfoldeth to my hope,
Whereto thy speech serues for authoritie
The like of him. Know'st thou this Countrey?
I Madam well, for I was bred and borne
Not three houres trauaile from this very place.
Who gouernes heere?
A noble Duke in nature, as in name.
What is his name?
Orsino: I haue heard my father name him.
He was a Batchellor then.
And so is now, or was so very late:
For but a month ago I went from hence,
And then 'twas fresh in murmure (as you know
What great ones do, the lesse will prattle of,)
That he did seeke the loue of faire Oliuia.
A vertuous maid, the daughter of a Count
That dide some tweluemonth since, then leauing her
In the protection of his sonne, her brother,
Who shortly also dide: for whose deere loue
(They say) she hath abiur'd the sight
And company of men.
O that I seru'd that Lady,
And might not be deliuered to the world
Till I had made mine owne occasion mellow
What my estate is.
That were hard to compasse,
Because she will admit no kinde of suite,
No, not the Dukes.
There is a faire behauiour in thee Captaine,
And though that nature, with a beauteous wall
Doth oft close in pollution: yet of thee
I will beleeue thou hast a minde that suites
With this thy faire and outward charracter.
I prethee (and Ile pay thee bounteously)
Conceale me what I am, and be my ayde,
For such disguise as haply shall become
The forme of my intent. Ile serue this Duke,
Thou shalt present me as an Eunuch to him,
It may be worth thy paines: for I can sing,
And speake to him in many sorts of Musicke,
That will allow me very worth his seruice.
What else may hap, to time I will commit,
Onely shape thou thy silence to my wit.
Be you his Eunuch, and your Mute Ile bee,
When my tongue blabs, then let mine eyes not see.
I thanke thee: Lead me on.
Enter Sir Toby, and Maria.
What a plague meanes my Neece to take the
death of her brother thus? I am sure care's an enemie to
By my troth sir Toby, you must come in earlyer
a nights: your Cosin, my Lady, takes great exceptions
to your ill houres.
Why let her except, before excepted.
I, but you must confine your selfe within the
modest limits of order.
Confine? Ile confine my selfe no finer then I am:
these cloathes are good enough to drinke in, and so bee
these boots too: and they be not, let them hang themselues
in their owne straps.
That quaffing and drinking will vndoe you: I
heard my Lady talke of it yesterday: and of a foolish
knight that you brought in one night here, to be hir woer
Who, Sir Andrew Ague-cheeke?
He's as tall a man as any's in Illyria.
What's that to th' purpose?
Why he ha's three thousand ducates a yeare.
I, but hee'l haue but a yeare in all these ducates:
He's a very foole, and a prodigall.
Fie, that you'l say so: he playes o'th Viol-de-gamboys,
and speaks three or four languages word for word
without booke, & hath all the good gifts of nature.
He hath indeed, almost naturall: for besides that
he's a foole, he's a great quarreller: and but that hee hath
the gift of a Coward, to allay the gust he hath in quarrelling,
'tis thought among the prudent, he would quickely
haue the gift of a graue.
By this hand they are scoundrels and substractors
that say so of him. Who are they?
They that adde moreour, hee's drunke nightly
in your company.
With drinking healths to my Neece: Ile drinke
to her as long as there is a passage in my throat, & drinke
in Illyria: he's a Coward and a Coystrill that will not
drinke to my Neece, till his braines turne o'th toe, like a
parish top. What wench? Castiliano vulgo: for here coms
Sir Andrew Agueface.
Enter Sir Andrew.
Sir Toby Belch. How now sir Toby Belch?
Sweet sir Andrew.
Blesse you faire Shrew.
And you too sir.
Accost Sir Andrew, accost.
My Neeces Chamber-maid.
Good Mistris accost, I desire better acquaintance
My name is Mary sir.
Good mistris Mary, accost.
You mistake knight: Accost, is front her, boord
her, woe her, assayle her.
By my troth I would not vndertake her in this
company. Is that the meaning of Accost?
Far you well Gentlemen.
And thou let part so Sir Andrew, would thou
mightst neuer draw sword agen.
And you part so mistris, I would I might neuer
draw sword agen: Faire Lady, doe you thinke you haue
fooles in hand?
Sir, I haue not you by'th hand.
Marry but you shall haue, and heeres my hand.
Now sir, thought is free: I pray you bring your
hand to'th Buttry barre, and let it drinke.
Wherefore (sweet-heart?) What's your Metaphor?
It's dry sir.
Why I thinke so: I am not such an asse, but I
can keepe my hand dry. But what's your iest?
A dry iest Sir.
Are you full of them?
I Sir, I haue them at my fingers ends: marry now
I let go your hand, I am barren.
O knight, thou lack'st a cup of Canarie: when did
I see thee so put downe?
Neuer in your life I thinke, vnlesse you see Canarie
put me downe: mee thinkes sometimes I haue no
more wit then a Christian, or an ordinary man ha's: but I
am a great eater of beefe, and I beleeue that does harme
to my wit.
And I thought that, I'de forsweare it. Ile ride
home to morrow sir Toby.
Pur-quoy my deere knight?
What is purquoy? Do, or not do? I would I had
bestowed that time in the tongues, that I haue in fencing
dancing, and beare-bayting: O had I but followed the
Then hadst thou had an excellent head of haire.
Why, would that haue mended my haire?
Past question, for thou seest it will not coole my nature.
But it becoms me wel enough, dost not?
Excellent, it hangs like flax on a distaffe: & I hope
to see a huswife take thee between her legs, & spin it off.
Faith Ile home to morrow sir Toby, your niece wil
not be seene, or if she be it's four to one, she'l none of me:
the Count himselfe here hard by, wooes her.
Shee'l none o'th Count, she'l not match aboue hir
degree, neither in estate, yeares, nor wit: I haue heard her
swear't. Tut there's life in't man.
Ile stay a moneth longer. I am a fellow o'th
strangest minde i'th world: I delight in Maskes and Reuels
Art thou good at these kicke-chawses Knight?
As any man in Illyria, whatsoeuer he be, vnder
the degree of my betters, & yet I will not compare with
an old man.
What is thy excellence in a galliard, knight?
Faith, I can cut a caper.
And I can cut the Mutton too't.
And I thinke I haue the backe-tricke, simply as
strong as any man in Illyria.
Wherefore are these things hid? Wherefore haue
these gifts a Curtaine before 'em? Are they like to take
dust, like mistris Mals picture? Why dost thou not goe
to Church in a Galliard, and come home in a Carranto?
My verie walke should be a Iigge: I would not so much
as make water but in a Sinke-a-pace: What dooest thou
meane? Is it a world to hide vertues in? I did thinke by
the excellent constitution of thy legge, it was form'd vnder
the starre of a Galliard.
I, 'tis strong, and it does indifferent well in a
dam'd colour'd stocke. Shall we sit about some Reuels?
What shall we do else: were we not borne vnder
Taurus? That sides and heart.
No sir, it is leggs and thighes: let me see thee caper.
Ha, higher: ha, ha, excellent.
Enter Valentine, and Viola in mans attire.
If the Duke continue these fauours towards you
Cesario, you are like to be much aduanc'd, he hath known
you but three dayes, and already you are no stranger.
You either feare his humour, or my negligence,
that you call in question the continuance of his loue. Is
he inconstant sir, in his fauours.
No beleeue me.
Enter Duke, Curio, and Attendants.
I thanke you: heere comes the Count.
Who saw Cesario hoa?
On your attendance my Lord heere.
Stand you a-while aloofe. Cesario,
Thou knowst no lesse, but all: I haue vnclasp'd
To thee the booke euen of my secret soule.
Therefore good youth, addresse thy gate vnto her,
Be not deni'de accesse, stand at her doores,
And tell them, there thy fixed foot shall grow
Till thou haue audience.
Sure my Noble Lord,
If she be so abandon'd to her sorrow
As it is spoke, she neuer will admit me.
Be clamorous, and leape all ciuill bounds,
Rather then make vnprofited returne,
Say I do speake with her (my Lord) what then?
O then, vnfold the passion of my loue,
Surprize her with discourse of my deere faith;
It shall become thee well to act my woes:
She will attend it better in thy youth,
Then in a Nuntio's of more graue aspect.
I thinke not so, my Lord.
Deere Lad, beleeue it;
For they shall yet belye thy happy yeeres,
That say thou art a man: Dianas lip
Is not more smooth, and rubious: thy small pipe
Is as the maidens organ, shrill, and sound,
And all is semblatiue a womans part.
I know thy constellation is right apt
For this affayre: some foure or fiue attend him,
All if you will: for I my selfe am best
When least in companie: prosper well in this,
And thou shalt liue as freely as thy Lord,
To call his fortunes thine.
Ile do my best
To woe your Lady: yet a barrefull strife,
Who ere I woe, my selfe would be his wife.
Enter Maria, and Clowne.
Nay, either tell me where thou hast bin, or I will
not open my lippes so wide as a brissle may enter, in way
of thy excuse: my Lady will hang thee for thy absence.
Let her hang me: hee that is well hang'de in this
world, needs to feare no colours.
Make that good.
He shall see none to feare.
A good lenton answer: I can tell thee where y
saying was borne, of I feare no colours.
Where good mistris Mary?
In the warrs, & that may you be bolde to say in
Well, God giue them wisedome that haue it: &
those that are fooles, let them vse their talents.
Yet you will be hang'd for being so long absent,
or to be turn'd away: is not that as good as a hanging to
Many a good hanging, preuents a bad marriage:
and for turning away, let summer beare it out.
You are resolute then?
Not so neyther, but I am resolu'd on two points
That if one breake, the other will hold: or if both
breake, your gaskins fall.
Apt in good faith, very apt: well go thy way, if
sir Toby would leaue drinking, thou wert as witty a piece
of Eues flesh, as any in Illyria.
Peace you rogue, no more o'that: here comes my
Lady: make your excuse wisely, you were best.
Enter Lady Oliuia, with Maluolio.
Wit, and't be thy will, put me into good fooling:
those wits that thinke they haue thee, doe very oft proue
fooles: and I that am sure I lacke thee, may passe for a
wise man. For what saies Quinapalus, Better a witty foole,
then a foolish wit. God blesse thee Lady.
Take the foole away.
Do you not heare fellowes, take away the Ladie.
Go too, y'are a dry foole: Ile no more of you: besides
you grow dis-honest.
Two faults Madona, that drinke & good counsell
wil amend: for giue the dry foole drink, then is the foole
not dry: bid the dishonest man mend himself, if he mend,
he is no longer dishonest; if hee cannot, let the Botcher
mend him: any thing that's mended, is but patch'd: vertu
that transgresses, is but patcht with sinne, and sin that amends,
is but patcht with vertue. If that this simple
Sillogisme will serue, so: if it will not, what remedy?
As there is no true Cuckold but calamity, so beauties a
flower; The Lady bad take away the foole, therefore I
say againe, take her away.
Sir, I bad them take away you.
Misprision in the highest degree. Lady, Cucullus
non facit monachum: that's as much to say, as I weare not
motley in my braine: good Madona, giue mee leaue to
proue you a foole.
Can you do it?
Dexteriously, good Madona.
Make your proofe.
I must catechize you for it Madona, Good my
Mouse of vertue answer mee.
Well sir, for want of other idlenesse, Ile bide your
Good Madona, why mournst thou?
Good foole, for my brothers death.
I thinke his soule is in hell, Madona.
I know his soule is in heauen, foole.
The more foole (Madona) to mourne for your
Brothers soule, being in heauen. Take away the Foole,
What thinke you of this foole Maluolio, doth he
Yes, and shall do, till the pangs of death shake
him: Infirmity that decaies the wise, doth euer make the
God send you sir, a speedie Infirmity, for the
better increasing your folly: Sir Toby will be sworn that
I am no Fox, but he wil not passe his word for two pence
that you are no Foole.
How say you to that Maluolio?
I maruell your Ladyship takes delight in such
a barren rascall: I saw him put down the other day, with
an ordinary foole, that has no more braine then a stone.
Looke you now, he's out of his gard already: vnles you
laugh and minister occasion to him, he is gag'd. I protest
I take these Wisemen, that crow so at these set kinde of
fooles, no better then the fooles Zanies.
O you are sicke of selfe-loue Maluolio, and taste
with a distemper'd appetite. To be generous, guiltlesse,
and of free disposition, is to take those things for Bird-bolts,
that you deeme Cannon bullets: There is no slander
in an allow'd foole, though he do nothing but rayle;
nor no rayling, in a knowne discreet man, though hee do
nothing but reproue.
Now Mercury indue thee with leasing, for thou
speak'st well of fooles.
Madam, there is at the gate, a young Gentleman,
much desires to speake with you.
From the Count Orsino, is it?
I know not (Madam) 'tis a faire young man, and
Who of my people hold him in delay?
Sir Toby Madam, your kinsman.
Fetch him off I pray you, he speakes nothing but
madman: Fie on him. Go you Maluolio; If it be a suit
from the Count, I am sicke, or not at home. What you
will, to dismisse it.
Now you see sir, how your fooling growes old, & people
Thou hast spoke for vs (Madona) as if thy eldest
sonne should be a foole: whose scull, Ioue cramme with
braines, for heere he comes.
Enter Sir Toby.
One of thy kin has a most weake Pia-mater.
By mine honor halfe drunke. What is he at the
A Gentleman? What Gentleman?
'Tis a Gentleman heere. A plague o'these pickle
herring: How now Sot.
Good Sir Toby.
Cosin, Cosin, how haue you come so earely by
Letcherie, I defie Letchery: there's one at the
I marry, what is he?
Let him be the diuell and he will, I care not: giue
me faith say I. Well, it's all one.
What's a drunken man like, foole?
Like a drown'd man, a foole, and a madde man:
One draught aboue heate, makes him a foole, the second
maddes him, and a third drownes him.
Go thou and seeke the Crowner, and let him sitte
o'my Coz: for he's in the third degree of drinke: hee's
drown'd: go looke after him.
He is but mad yet Madona, and the foole shall
looke to the madman.
Madam, yond young fellow sweares hee will
speake with you. I told him you were sicke, he takes on
him to vnderstand so much, and therefore comes to speak
with you. I told him you were asleepe, he seems to haue
a fore knowledge of that too, and therefore comes to
speake with you. What is to be said to him Ladie, hee's
fortified against any deniall.
Tell him, he shall not speake with me.
Ha's beene told so: and hee sayes hee'l stand at
your doore like a Sheriffes post, and be the supporter to
a bench, but hee'l speake with you.
What kinde o'man is he?
Why of mankinde.
What manner of man?
Of verie ill manner: hee'l speake with you, will
you, or no.
Of what personage, and yeeres is he?
Not yet old enough for a man, nor yong enough
for a boy: as a squash is before tis a pescod, or a Codling
when tis almost an Apple: Tis with him in standing water,
betweene boy and man. He is verie well-fauour'd,
and he speakes verie shrewishly: One would thinke his
mothers milke were scarse out of him.
Let him approach: Call in my Gentlewoman.
Gentlewoman, my Lady calles.
Giue me my vaile: come throw it ore my face,
Wee'l once more heare Orsinos Embassie.
The honorable Ladie of the house, which is she?
Speake to me, I shall answer for her: your will.
Most radiant, exquisite, and vnmatchable beautie.
I pray you tell me if this bee the Lady of the house,
for I neuer saw her. I would bee loath to cast away my
speech: for besides that it is excellently well pend, I haue
taken great paines to con it. Good Beauties, let mee sustaine
no scorne; I am very comptible, euen to the least
Whence came you sir?
I can say little more then I haue studied, & that
question's out of my part. Good gentle one, giue mee
modest assurance, if you be the Ladie of the house, that
may proceede in my speech.
Are you a Comedian?
No my profound heart: and yet (by the verie
phangs of malice, I sweare) I am not that I play. Are you
the Ladie of the house?
If I do not vsurpe my selfe, I am.
Most certaine, if you are she, you do vsurp your
selfe: for what is yours to bestowe, is, not yours to reserue.
But this is from my Commission: I will on with
my speech in your praise, and then shew you the heart of
Come to what is important in't: I forgiue you
Alas, I tooke great paines to studie it, and 'tis
It is the more like to be feigned, I pray you keep
it in. I heard you were sawcy at my gates, & allowd your
approach rather to wonder at you, then to heare you. If
you be not mad, be gone: if you haue reason, be breefe:
'tis not that time of Moone with me, to make one in so
skipping a dialogue.
Will you hoyst sayle sir, here lies your way.
No good swabber, I am to hull here a little longer.
Some mollification for your Giant, sweete Ladie;
tell me your minde, I am a messenger.
Sure you haue some hiddeous matter to deliuer,
when the curtesie of it is so fearefull. Speake your office.
It alone concernes your eare: I bring no ouerture
of warre, no taxation of homage; I hold the Olyffe
in my hand: my words are as full of peace, as matter.
Yet you began rudely. What are you?
What would you?
The rudenesse that hath appear'd in mee, haue I
learn'd from my entertainment. What I am, and what I
would, are as secret as maiden-head: to your eares, Diuinity;
to any others, prophanation.
Giue vs the place alone,
We will heare this diuinitie. Now sir, what is your text?
Most sweet Ladie.
A comfortable doctrine, and much may bee saide
of it. Where lies your Text?
In Orsinoes bosome.
In his bosome? In what chapter of his bosome?
To answer by the method, in the first of his hart.
O, I haue read it: it is heresie. Haue you no more
Good Madam, let me see your face.
Haue you any Commission from your Lord, to
negotiate with my face: you are now out of your Text:
but we will draw the Curtain, and shew you the picture.
Looke you sir, such a one I was this present: Ist not well
Excellently done, if God did all.
'Tis in graine sir, 'twill endure winde and weather.
Tis beauty truly blent, whose red and white,
Natures owne sweet, and cunning hand laid on:
Lady, you are the cruell'st shee aliue,
If you will leade these graces to the graue,
And leaue the world no copie.
O sir, I will not be so hard-hearted: I will giue
out diuers scedules of my beautie. It shalbe Inuentoried
and euery particle and vtensile labell'd to my will: As,
Item two lippes indifferent redde, Item two grey eyes,
with lids to them: Item, one necke, one chin, & so forth.
Were you sent hither to praise me?
I see you what you are, you are too proud:
But if you were the diuell, you are faire:
My Lord, and master loues you: O such loue
Could be but recompenc'd, though you were crown'd
The non-pareil of beautie.
How does he loue me?
With adorations, fertill teares,
With groanes that thunder loue, with sighes of fire.
Your Lord does know my mind, I cannot loue him
Yet I suppose him vertuous, know him noble,
Of great estate, of fresh and stainlesse youth;
In voyces well divulg'd, free, learn'd, and valiant,
And in dimension, and the shape of nature,
A gracious person; But yet I cannot loue him:
He might haue tooke his answer long ago.
If I did loue you in my masters flame,
With such a suffring, such a deadly life:
In your deniall, I would finde no sence,
I would not vnderstand it.
Why, what would you?
Make me a willow Cabine at your gate,
And call vpon my soule within the house,
Write loyall Cantons of contemned loue,
And sing them lowd euen in the dead of night:
Hallow your name to the reuerberate hilles,
And make the babling Gossip of the aire,
Cry out Oliuia: O you should not rest
Betweene the elements of ayre, and earth,
But you should pittie me.
You might do much:
What is your Parentage?
Aboue my fortunes, yet my state is well:
I am a Gentleman
Get you to your Lord:
I cannot loue him: let him send no more,
Vnlesse (perchance) you come to me againe,
To tell me how he takes it: Fare you well:
I thanke you for your paines: spend this for mee.
I am no feede poast, Lady; keepe your purse,
My Master, not my selfe, lackes recompence.
Loue make his heart of flint, that you shal loue,
And let your feruour like my masters be,
Plac'd in contempt: Farwell fayre crueltie.
What is your Parentage?
Aboue my fortunes, yet my state is well;
I am a Gentleman. Ile be sworne thou art,
Thy tongue, thy face, thy limbes, actions, and spirit,
Do giue thee fiue-fold blazon: not too fast: soft, soft,
Vnlesse the Master were the man. How now?
Euen so quickly may one catch the plague?
Me thinkes I feele this youths perfections
With an inuisible, and subtle stealth
To creepe in at mine eyes. Well, let it be.
What hoa, Maluolio.
Heere Madam, at your seruice
Run after that same peeuish Messenger
The Countes man: he left this Ring behinde him
Would I, or not: tell him, Ile none of it.
Desire him not to flatter with his Lord,
Nor hold him vp with hopes, I am not for him:
If that the youth will come this way to morrow,
Ile giue him reasons for't: hie thee Maluolio.
Madam, I will.
I do I know not what, and feare to finde
Mine eye too great a flatterer for my minde:
Fate, shew thy force, our selues we do not owe,
What is decreed, must be: and be this so.
Finis, Actus primus.
Actus Secundus, Scæna Prima.
Enter Antonio and Sebastian.
Will you stay no longer: nor will you not that
I go with you
By your patience, no: my starres shine darkely
ouer me; the malignancie of my fate, might perhaps distemper
yours; therefore I shall craue of you your leaue,
that I may beare my euils alone. It were a bad recompence
for your loue, to lay any of them on you.
Let me yet know of you, whither you are bound.
No sooth sir: my determinate voyage is meere
extrauagancie. But I perceiue in you so excellent a touch
of modestie, that you will not extort from me, what I am
willing to keepe in: therefore it charges me in manners,
the rather to expresse my selfe: you must know of mee
then Antonio, my name is Sebastian (which I call'd Rodorigo)
my father was that Sebastian of Messaline, whom I
know you haue heard of. He left behinde him, my selfe,
and a sister, both borne in an houre: if the Heauens had
beene pleas'd, would we had so ended. But you sir, alter'd
that, for some houre before you tooke me from the
breach of the sea, was my sister drown'd
Alas the day
A Lady sir, though it was said shee much resembled
me, was yet of many accounted beautiful: but thogh
I could not with such estimable wonder ouer-farre beleeue
that, yet thus farre I will boldly publish her, shee
bore a minde that enuy could not but call faire: Shee is
drown'd already sir with salt water, though I seeme to
drowne her remembrance againe with more
Pardon me sir, your bad entertainment
O good Antonio, forgiue me your trouble
If you will not murther me for my loue, let mee
be your seruant
If you will not vndo what you haue done, that is
kill him, whom you haue recouer'd, desire it not. Fare
ye well at once, my bosome is full of kindnesse, and I
am yet so neere the manners of my mother, that vpon the
least occasion more, mine eyes will tell tales of me: I am
bound to the Count Orsino's Court, farewell.
The gentlenesse of all the gods go with thee:
I haue many enemies in Orsino's Court,
Else would I very shortly see thee there:
But come what may, I do adore thee so,
That danger shall seeme sport, and I will go.
Enter Viola and Maluolio, at seuerall doores.
Were not you eu'n now, with the Countesse Oliuia?
Euen now sir, on a moderate pace, I haue since ariu'd
She returnes this Ring to you (sir) you might
haue saued mee my paines, to haue taken it away your
selfe. She adds moreouer, that you should put your Lord
into a desperate assurance, she will none of him. And one
thing more, that you be neuer so hardie to come againe
in his affaires, vnlesse it bee to report your Lords taking
of this: receiue it so.
She tooke the Ring of me, Ile none of it.
Come sir, you peeuishly threw it to her: and
her will is, it should be so return'd: If it bee worth stooping
for, there it lies, in your eye: if not, bee it his that
I left no Ring with her: what meanes this Lady?
Fortune forbid my out-side haue not charm'd her:
She made good view of me, indeed so much,
That me thought her eyes had lost her tongue,
For she did speake in starts distractedly.
She loues me sure, the cunning of her passion
Inuites me in this churlish messenger:
None of my Lords Ring? Why he sent her none;
I am the man, if it be so, as tis,
Poore Lady, she were better loue a dreame:
Disguise, I see thou art a wickednesse,
Wherein the pregnant enemie does much.
How easie is it, for the proper false
In womens waxen hearts to set their formes:
Alas, O frailtie is the cause, not wee,
For such as we are made, if such we bee:
How will this fadge? My master loues her deerely,
And I (poore monster) fond asmuch on him:
And she (mistaken) seemes to dote on me:
What will become of this? As I am man,
My state is desperate for my maisters loue:
As I am woman (now alas the day)
What thriftlesse sighes shall poore Oliuia breath?
O time, thou must vntangle this, not I,
It is too hard a knot for me t' vnty.
Enter Sir Toby, and Sir Andrew.
Approach Sir Andrew: not to bee a bedde after
midnight, is to be vp betimes, and Deliculo surgere, thou
Nay by my troth I know not: but I know, to
be vp late, is to be vp late.
A false conclusion: I hate it as an vnfill'd Canne.
To be vp after midnight, and to go to bed then is early:
so that to go to bed after midnight, is to goe to bed betimes.
Does not our liues consist of the foure Elements?
Faith so they say, but I thinke it rather consists
of eating and drinking.
Th'art a scholler; let vs therefore eate and drinke.
Marian I say, a stoope of wine.
Heere comes the foole yfaith.
How now my harts: Did you neuer see the Picture
of we three?
Welcome asse, now let's haue a catch.
By my troth the foole has an excellent breast. I
had rather then forty shillings I had such a legge, and so
sweet a breath to sing, as the foole has. Insooth thou wast
in very gracious fooling last night, when thou spok'st of
Pigrogromitus, of the Vapians passing the Equinoctial of
Queubus: 'twas very good yfaith: I sent thee sixe pence
for thy Lemon, hadst it?
I did impeticos thy gratillity: for Maluolios nose
is no Whip-stocke. My Lady has a white hand, and the
Mermidons are no bottle-ale houses.
Excellent: Why this is the best fooling, when
all is done. Now a song.
Come on, there is sixe pence for you. Let's haue
There's a testrill of me too: if one knight giue a
Would you haue a loue-song, or a song of good
A loue song, a loue song.
I, I. I care not for good life.
O Mistris mine where are you roming?
O stay and heare, your true loues coming,
That can sing both high and low.
Trip no further prettie sweeting.
Iourneys end in louers meeting,
Euery wise mans sonne doth know.
Excellent good, ifaith.
What is loue, tis not heereafter,
Present mirth, hath present laughter:
What's to come, is still vnsure.
In delay there lies no plentie,
Then come kisse me sweet and twentie:
Youths a stuffe will not endure.
A mellifluous voyce, as I am true knight.
A contagious breath.
Very sweet, and contagious ifaith.
To heare by the nose, it is dulcet in contagion.
But shall we make the Welkin dance indeed? Shall wee
rowze the night-Owle in a Catch, that will drawe three
soules out of one Weauer? Shall we do that?
And you loue me, let's doo't: I am dogge at a
Byrlady sir, and some dogs will catch well.
Most certaine: Let our Catch be, Thou Knaue.
Hold thy peace, thou Knaue knight. I shall be constrain'd
in't, to call thee knaue, Knight.
'Tis not the first time I haue constrained one to
call me knaue. Begin foole: it begins, Hold thy peace.
I shall neuer begin if I hold my peace.
Good ifaith: Come begin.
What a catterwalling doe you keepe heere? If
my Ladie haue not call'd vp her Steward Maluolio, and
bid him turne you out of doores, neuer trust me.
My Lady's a Catayan, we are politicians, Maluolios
a Peg-a-ramsie, and Three merry men be wee. Am not I
consanguinious? Am I not of her blood: tilly vally. Ladie,
There dwelt a man in Babylon, Lady, Lady.
Beshrew me, the knights in admirable fooling.
I, he do's well enough if he be dispos'd, and so
do I too: he does it with a better grace, but I do it more
O the twelfe day of December.
For the loue o' God peace.
My masters are you mad? Or what are you?
Haue you no wit, manners, nor honestie, but to gabble
like Tinkers at this time of night? Do yee make an Alehouse
of my Ladies house, that ye squeak out your Coziers
Catches without any mitigation or remorse of voice?
Is there no respect of place, persons, nor time in you?
We did keepe time sir in our Catches. Snecke vp.
Sir Toby, I must be round with you. My Lady
bad me tell you, that though she harbors you as her kinsman,
she's nothing ally'd to your disorders. If you can
separate your selfe and your misdemeanors, you are welcome
to the house: if not, and it would please you to take
leaue of her, she is very willing to bid you farewell.
Farewell deere heart, since I must needs be gone.
Nay good Sir Toby.
His eyes do shew his dayes are almost done.
Is't euen so?
But I will neuer dye.
Sir Toby there you lye.
This is much credit to you.
Shall I bid him go.
What and if you do?
Shall I bid him go, and spare not?
O no, no, no, no, you dare not.
Out o' tune sir, ye lye: Art any more then a Steward?
Dost thou thinke because thou art vertuous, there
shall be no more Cakes and Ale?
Yes by S[aint]. Anne, and Ginger shall bee hotte y'th
Th'art i'th right. Goe sir, rub your Chaine with
crums. A stope of Wine Maria.
Mistris Mary, if you priz'd my Ladies fauour
at any thing more then contempt, you would not giue
meanes for this vnciuill rule; she shall know of it by this
Go shake your eares.
'Twere as good a deede as to drink when a mans
a hungrie, to challenge him the field, and then to breake
promise with him, and make a foole of him.
Doo't knight, Ile write thee a Challenge: or Ile
deliuer thy indignation to him by word of mouth.
Sweet Sir Toby be patient for to night: Since
the youth of the Counts was to day with my Lady, she is
much out of quiet. For Monsieur Maluolio, let me alone
with him: If I do not gull him into a nayword, and make
him a common recreation, do not thinke I haue witte enough
to lye straight in my bed: I know I can do it.
Possesse vs, possesse vs, tell vs something of him.
Marrie sir, sometimes he is a kinde of Puritane.
O, if I thought that, Ide beate him like a dogge.
What for being a Puritan, thy exquisite reason,
I haue no exquisite reason for't, but I haue reason
The diu'll a Puritane that hee is, or any thing
constantly but a time-pleaser, an affection'd Asse, that
cons State without booke, and vtters it by great swarths.
The best perswaded of himselfe: so cram'd (as he thinkes)
with excellencies, that it is his grounds of faith, that all
that looke on him, loue him: and on that vice in him, will
my reuenge finde notable cause to worke.
What wilt thou do?
I will drop in his way some obscure Epistles of
loue, wherein by the colour of his beard, the shape of his
legge, the manner of his gate, the expressure of his eye,
forehead, and complection, he shall finde himselfe most
feelingly personated. I can write very like my Ladie
your Neece, on a forgotten matter wee can hardly make
distinction of our hands.
Excellent, I smell a deuice.
I hau't in my nose too.
He shall thinke by the Letters that thou wilt drop
that they come from my Neece, and that shee's in loue
My purpose is indeed a horse of that colour.
And your horse now would make him an Asse.
Asse, I doubt not.
O twill be admirable.
Sport royall I warrant you: I know my Physicke
will worke with him, I will plant you two, and let
the Foole make a third, where he shall finde the Letter:
obserue his construction of it: For this night to bed, and
dreame on the euent: Farewell.
Good night Penthisilea.
Before me she's a good wench.
She's a beagle true bred, and one that adores me:
I was ador'd once too.
Let's to bed knight: Thou hadst neede send for
If I cannot recouer your Neece, I am a foule way
Send for money knight, if thou hast her not i'th
end, call me Cut.
If I do not, neuer trust me, take it how you will.
Come, come, Ile go burne some Sacke, tis too late
to go to bed now: Come knight, come knight.
Enter Duke, Viola, Curio, and others.
Giue me some Musick; Now good morow frends.
Now good Cesario, but that peece of song,
That old and Anticke song we heard last night;
Me thought it did releeue my passion much,
More then light ayres, and recollected termes
Of these most briske and giddy-paced times.
Come, but one verse.
He is not heere (so please your Lordshippe) that
should sing it?
Who was it?
Feste the Iester my Lord, a foole that the Ladie
Oliuiaes Father tooke much delight in. He is about the
Seeke him out, and play the tune the while.
Come hither Boy, if euer thou shalt loue
In the sweet pangs of it, remember me:
For such as I am, all true Louers are,
Vnstaid and skittish in all motions else,
Saue in the constant image of the creature
That is belou'd. How dost thou like this tune?
It giues a verie eccho to the seate
Where loue is thron'd.
Thou dost speake masterly,
My life vpon't, yong though thou art, thine eye
Hath staid vpon some fauour that it loues:
Hath it not boy?
A little, by your fauour.
What kinde of woman ist?
Of your complection.
She is not worth thee then. What yeares ifaith?
About your yeeres my Lord.
Too old by heauen: Let still the woman take
An elder then her selfe, so weares she to him;
So swayes she leuell in her husbands heart:
For boy, howeuer we do praise our selues,
Our fancies are more giddie and vnfirme,
More longing, wauering, sooner lost and worne,
Then womens are.
I thinke it well my Lord.
Then let thy Loue be yonger then thy selfe,
Or thy affection cannot hold the bent:
For women are as Roses, whose faire flowre
Being once displaid, doth fall that verie howre.
And so they are: alas, that they are so:
To die, euen when they to perfection grow.
Enter Curio & Clowne.
O fellow come, the song we had last night:
Marke it Cesario, it is old and plaine;
The Spinsters and the Knitters in the Sun,
And the free maides that weaue their thred with bones,
Do vse to chaunt it: it is silly sooth,
And dallies with the innocence of loue,
Like the old age.
Are you ready Sir?
I prethee sing.
Come away, come away death,
And in sad cypresse let me be laide.
Fye away, fie away breath,
I am slaine by a faire cruell maide:
My shrowd of white, stuck all with Ew, O prepare it.
My part of death no one so true did share it.
Not a flower, not a flower sweete
On my blacke coffin, let there be strewne:
Not a friend, not a friend greet
My poore corpes, where my bones shall be throwne:
A thousand thousand sighes to saue, lay me o where
Sad true louer neuer find my graue, to weepe there.
There's for thy paines.
No paines sir, I take pleasure in singing sir.
Ile pay thy pleasure then.
Truely sir, and pleasure will be paide one time, or
Giue me now leaue, to leaue thee.
Now the melancholly God protect thee, and the
Tailor make thy doublet of changeable Taffata, for thy
minde is a very Opall. I would haue men of such constancie
put to Sea, that their businesse might be euery thing,
and their intent euerie where, for that's it, that alwayes
makes a good voyage of nothing. Farewell.
Let all the rest giue place: Once more Cesario,
Get thee to yond same soueraigne crueltie:
Tell her my loue, more noble then the world
Prizes not quantitie of dirtie lands,
The parts that fortune hath bestow'd vpon her:
Tell her I hold as giddily as Fortune:
But 'tis that miracle, and Queene of Iems
That nature prankes her in, attracts my soule.
But if she cannot loue you sir.
It cannot be so answer'd.
Sooth but you must.
Say that some Lady, as perhappes there is,
Hath for your loue as great a pang of heart
As you haue for Oliuia: you cannot loue her:
You tel her so: Must she not then be answer'd?
There is no womans sides
Can bide the beating of so strong a passion,
As loue doth giue my heart: no womans heart
So bigge, to hold so much, they lacke retention.
Alas, their loue may be call'd appetite,
No motion of the Liuer, but the Pallat,
That suffer surfet, cloyment, and reuolt,
But mine is all as hungry as the Sea,
And can digest as much, make no compare
Betweene that loue a woman can beare me,
And that I owe Oliuia.
I but I know.
What dost thou knowe?
Too well what loue women to men may owe:
In faith they are as true of heart, as we.
My Father had a daughter lou'd a man
As it might be perhaps, were I a woman
I should your Lordship.
And what's her history?
A blanke my Lord: she neuer told her loue,
But let concealment like a worme i'th budde
Feede on her damaske cheeke: she pin'd in thought,
And with a greene and yellow melancholly,
She sate like Patience on a Monument,
Smiling at greefe. Was not this loue indeede?
We men may say more, sweare more, but indeed
Our shewes are more then will: for still we proue
Much in our vowes, but little in our loue.
But di'de thy sister of her loue my Boy?
I am all the daughters of my Fathers house,
And all the brothers too: and yet I know not.
Sir, shall I to this Lady?
I that's the Theame,
To her in haste: giue her this Iewell: say,
My loue can giue no place, bide no denay.
Enter Sir Toby, Sir Andrew, and Fabian.
Come thy wayes Signior Fabian.
Nay Ile come: if I loose a scruple of this sport,
let me be boyl'd to death with Melancholly.
Wouldst thou not be glad to haue the niggardly
Rascally sheepe-biter, come by some notable shame?
I would exult man: you know he brought me out
o' fauour with my Lady, about a Beare-baiting heere.
To anger him wee'l haue the Beare againe, and
we will foole him blacke and blew, shall we not sir Andrew?
And we do not, it is pittie of our liues.
Heere comes the little villaine: How now my
Mettle of India?
Get ye all three into the box tree: Maluolio's
comming downe this walke, he has beene yonder i'the
Sunne practising behauiour to his own shadow this halfe
houre: obserue him for the loue of Mockerie: for I know
this Letter wil make a contemplatiue Ideot of him. Close
in the name of ieasting, lye thou there: for heere comes
the Trowt, that must be caught with tickling.
'Tis but Fortune, all is fortune. Maria once
told me she did affect me, and I haue heard her self come
thus neere, that should shee fancie, it should bee one of
my complection. Besides she vses me with a more exalted
respect, then any one else that followes her. What
should I thinke on't?
Heere's an ouer-weening rogue.
Oh peace: Contemplation makes a rare Turkey
Cocke of him, how he iets vnder his aduanc'd plumes.
Slight I could so beate the Rogue.
Peace I say.
To be Count Maluolio.
Pistoll him, pistoll him.
There is example for't: The Lady of the Strachy,
married the yeoman of the wardrobe.
Fie on him Iezabel.
O peace, now he's deepely in: looke how imagination
Hauing beene three moneths married to her,
sitting in my state.
O for a stone-bow to hit him in the eye.
Calling my Officers about me, in my branch'd
Veluet gowne: hauing come from a day bedde, where I
haue left Oliuia sleeping
Fire and Brimstone.
O peace, peace.
And then to haue the humor of state: and after
a demure trauaile of regard: telling them I knowe my
place, as I would they should doe theirs: to aske for my
Boltes and shackles.
Oh peace, peace, peace, now, now.
Seauen of my people with an obedient start,
make out for him: I frowne the while, and perchance
winde vp my watch, or play with my some rich Iewell:
Toby approaches; curtsies there to me.
Shall this fellow liue?
Though our silence be drawne from vs with cars,
I extend my hand to him thus: quenching my
familiar smile with an austere regard of controll.
And do's not Toby take you a blow o'the lippes,
Saying, Cosine Toby, my Fortunes hauing cast
me on your Neece, giue me this prerogatiue of speech.
You must amend your drunkennesse.
Nay patience, or we breake the sinewes of our
Besides you waste the treasure of your time,
with a foolish knight.
That's mee I warrant you.
One sir Andrew.
I knew 'twas I, for many do call mee foole.
What employment haue we heere?
Now is the Woodcocke neere the gin.
Oh peace, and the spirit of humors intimate reading
aloud to him.
By my life this is my Ladies hand: these bee her
very C’s, her V’s, and her T’s, and thus makes shee her
great P's. It is in contempt of question her hand.
Her C’s, her V’s, and her T’s: why that?
To the vnknowne belou'd, this, and my good Wishes:
Her very Phrases: By your leaue wax. Soft, and the impressure
her Lucrece, with which she vses to seale: tis my
Lady: To whom should this be?
This winnes him, Liuer and all.
Ioue knowes I loue, but who, Lips do not mooue, no
man must know. No man must know. What followes?
The numbers alter'd: No man must know,
If this should be thee Maluolio?
Marrie hang thee brocke.
I may command where I adore, but silence like a Lucresse
With bloodlesse stroke my heart doth gore, M.O.A.I. doth
sway my life.
A fustian riddle.
Excellent Wench, say I.
M.O.A.I. doth sway my life. Nay but first
let me see, let me see, let me see.
What dish a poyson has she drest him?
And with what wing the stallion checkes at it?
I may command, where I adore: Why shee may
command me: I serue her, she is my Ladie. Why this is
euident to any formall capacitie. There is no obstruction
in this, and the end: What should that Alphabeticall position
portend, if I could make that resemble something
in me? Softly, M.O.A.I
O I, make vp that, he is now at a cold sent.
Sowter will cry vpon't for all this, though it bee
as ranke as a Fox.
M. Maluolio, M. why that begins my name.
Did not I say he would worke it out, the Curre
is excellent at faults.
M. But then there is no consonancy in the sequell
that suffers vnder probation: A. should follow, but O.
And O shall end, I hope
I, or Ile cudgell him, and make him cry O.
And then I. comes behind.
I, and you had any eye behinde you, you might
see more detraction at your heeles, then Fortunes before
M,O,A,I. This simulation is not as the former:
and yet to crush this a little, it would bow to mee, for euery
one of these Letters are in my name. Soft, here followes
prose: If this fall into thy hand, reuolue. In my stars
I am aboue thee, but be not affraid of greatnesse: Some
are become great, some atcheeues greatnesse, and some
haue greatnesse thrust vppon em. Thy fates open theyr
hands, let thy blood and spirit embrace them, and to invre
thy selfe to what thou art like to be: cast thy humble
slough, and appeare fresh. Be opposite with a kinsman,
surly with seruants: Let thy tongue tang arguments of
state; put thy selfe into the tricke of singularitie. Shee
thus aduises thee, that sighes for thee. Remember who
commended thy yellow stockings, and wish'd to see thee
euer crosse garter'd: I say remember, goe too, thou art
made if thou desir'st to be so: If not, let me see thee a steward
still, the fellow of seruants, and not woorthie to
touch Fortunes fingers Farewell, Shee that would alter
seruices with thee, the fortunate vnhappy daylight and
champian discouers not more: This is open, I will bee
proud, I will reade politicke Authours, I will baffle Sir
Toby, I will wash off grosse acquaintance, I will be point
deuise, the very man. I do not now foole my selfe, to let
imagination iade mee; for euery reason excites to this,
that my Lady loues me. She did commend my yellow
stockings of late, shee did praise my legge being crosse-garter'd,
and in this she manifests her selfe to my loue, &
with a kinde of iniunction driues mee to these habites of
her liking. I thanke my starres, I am happy: I will bee
strange, stout, in yellow stockings, and crosse Garter'd,
euen with the swiftnesse of putting on. Ioue, and my
starres be praised. Heere is yet a postscript. Thou canst
not choose but know who I am. If thou entertainst my loue, let
it appeare in thy smiling, thy smiles become thee well. Therefore
in my presence still smile, deero my sweete, I prethee. Ioue
I thanke thee, I will smile, I wil do euery thing that thou
wilt haue me.
I will not giue my part of this sport for a pension
of thousands to be paid from the Sophy.
I could marry this wench for this deuice.
So could I too.
And aske no other dowry with her, but such another
Nor I neither.
Heere comes my noble gull catcher.
Wilt thou set thy foote o'my necke.
Or o'mine either?
Shall I play my freedome at tray-trip, and becom
Ifaith, or I either?
Why, thou hast put him in such a dreame, that
when the image of it leaues him, he must run mad.
Nay but say true, do's it worke vpon him?
Like Aqua vite with a Midwife.
If you will then see the fruites of the sport, mark
his first approach before my Lady: hee will come to her
in yellow stockings, and 'tis a colour she abhorres, and
crosse garter'd, a fashion shee detests: and hee will smile
vpon her, which will now be so vnsuteable to her disposition,
being addicted to a melancholly, as shee is, that it
cannot but turn him into a notable contempt: if you wil
see it follow me.
To the gates of Tartar, thou most excellent diuell
Ile make one too.
Finis Actus secundus
Actus Tertius, Scæna prima.
Enter Viola and Clowne.
Saue thee Friend and thy Musick: dost thou liue
by thy Tabor?
No sir, I liue by the Church.
Art thou a Churchman?
No such matter sir, I do liue by the Church: For,
I do liue at my house, and my house dooth stand by the
So thou maist say the Kings lyes by a begger, if a
begger dwell neer him: or the Church stands by thy Tabor,
if thy Tabor stand by the Church.
You haue said sir: To see this age: A sentence is
but a cheu'rill gloue to a good witte, how quickely the
wrong side may be turn'd outward.
Nay that's certaine: they that dally nicely with
words, may quickely make them wanton.
I would therefore my sister had had no name Sir.
Why sir, her names a word, and to dallie with
that word, might make my sister wanton: But indeede,
words are very Rascals, since bonds disgrac'd them.
Thy reason man?
Troth sir, I can yeeld you none without wordes,
and wordes are growne so false, I am loath to proue reason
I warrant thou art a merry fellow, and car'st for
Not so sir, I do care for something: but in my conscience
sir, I do not care for you: if that be to care for nothing
sir, I would it would make you inuisible.
Art not thou the Lady Oliuia's foole?
No indeed sir, the Lady Oliuia has no folly, shee
will keepe no foole sir, till she be married, and fooles are
as like husbands, as Pilchers are to Herrings, the Husbands
the bigger, I am indeede not her foole, but hir corrupter
I saw thee late at the Count Orsino's.
Foolery sir, does walke about the Orbe like the
Sun, it shines euery where. I would be sorry sir, but the
Foole should be as oft with your Master, as with my Mistris:
I thinke I saw your wisedome there.
Nay, and thou passe vpon me, Ile no more with
thee. Hold there's expences for thee.
Now Ioue in his next commodity of hayre, send
thee a beard.
By my troth Ile tell thee, I am almost sicke for
one, though I would not haue it grow on my chinne. Is
thy Lady within?
Would not a paire of these haue bred sir?
Yes being kept together, and put to vse.
I would play Lord Pandarus of Phrygia sir, to bring
a Cressida to this Troylus.
I vnderstand you sir, tis well begg'd.
The matter I hope is not great sir; begging, but a
begger: Cressida was a begger. My Lady is within sir. I
will conster to them whence you come, who you are, and
what you would are out of my welkin, I might say Element,
but the word is ouer-worne.
This fellow is wise enough to play the foole,
And to do that well, craues a kinde of wit:
He must obserue their mood on whom he iests,
The quality of persons, and the time:
And like the Haggard, checke at euery Feather
That comes before his eye. This is a practice,
As full of labour as a Wise-mans Art:
For folly that he wisely shewes, is fit;
But wisemens folly falne, quite taint their wit.
Enter Sir Toby and Andrew.
Saue you Gentleman.
And you sir.
Dieu vou guard Monsieur.
Et vouz ousie vostre seruiture.
I hope sir, you are, and I am yours.
Will you incounter the house, my Neece is desirous
you should enter, if your trade be to her.
I am bound to your Neece sir, I meane she is the
list of my voyage.
Taste your legges sir, put them to motion.
My legges do better vnderstand me sir, then I vnderstand
what you meane by bidding me taste my legs.
I meane to go sir, to enter.
I will answer you with gate and entrance, but we
Enter Oliuia, and Gentlewoman.
Most excellent accomplish'd Lady, the heauens raine Odours
That youth's a rare Courtier, raine odours, wel.
My matter hath no voice Lady, but to your owne
most pregnant and vouchsafed eare.
Odours, pregnant, and vouchsafed: Ile get 'em
all three already.
Let the Garden doore be shut, and leaue mee to
my hearing. Giue me your hand sir.
My dutie Madam, and most humble seruice.
What is your name?
Cesario is your seruants name, faire Princesse.
My seruant sir? 'Twas neuer merry world,
Since lowly feigning was call'd complement:
Y'are seruant to the Count Orsino youth.
And he is yours, and his must needs be yours:
Your seruants seruant, is your seruant Madam.
For him, I thinke not on him: for his thoughts,
Would they were blankes, rather then fill'd with me.
Madam, I come to whet your gentle thoughts
On his behalfe.
O by your leaue I pray you.
I bad you neuer speake againe of him;
But would you vndertake another suite
I had rather heare you, to solicit that,
Then Musicke from the spheares.
Giue me leaue, beseech you: I did send,
After the last enchantment you did heare,
A Ring in chace of you. So did I abuse
My selfe, my seruant, and I feare me you:
Vnder your hard construction must I sit,
To force that on you in a shamefull cunning
Which you knew none of yours. What might you think?
Haue you not set mine Honor at the stake,
And baited it with all th' vnmuzled thoughts
That tyrannous heart can think? To one of your receiuing
Enough is shewne, a Cipresse, not a bosome,
Hides my heart: so let me heare you speake.
I pittie you.
That's a degree to loue.
No not a grize: for tis a vulgar proofe
That verie oft we pitty enemies.
Why then me thinkes 'tis time to smile agen:
O world, how apt the poore are to be proud?
If one should be a prey, how much the better
To fall before the Lion, then the Wolfe?
The clocke vpbraides me with the waste of time:
Be not affraid good youth, I will not haue you,
And yet when wit and youth is come to haruest,
Your wife is like to reape a proper man:
There lies your way, due West.
Then Westward hoe:
Grace and good disposition attend your Ladyship:
You'l nothing Madam to my Lord, by me:
Stay: I prethee tell me what thou thinkst of me?
That you do thinke you are not what you are.
If I thinke so, I thinke the same of you.
Then thinke you right: I am not what I am.
I would you were, as I would haue you be.
Would it be better Madam, then I am?
I wish it might, for now I am your foole.
O what a deale of scorne, lookes beautifull?
In the contempt and anger of his lip,
A murdrous guilt shewes not it selfe more soone,
Then loue that would seeme hid: Loues night, is noone.
Cesario, by the Roses of the Spring,
By maid-hood, honor, truth, and euery thing,
I loue thee so, that maugre all thy pride,
Nor wit, nor reason, can my passion hide:
Do not extort thy reasons from this clause,
For that I woo, thou therefore hast no cause:
But rather reason thus, with reason fetter;
Loue sought, is good: but giuen vnsought, is better.
By innocence I sweare, and by my youth,
I haue one heart, one bosome, and one truth,
And that no woman has, nor neuer none
Shall mistris be of it, saue I alone.
And so adieu good Madam, neuer more,
Will I my Masters teares to you deplore.
Yet come againe: for thou perhaps mayst moue
That heart which now abhorres, to like his loue. Exeunt.
Enter Sir Toby, Sir Andrew, and Fabian.
No faith, Ile not stay a iot longer:
Thy reason deere venom, giue thy reason.
You must needes yeelde your reason, Sir Andrew?
Marry I saw your Neece do more fauours to the
Counts Seruing-man, then euer she bestow'd vpon mee:
I saw't i'th Orchard.
Did she see the while, old boy, tell me that.
As plaine as I see you now.
This was a great argument of loue in her toward
S'light; will you make an Asse o'me.
I will proue it legitimate sir, vpon the Oathes of
iudgement, and reason.
And they haue beene grand Iurie men, since before
Noah was a Saylor.
Shee did shew fauour to the youth in your sight,
onely to exasperate you, to awake your dormouse valour
to put fire in your Heart, and brimstone in your Liuer:
you should then haue accosted her, and with some excellent
iests, fire-new from the mint, you should haue bangd
the youth into dumbenesse: this was look'd for at your
hand, and this was baulkt: the double gilt of this opportunitie
you let time wash off, and you are now sayld into
the North of my Ladies opinion, where you will hang
like an ysickle on a Dutchmans beard, vnlesse you do redeeme
it, by some laudable attempt, either of valour or
And't be any way, it must be with Valour, for
policie I hate: I had as liefe be a Brownist, as a Politician.
Why then build me thy fortunes vpon the basis of
valour. Challenge me the Counts youth to fight with him
hurt him in eleuen places, my Neece shall take note of it,
and assure thy selfe, there is no loue-Broker in the world,
can more preuaile in mans commendation with woman,
then report of valour.
There is no way but this sir Andrew.
Will either of you beare me a challenge to him?
Go, write it in a martial hand, be curst and briefe:
it is no matter how wittie, so it bee eloquent, and full of
inuention: taunt him with the license of Inke: if thou
thou'st him some thrice, it shall not be amisse, and as many
Lyes, as will lye in thy sheete of paper, although the
sheete were bigge enough for the bedde of Ware in England,
set 'em downe, go about it. Let there bee gaulle enough
in thy inke, though thou write with a Goose-pen,
no matter: about it.
Where shall I finde you?
Wee'l call thee at the Cubiculo: Go.
Exit Sir Andrew.
This is a deere Manakin to you Sir Toby.
I haue beene deere to him lad, some two thousand
strong, or so.
We shall haue a rare Letter from him; but you'le
Neuer trust me then: and by all meanes stirre on
the youth to an answer. I thinke Oxen and waine-ropes
cannot hale them together. For Andrew, if he were open'd
and you finde so much blood in his Liuer, as will clog the
foote of a flea, Ile eate the rest of th' anatomy.
And his opposit the youth beares in his visage no
great presage of cruelty.
Looke where the youngest Wren of mine comes.
If you desire the spleene, and will laughe your
selues into stitches, follow me; yond gull Maluolio is turned
Heathen, a verie Renegatho; for there is no christian
that meanes to be saued by beleeuing rightly, can euer
beleeue such impossible passages of grossenesse. Hee's in
And crosse garter'd?
Most villanously: like a Pedant that keepes a
Schoole i'th Church: I haue dogg'd him like his murtherer.
He does obey euery point of the Letter that I dropt,
to betray him: He does smile his face into more lynes,
then is in the new Mappe, with the augmentation of the
Indies: you haue not seene such a thing as tis: I can hardly
forbeare hurling things at him, I know my Ladie will
strike him: if shee doe, hee'l smile, and take't for a great
Come bring vs, bring vs where he is.
Enter Sebastian and Anthonio.
I would not by my will haue troubled you,
But since you make your pleasure of your paines,
I will no further chide you.
I could not stay behinde you: my desire
(More sharpe then filed steele) did spurre me forth,
And not all loue to see you (though so much
As might haue drawne one to a longer voyage)
But iealousie, what might befall your trauell,
Being skillesse in these parts: which to a stranger,
Vnguided, and vnfriended, often proue
Rough, and vnhospitable. My willing loue,
The rather by these arguments of feare
Set forth in your pursuite.
My kinde Anthonio,
I can no other answer make, but thankes,
And thankes: and euer oft good turnes,
Are shuffel'd off with such vncurrant pay:
But were my worth, as is my conscience firme,
You should finde better dealing: what's to do?
Shall we go see the reliques of this Towne?
To morrow sir, best first go see your Lodging?
I am not weary, and 'tis long to night
I pray you let vs satisfie our eyes
With the memorials, and the things of fame
That do renowne this City.
Would youl'd pardon me:
I do not without danger walke these streetes.
Once in a sea-fight 'gainst the Count his gallies,
I did some seruice, of such note indeede,
That were I tane heere, it would scarse be answer'd.
Belike you slew great number of his people.
Th' offence is not of such a bloody nature,
Albeit the quality of the time, and quarrell
Might well haue giuen vs bloody argument:
It might haue since bene answer'd in repaying
What we tooke from them, which for Traffiques sake
Most of our City did. Onely my selfe stood out,
For which if I be lapsed in this place
I shall pay deere.
Do not then walke too open.
It doth not fit me: hold sir, here's my purse,
In the South Suburbes at the Elephant
Is best to lodge: I will bespeake our dyet,
Whiles you beguile the time, and feed your knowledge
With viewing of the Towne, there shall you haue me.
Why I your purse?
Haply your eye shall light vpon some toy
You haue desire to purchase: and your store
I thinke is not for idle Markets, sir.
Ile be your purse-bearer, and leaue you
For an houre.
To th' Elephant.
I do remember.
Enter Oliuia and Maria.
I haue sent after him, he sayes hee'l come:
How shall I feast him? What bestow of him?
For youth is bought more oft, then begg'd, or borrow'd.
I speake too loud: Where's Maluolio, he is sad, and ciuill,
And suites well for a seruant with my fortunes,
Where is Maluolio?
He's comming Madame:
But in very strange manner. He is sure possest Madam.
Why what's the matter, does he raue?
No Madam, he does nothing but smile: your Ladyship
were best to haue some guard about you, if hee
come, for sure the man is tainted in's wits.
Go call him hither.
I am as madde as hee,
If sad and merry madnesse equall bee.
How now Maluolio?
Sweet Lady, ho, ho.
Smil'st thou? I sent for thee vpon a sad occasion.
Sad Lady, I could be sad:
This does make some obstruction in the blood:
This crosse-gartering, but what of that?
If it please the eye of one, it is with me as the very true
Sonnet is: Please one, and please all.
Why how doest thou man?
What is the matter with thee?
Not blacke in my minde, though yellow in my
legges: It did come to his hands, and Commaunds shall
be executed. I thinke we doe know the sweet Romane
Wilt thou go to bed Maluolio?
To bed? I sweet heart, and Ile come to thee.
God comfort thee: Why dost thou smile so, and
kisse thy hand so oft?
How do you Maluolio?
At your request:
Yes Nightingales answere Dawes.
Why appeare you with this ridiculous boldnesse
before my Lady.
Be not afraid of greatnesse: 'twas well writ.
What meanst thou by that Maluolio?
Some are borne great.
Some atcheeue greatnesse.
What sayst thou?
And some haue greatnesse thrust vpon them.
Heauen restore thee.
Remember who commended thy yellow stockings.
Thy yellow stockings?
And wish'd to see thee crosse garter'd.
Go too, thou art made, if thou desir'st to be so.
Am I made?
If not, let me see thee a seruant still.
Why this is verie Midsommer madnesse.
Madame, the young Gentleman of the Count
Orsino's is return'd, I could hardly entreate him backe: he
attends your Ladyships pleasure.
Ile come to him.
Good Maria, let this fellow be look'd too. Where's my
Cosine Toby, let some of my people haue a speciall care
of him, I would not haue him miscarrie for the halfe of
Oh ho, do you come neere me now: no worse
man then sir Toby to looke to me. This concurres directly
with the Letter, she sends him on purpose, that I may
appeare stubborne to him: for she incites me to that in
the Letter. Cast thy humble slough sayes she: be opposite
with a Kinsman, surly with seruants, let thy tongue
langer with arguments of state, put thy selfe into the
tricke of singularity: and consequently setts downe the
manner how: as a sad face, a reuerend carriage, a slow
tongue, in the habite of some Sir of note, and so foorth.
I haue lymde her, but it is Ioues doing, and Ioue make me
thankefull. And when she went away now, let this Fellow
be look'd too: Fellow? not Maluolio, nor after my
degree, but Fellow. Why euery thing adheres togither,
that no dramme of a scruple, no scruple of a scruple, no
obstacle, no incredulous or vnsafe circumstance: What
can be saide? Nothing that can be, can come betweene
me, and the full prospect of my hopes. Well Ioue, not I,
is the doer of this, and he is to be thanked.
Enter Toby, Fabian, and Maria.
Which way is hee in the name of sanctity. If all
the diuels of hell be drawne in little, and Legion himselfe
possest him, yet Ile speake to him.
Heere he is, heere he is: how ist with you sir?
How ist with you man?
Go off, I discard you: let me enioy my priuate:
Lo, how hollow the fiend speakes within him;
did not I tell you? Sir Toby, my Lady prayes you to haue
a care of him.
Ah ha, does she so?
Go too, go too: peace, peace, wee must deale
gently with him: Let me alone. How do you Maluolio?
How ist with you? What man, defie the diuell: consider,
he's an enemy to mankinde.
Do you know what you say?
La you, and you speake ill of the diuell, how
he takes it at heart. Pray God he be not bewitch'd.
Carry his water to th' wise woman.
Marry and it shall be done to morrow morning
if I liue. My Lady would not loose him for more then ile
How now mistris?
Prethee hold thy peace, this is not the way: Doe
you not see you moue him? Let me alone with him.
No way but gentlenesse, gently, gently: the Fiend
is rough, and will not be roughly vs'd.
Why how now my bawcock? how dost y chuck?
I biddy, come with me. What man, tis not for
grauity to play at cherrie-pit with sathan Hang him foul
Get him to say his prayers, good sir Toby gette
him to pray.
My prayers Minx.
No I warrant you, he will not heare of godlynesse.
Go hang your selues all: you are ydle shallowe
things, I am not of your element, you shall knowe more
If this were plaid vpon a stage now, I could condemne
it as an improbable fiction.
His very genius hath taken the infection of the
Nay pursue him now, least the deuice take ayre,
Why we shall make him mad indeede.
The house will be the quieter.
Come, wee'l haue him in a darke room & bound.
My Neece is already in the beleefe that he's mad: we may
carry it thus for our pleasure, and his pennance, til our very
pastime tyred out of breath, prompt vs to haue mercy
on him: at which time, we wil bring the deuice to the bar
and crowne thee for a finder of madmen: but see, but see.
Enter Sir Andrew.
More matter for a May morning.
Heere's the Challenge, reade it: I warrant there's
vinegar and pepper in't.
Ist so sawcy?
I, ist? I warrant him: do but read.
Youth, whatsoeuer thou art, thou art but a scuruy fellow.
Good, and valiant.
Wonder not, nor admire not in thy minde why I doe call
thee so, for I will shew thee no reason for't.
A good note, that keepes you from the blow of y Law.
Thou comst to the Lady Oliuia, and in my sight she vses
thee kindly: but thou lyest in thy throat, that is not the matter
I challenge thee for.
Very breefe, and to exceeding good sence-lesse.
I will way-lay thee going home, where if it be thy chance
to kill me.
Thou kilst me like a rogue and a villaine.
Still you keepe o'th windie side of the Law: good.
Fartheewell, and God haue mercie vpon one of our
soules. He may haue mercie vpon mine, but my hope is better,
and so looke to thy selfe. Thy friend as thou vsest him, & thy
sworne enemie, Andrew Ague-cheeke.
If this Letter moue him not, his legges cannot:
Ile giu't him.
You may haue verie fit occasion for't: he is now
in some commerce with my Ladie, and will by and by
Go sir Andrew: scout mee for him at the corner
of the Orchard like a bum-Baylie: so soone as euer thou
seest him, draw, and as thou draw'st, sweare horrible: for
it comes to passe oft, that a terrible oath, with a swaggering
accent sharpely twang'd off, giues manhoode more
approbation, then euer proofe it selfe would haue earn'd
Nay let me alone for swearing.
Now will not I deliuer his Letter: for the behauiour
of the yong Gentleman, giues him out to be of good
capacity, and breeding: his employment betweene his
Lord and my Neece, confirmes no lesse. Therefore, this
Letter being so excellently ignorant, will breed no terror
in the youth: he will finde it comes from a Clodde-pole.
But sir, I will deliuer his Challenge by word of mouth;
set vpon Ague-cheeke a notable report of valor, and driue
the Gentleman (as I know his youth will aptly receiue it)
into a most hideous opinion of his rage, skill, furie, and
impetuositie. This will so fright them both, that they wil
kill one another by the looke, like Cockatrices.
Enter Oliuia and Viola.
Heere he comes with your Neece, giue them way
till he take leaue, and presently after him.
I wil meditate the while vpon some horrid message
for a Challenge.
I haue said too much vnto a hart of stone,
And laid mine honour too vnchary on't:
There's something in me that reproues my fault:
But such a head-strong potent fault it is,
That it but mockes reproofe.
With the same hauiour that your passion beares,
Goes on my Masters greefes.
Heere, weare this Iewell for me, tis my picture:
Refuse it not, it hath no tongue, to vex you:
And I beseech you come againe to morrow.
What shall you aske of me that Ile deny,
That honour (sau'd) may vpon asking giue.
Nothing but this, your true loue for my master.
How with mine honor may I giue him that,
Which I haue giuen to you.
I will acquit you.
Well, come againe to morrow: far-thee-well,
A Fiend like thee might beare my soule to hell.
Enter Toby and Fabian.
Gentleman, God saue thee.
And you sir.
That defence thou hast, betake the too't: of what
nature the wrongs are thou hast done him, I knowe not:
but thy intercepter full of despight, bloody as the Hunter,
attends thee at the Orchard end: dismount thy tucke,
be yare in thy preparation, for thy assaylant is quick, skilfull,
You mistake sir I am sure, no man hath any quarrell
to me: my remembrance is very free and cleere from
any image of offence done to any man.
You'l finde it otherwise I assure you: therefore, if
you hold your life at any price, betake you to your gard:
for your opposite hath in him what youth, strength, skill,
and wrath, can furnish man withall.
I pray you sir what is he?
He is knight dubb'd with vnhatch'd Rapier, and
on carpet consideration, but he is a diuell in priuate brall,
soules and bodies hath he diuorc'd three, and his incensement
at this moment is so implacable, that satisfaction
can be none, but by pangs of death and sepulcher: Hob,
nob, is his word: giu't or take't.
I will returne againe into the house, and desire
some conduct of the Lady. I am no fighter, I haue heard
of some kinde of men, that put quarrells purposely on others,
to taste their valour: belike this is a man of that
Sir, no: his indignation deriues it selfe out of a very
computent iniurie, therefore get you on, and giue him
his desire. Backe you shall not to the house, vnlesse you
vndertake that with me, which with as much safetie you
might answer him: therefore on, or strippe your sword
starke naked: for meddle you must that's certain, or forsweare
to weare iron about you.
This is as vnciuill as strange. I beseech you doe
me this courteous office, as to know of the Knight what
my offence to him is: it is something of my negligence,
nothing of my purpose.
I will doe so. Signiour Fabian, stay you by this
Gentleman, till my returne.
Pray you sir, do you know of this matter?
I know the knight is incenst against you, euen to
a mortall arbitrement, but nothing of the circumstance
I beseech you what manner of man is he?
Nothing of that wonderfull promise to read him
by his forme, as you are like to finde him in the proofe of
his valour. He is indeede sir, the most skilfull, bloudy, &
fatall opposite that you could possibly haue found in anie
part of Illyria: will you walke towards him, I will make
your peace with him, if I can
I shall bee much bound to you for't: I am one,
that had rather go with sir Priest, then sir knight: I care
not who knowes so much of my mettle.
Enter Toby and Andrew.
Why man hee s a verie diuell, I haue not seen such
a firago: I had a passe with him, rapier, scabberd, and all:
and he giues me the stucke in with such a mortall motion
that it is ineuitable: and on the answer, he payes you as
surely, as your feete hits the ground they step on. They
say, he has bin Fencer to the Sophy.
Pox on't, Ile not meddle with him.
I but he will not now be pacified,
Fabian can scarse hold him yonder.
Plague on't, and I thought he had beene valiant,
and so cunning in Fence, I'de haue seene him damn'd ere
I'de haue challeng'd him. Let him let the matter slip, and
Ile giue him my horse, gray Capilet.
Ile make the motion: stand heere, make a good
shew on't, this shall end without the perdition of soules,
marry Ile ride your horse as well as I ride you.
Enter Fabian and Viola.
I haue his horse to take vp the quarrell, I haue perswaded
him the youths a diuell.
He is as horribly conceited of him: and pants, &
lookes pale, as if a Beare were at his heeles.
There's no remedie sir, he will fight with you for's
oath sake: marrie hee hath better bethought him of his
quarrell, and hee findes that now scarse to bee worth talking
of: therefore draw for the supportance of his vowe,
he protests he will not hurt you.
Pray God defend me: a little thing would make
me tell them how much I lacke of a man.
Giue ground if you see him furious.
Come sir Andrew, there's no remedie, the Gentleman
will for his honors sake haue one bowt with you:
he cannot by the Duello auoide it: but hee has promised
me, as he is a Gentleman and a Soldiour, he will not hurt
you. Come on, too't.
Pray God he keepe his oath.
I do assure you tis against my will.
Put vp your sword: if this yong Gentleman
Haue done offence, I take the fault on me:
If you offend him, I for him defie you.
You sir? Why, what are you?
One sir, that for his loue dares yet do more
Then you haue heard him brag to you he will.
Nay, if you be an vndertaker, I am for you.
O good sir Toby hold: heere come the Officers.
Ile be with you anon.
Pray sir, put your sword vp if you please.
Marry will I sir: and for that I promis'd you Ile
be as good as my word. Hee will beare you easily, and
This is the man, do thy Office.
Anthonio, I arrest thee at the suit of Count Orsino.
You do mistake me sir.
No sir, no iot: I know your fauour well:
Though now you haue no sea-cap on your head:
Take him away, he knowes I know him well.
I must obey. This comes with seeking you:
But there's no remedie, I shall answer it:
What will you do: now my necessitie
Makes me to aske you for my purse. It greeues mee
Much more, for what I cannot do for you,
Then what befals my selfe: you stand amaz'd,
But be of comfort.
Come sir away.
I must entreat of you some of that money
What money sir?
For the fayre kindnesse you haue shew'd me heere,
And part being prompted by your present trouble,
Out of my leane and low ability
Ile lend you something: my hauing is not much,
Ile make diuision of my present with you:
Hold, there's halfe my Coffer
Will you deny me now,
Ist possible that my deserts to you
Can lacke perswasion. Do not tempt my misery,
Least that it make me so vnsound a man
As to vpbraid you with those kindnesses
That I haue done for you.
I know of none,
Nor know I you by voyce, or any feature:
I hate ingratitude more in a man,
Then lying, vainnesse, babling drunkennesse,
Or any taint of vice, whose strong corruption
Inhabites our fraile blood.
Oh heauens themselues.
Come sir, I pray you go.
Let me speake a little. This youth that you see heere,
I snatch'd one halfe out of the iawes of death,
Releeu'd him with such sanctitie of loue;
And to his image, which me thought did promise
Most venerable worth, did I deuotion.
What's that to vs, the time goes by: Away.
But oh, how vilde an idoll proues this God:
Thou hast Sebastian done good feature, shame.
In Nature, there's no blemish but the minde:
None can be call'd deform'd, but the vnkinde.
Vertue is beauty, but the beauteous euill
Are empty trunkes, ore-flourish'd by the deuill.
The man growes mad, away with him:
Come, come sir.
Leade me on.
Me thinkes his words do from such passion flye
That he beleeues himselfe, so do not I:
Proue true imagination, oh proue true,
That I deere brother, be now tane for you.
Come hither Knight, come hither Fabian: Weel
whisper ore a couplet or two of most sage sawes.
He nam'd Sebastian: I my brother know
Yet liuing in my glasse: euen such, and so
In fauour was my Brother, and he went
Still in this fashion, colour, ornament,
For him I imitate: Oh if it proue,
Tempests are kinde, and salt waues fresh in loue.
A very dishonest paltry boy, and more a coward
then a Hare, his dishonesty appeares, in leauing his frend
heere in necessity, and denying him: and for his cowardship
A Coward, a most deuout Coward, religious in
Slid Ile after him againe, and beate him.
Do, cuffe him soundly, but neuer draw thy sword.
And I do not.
Come, let's see the euent.
I dare lay any money, twill be nothing yet.
Actus Quartus, Scæna prima.
Enter Sebastian and Clowne.
Will you make me beleeue, that I am not sent for
Go too, go too, thou art a foolish fellow,
Let me be cleere of thee.
Well held out yfaith: No, I do not know you,
nor I am not sent to you by my Lady, to bid you come
speake with her: nor your name is not Master Cesario,
nor this is not my nose neyther: Nothing that is so, is so.
I prethee vent thy folly some-where else, thou
know'st not me.
Vent my folly: He has heard that word of some
great man, and now applyes it to a foole. Vent my folly:
I am affraid this great lubber the World will proue a
Cockney: I prethee now vngird thy strangenes, and tell
me what I shall vent to my Lady? Shall I vent to hir that
thou art comming?
I prethee foolish greeke depart from me, there's
money for thee, if you tarry longer, I shall giue worse
By my troth thou hast an open hand: these Wisemen
that giue fooles money, get themselues a good report,
after foureteene yeares purchase.
Enter Andrew, Toby, and Fabian.
Now sir, haue I met you again: ther's for you.
Why there's for thee, and there, and there,
Are all the people mad?
Hold sir, or Ile throw your dagger ore the house.
This will I tell my Lady straight, I would not be
in some of your coats for two pence.
Come on sir, hold.
Nay let him alone, Ile go another way to worke
with him: Ile haue an action of Battery against him, if
there be any law in Illyria: though I stroke him first, yet
it's no matter for that.
Let go thy hand.
Come sir, I will not let you go. Come my yong
souldier put vp your yron: you are well flesh'd: Come
I will be free from thee. What wouldst y now?
If thou dar'st tempt me further, draw thy sword.
What, what? Nay then I must haue an Ounce or
two of this malapert blood from you.
Hold Toby, on thy life I charge thee hold.
Will it be euer thus? Vngracious wretch,
Fit for the Mountaines, and the barbarous Caues,
Where manners nere were preach'd: out of my sight.
Be not offended, deere Cesario:
Rudesbey be gone. I prethee gentle friend,
Let thy fayre wisedome, not thy passion sway
In this vnciuill, and vniust extent
Against thy peace. Go with me to my house,
And heare thou there how many fruitlesse prankes
This Ruffian hath botch'd vp, that thou thereby
Mayst smile at this: Thou shalt not choose but goe:
Do not denie, beshrew his soule for mee,
He started one poore heart of mine, in thee.
What rellish is in this? How runs the streame?
Or I am mad, or else this is a dreame:
Let fancie still my sense in Lethe steepe,
If it be thus to dreame, still let me sleepe.
Nay come I prethee, would thoud'st be rul'd by me.
Madam, I will.
O say so, and so be.
Enter Maria and Clowne.
Nay, I prethee put on this gown, & this beard,
make him beleeue thou art sir Topas the Curate, doe it
quickly. Ile call sir Toby the whilst.
Well, Ile put it on, and I will dissemble my selfe
in't, and I would I were the first that euer dissembled in
in such a gowne. I am not tall enough to become the
function well, nor leane enough to bee thought a good
Studient: but to be said an honest man and a good houskeeper
goes as fairely, as to say, a carefull man, & a great
scholler. The Competitors enter.
Ioue blesse thee M. Parson.
Bonos dies sir Toby: for as the old hermit of Prage
that neuer saw pen and inke, very wittily sayd to a Neece
of King Gorbodacke, that that is, is: so I being M. Parson,
am M. Parson; for what is that, but that? and is, but is?
To him sir Topas.
What hoa, I say, Peace in this prison.
The knaue counterfets well: a good knaue.
Who cals there?
Sir Topas the Curate, who comes to visit Maluolio
Sir Topas, sir Topas, good sir Topas goe to my
Out hyperbolicall fiend, how vexest thou this
man? Talkest thou nothing but of Ladies?
Well said M. Parson.
Sir Topas, neuer was man thus wronged, good
sir Topas do not thinke I am mad: they haue layde mee
heere in hideous darknesse.
Fye, thou dishonest sathan: I call thee by the
most modest termes, for I am one of those gentle ones,
that will vse the diuell himselfe with curtesie: sayst thou
that house is darke?
As hell sir Topas.
Why it hath bay Windowes transparant as baricadoes,
and the cleere stores toward the South north, are
as lustrous as Ebony: and yet complainest thou of obstruction?
I am not mad sir Topas, I say to you this house is
Madman thou errest: I say there is no darknesse
but ignorance, in which thou art more puzel'd then the
aegyptians in their fogge.
I say this house is as darke as Ignorance, thogh
Ignorance were as darke as hell; and I say there was neuer
man thus abus'd, I am no more madde then you are,
make the triall of it in any constant question.
What is the opinion of Pythagoras concerning
That the soule of our grandam, might happily
inhabite a bird.
What thinkst thou of his opinion?
I thinke nobly of the soule, and no way aproue
Fare thee well: remaine thou still in darkenesse,
thou shalt hold th' opinion of Pythagoras, ere I will allow
of thy wits, and feare to kill a Woodcocke, lest thou dispossesse
the soule of thy grandam. Fare thee well.
Sir Topas, sir Topas.
My most exquisite sir Topas.
Nay I am for all waters.
Thou mightst haue done this without thy berd
and gowne, he sees thee not.
To him in thine owne voyce, and bring me word
how thou findst him: I would we were well ridde of this
knauery. If he may bee conueniently deliuer'd, I would
he were, for I am now so farre in offence with my Niece,
that I cannot pursue with any safety this sport the vppeshot.
Come by and by to my Chamber.
Hey Robin, iolly Robin, tell me how thy Lady
My Lady is vnkind, perdie.
Alas why is she so?
Foole, I say.
She loues another. Who calles, ha?
Good foole, as euer thou wilt deserue well at
my hand, helpe me to a Candle, and pen, inke, and paper:
as I am a Gentleman, I will liue to bee thankefull to thee
I good Foole.
Alas sir, how fell you besides your fiue witts?
Foole, there was neuer man so notoriouslie abus'd:
I am as well in my wits (foole) as thou art.
But as well: then you are mad indeede, if you be
no better in your wits then a foole.
They haue heere propertied me: keepe mee in
darkenesse, send Ministers to me, Asses, and doe all they
can to face me out of my wits.
Aduise you what you say: the Minister is heere.
Maluolio, Maluolio, thy wittes the heauens restore: endeauour
thy selfe to sleepe, and leaue thy vaine bibble
Maintaine no words with him good fellow.
Who I sir, not I sir. God buy you good sir Topas: Marry
Amen. I will sir, I will.
Foole, foole, foole I say.
Alas sir be patient. What say you sir, I am shent
for speaking to you.
Good foole, helpe me to some light, and some
paper, I tell thee I am as well in my wittes, as any man in
Well-a-day, that you were sir.
By this hand I am: good foole, some inke, paper,
and light: and conuey what I will set downe to my
Lady: it shall aduantage thee more, then euer the bearing
of Letter did.
I will help you too't. But tel me true, are you not
mad indeed, or do you but counterfeit.
Beleeue me I am not, I tell thee true.
Nay, Ile nere beleeue a madman till I see his brains
I will fetch you light, and paper, and inke.
Foole, Ile requite it in the highest degree:
I prethee be gone.
I am gone sir, and anon sir,
Ile be with you againe:
In a trice, like to the old vice,
your neede to sustaine.
Who with dagger of lath, in his rage and his wrath,
cries ah ha, to the diuell:
Like a mad lad, paire thy nayles dad,
Adieu good man diuell.
This is the ayre, that is the glorious Sunne,
This pearle she gaue me, I do feel't, and see't,
And though tis wonder that enwraps me thus,
Yet 'tis not madnesse. Where's Anthonio then,
I could not finde him at the Elephant,
Yet there he was, and there I found this credite,
That he did range the towne to seeke me out,
His councell now might do me golden seruice,
For though my soule disputes well with my sence,
That this may be some error, but no madnesse,
Yet doth this accident and flood of Fortune,
So farre exceed all instance, all discourse,
That I am readie to distrust mine eyes,
And wrangle with my reason that perswades me
To any other trust, but that I am mad,
Or else the Ladies mad; yet if 'twere so,
She could not sway her house, command her followers,
Take, and giue backe affayres, and their dispatch,
With such a smooth, discreet, and stable bearing
As I perceiue she do's: there's something in't
That is deceiueable. But heere the Lady comes.
Enter Oliuia, and Priest.
Blame not this haste of mine: if you meane well
Now go with me, and with this holy man
Into the Chantry by: there before him,
And vnderneath that consecrated roofe,
Plight me the full assurance of your faith,
That my most iealious, and too doubtfull soule
May liue at peace. He shall conceale it,
Whiles you are willing it shall come to note,
What time we will our celebration keepe
According to my birth, what do you say?
Ile follow this good man, and go with you,
And hauing sworne truth, euer will be true.
Then lead the way good father, & heauens so shine,
That they may fairely note this acte of mine.
Finis Actus Quartus.
Actus Quintus. Scena Prima.
Enter Clowne and Fabian.
Now as thou lou'st me, let me see his Letter.
Good M. Fabian, grant me another request.
Do not desire to see this Letter.
This is to giue a dogge, and in recompence desire
my dogge againe.
Enter Duke, Viola, Curio, and Lords.
Belong you to the Lady Oliuia, friends?
I sir, we are some of her trappings.
I know thee well: how doest thou my good
Truely sir, the better for my foes, and the worse
for my friends.
Iust the contrary: the better for thy friends.
No sir, the worse.
How can that be?
Marry sir, they praise me, and make an asse of me,
now my foes tell me plainly, I am an Asse: so that by my
foes sir, I profit in the knowledge of my selfe, and by my
friends I am abused: so that conclusions to be as kisses, if
your foure negatiues make your two affirmatiues, why
then the worse for my friends, and the better for my foes.
Why this is excellent.
By my troth sir, no: though it please you to be
one of my friends.
Thou shalt not be the worse for me, there's gold.
But that it would be double dealing sir, I would
you could make it another.
O you giue me ill counsell.
Put your grace in your pocket sir, for this once,
and let your flesh and blood obey it.
Well, I will be so much a sinner to be a double
dealer: there's another.
Primo, secundo, tertio, is a good play, and the olde
saying is, the third payes for all: the triplex sir, is a good
tripping measure, or the belles of S. Bennet sir, may put
you in minde, one, two, three.
You can foole no more money out of mee at this
throw: if you will let your Lady know I am here to speak
with her, and bring her along with you, it may awake my
Marry sir, lullaby to your bountie till I come agen.
I go sir, but I would not haue you to thinke, that
my desire of hauing is the sinne of couetousnesse: but as
you say sir, let your bounty take a nappe, I will awake it
Enter Anthonio and Officers.
Here comes the man sir, that did rescue mee.
That face of his I do remember well,
Yet when I saw it last, it was besmear'd
As blacke as Vulcan, in the smoake of warre:
A bawbling Vessell was he Captaine of,
For shallow draught and bulke vnprizable,
With which such scathfull grapple did he make,
With the most noble bottome of our Fleete,
That very enuy, and the tongue of losse
Cride fame and honor on him: What's the matter?
Orsino, this is that Anthonio
That tooke the Phoenix, and her fraught from Candy,
And this is he that did the Tiger boord,
When your yong Nephew Titus lost his legge;
Heere in the streets, desperate of shame and state,
In priuate brabble did we apprehend him.
He did me kindnesse sir, drew on my side,
But in conclusion put strange speech vpon me,
I know not what 'twas, but distraction.
Notable Pyrate, thou salt-water Theefe,
What foolish boldnesse brought thee to their mercies,
Whom thou in termes so bloudie, and so deere
Hast made thine enemies?
Orsino: Noble sir,
Be pleas'd that I shake off these names you giue mee:
Anthonio neuer yet was Theefe, or Pyrate,
Though I confesse, on base and ground enough
Orsino's enemie. A witchcraft drew me hither:
That most ingratefull boy there by your side,
From the rude seas enrag'd and foamy mouth
Did I redeeme: a wracke past hope he was:
His life I gaue him, and did thereto adde
My loue without retention, or restraint,
All his in dedication. For his sake,
Did I expose my selfe (pure for his loue)
Into the danger of this aduerse Towne,
Drew to defend him, when he was beset:
Where being apprehended, his false cunning
(Not meaning to partake with me in danger)
Taught him to face me out of his acquaintance,
And grew a twentie yeeres remoued thing
While one would winke: denide me mine owne purse,
Which I had recommended to his vse,
Not halfe an houre before.
How can this be?
When came he to this Towne?
To day my Lord: and for three months before,
No intrim, not a minutes vacancie,
Both day and night did we keepe companie.
Enter Oliuia and attendants.
Heere comes the Countesse, now heauen walkes
But for thee fellow, fellow thy words are madnesse,
Three monthes this youth hath tended vpon mee,
But more of that anon. Take him aside.
What would my Lord, but that he may not haue,
Wherein Oliuia may seeme seruiceable?
Cesario, you do not keepe promise with me.
What do you say Cesario? Good my Lord.
My Lord would speake, my dutie hushes me.
If it be ought to the old tune my Lord,
It is as fat and fulsome to mine eare
As howling after Musicke.
Still so cruell?
Still so constant Lord.
What to peruersenesse? you vnciuill Ladie
To whose ingrate, and vnauspicious Altars
My soule the faithfull'st offrings haue breath'd out
That ere deuotion tender'd. What shall I do?
Euen what it please my Lord, that shal becom him
Why should I not, (had I the heart to do it)
Like to th' Egyptian theefe, at point of death
Kill what I loue: (a sauage iealousie,
That sometime sauours nobly) but heare me this:
Since you to non-regardance cast my faith,
And that I partly know the instrument
That screwes me from my true place in your fauour:
Liue you the Marble-brested Tirant still.
But this your Minion, whom I know you loue,
And whom, by heauen I sweare, I tender deerely,
Him will I teare out of that cruell eye,
Where he sits crowned in his masters spight.
Come boy with me, my thoughts are ripe in mischiefe:
Ile sacrifice the Lambe that I do loue,
To spight a Rauens heart within a Doue.
And I most iocund, apt, and willinglie,
To do you rest, a thousand deaths would dye.
Where goes Cesario?
After him I loue,
More then I loue these eyes, more then my life,
More by all mores, then ere I shall loue wife.
If I do feigne, you witnesses aboue
Punish my life, for tainting of my loue.
Aye me detested, how am I beguil'd?
Who does beguile you? who does do you wrong?
Hast thou forgot thy selfe? Is it so long?
Call forth the holy Father.
Whether my Lord? Cesario, Husband, stay.
I Husband. Can he that deny?
Her husband, sirrah?
No my Lord, not I.
Alas, it is the basenesse of thy feare,
That makes thee strangle thy propriety:
Feare not Cesario, take thy fortunes vp,
Be that thou know'st thou art, and then thou art
As great as that thou fear'st.
O welcome Father:
Father, I charge thee by thy reuerence
Heere to vnfold, though lately we intended
To keepe in darkenesse, what occasion now
Reueales before 'tis ripe: what thou dost know
Hath newly past, betweene this youth, and me.
A Contract of eternall bond of loue,
Confirm'd by mutuall ioynder of your hands,
Attested by the holy close of lippes,
Strengthned by enterchangement of your rings,
And all the Ceremonie of this compact
Seal'd in my function, by my testimony:
Since when, my watch hath told me, toward my graue
I haue trauail'd but two houres.
O thou dissembling Cub: what wilt thou be
When time hath sow'd a grizzle on thy case?
Or will not else thy craft so quickely grow,
That thine owne trip shall be thine ouerthrow:
Farewell, and take her, but direct thy feete,
Where thou, and I (henceforth) may neuer meet.
My Lord, I do protest.
O do not sweare,
Hold little faith, though thou hast too much feare.
Enter Sir Andrew.
For the loue of God a Surgeon, send one presently
to sir Toby
What's the matter?
H'as broke my head acrosse, and has giuen Sir
Toby a bloody Coxcombe too: for the loue of God your
helpe, I had rather then forty pound I were at home.
Who has done this sir Andrew?
The Counts Gentleman, one Cesario: we tooke
him for a Coward, but hee's the verie diuell, incardinate.
My Gentleman Cesario?
Odd's lifelings heere he is: you broke my head
for nothing, and that that I did, I was set on to do't by sir
Why do you speake to me, I neuer hurt you:
You drew your sword vpon me without cause,
But I bespake you faire, and hurt you not.
Enter Toby and Clowne.
If a bloody coxcombe be a hurt, you haue hurt
me: I thinke you set nothing by a bloody Coxecombe.
Heere comes sir Toby halting, you shall heare more: but if
he had not beene in drinke, hee would haue tickel'd you
other gates then he did.
How now Gentleman? how ist with you?
That's all one, has hurt me, and there's th' end on't:
Sot, didst see Dicke Surgeon, sot?
O he's drunke sir Toby an houre agone: his eyes
were set at eight i'th morning.
Then he's a Rogue, and a passy measures pauyn: I
hate a drunken rogue.
Away with him? Who hath made this hauocke
Ile helpe you sir Toby, because we'll be drest together.
Will you helpe an Asse-head, and a coxcombe, &
a knaue: a thin fac'd knaue, a gull?
Get him to bed, and let his hurt be look'd too.
I am sorry Madam I haue hurt your kinsman:
But had it beene the brother of my blood,
I must haue done no lesse with wit and safety.
You throw a strange regard vpon me, and by that
I do perceiue it hath offended you:
Pardon me (sweet one) euen for the vowes
We made each other, but so late ago.
One face, one voice, one habit, and two persons,
A naturall Perspectiue, that is, and is not.
Anthonio: O my deere Anthonio,
How haue the houres rack'd, and tortur'd me,
Since I haue lost thee?
Sebastian are you?
Fear'st thou that Anthonio?
How haue you made diuision of your selfe,
An apple cleft in two, is not more twin
Then these two creatures. Which is Sebastian?
Do I stand there? I neuer had a brother:
Nor can there be that Deity in my nature
Of heere, and euery where. I had a sister,
Whom the blinde waues and surges haue deuour'd:
Of charity, what kinne are you to me?
What Countreyman? What name? What Parentage?
Of Messaline: Sebastian was my Father,
Such a Sebastian was my brother too:
So went he suited to his watery tombe:
If spirits can assume both forme and suite,
You come to fright vs.
A spirit I am indeed,
But am in that dimension grossely clad,
Which from the wombe I did participate.
Were you a woman, as the rest goes euen,
I should my teares let fall vpon your cheeke,
And say, thrice welcome drowned Viola.
My father had a moale vpon his brow.
And so had mine.
And dide that day when Viola from her birth
Had numbred thirteene yeares.
O that record is liuely in my soule,
He finished indeed his mortall acte
That day that made my sister thirteene yeares.
If nothing lets to make vs happie both,
But this my masculine vsurp'd attyre:
Do not embrace me, till each circumstance,
Of place, time, fortune, do cohere and iumpe
That I am Viola, which to confirme,
Ile bring you to a Captaine in this Towne,
Where lye my maiden weeds: by whose gentle helpe,
I was preseru'd to serue this Noble Count:
All the occurrence of my fortune since
Hath beene betweene this Lady, and this Lord.
So comes it Lady, you haue beene mistooke:
But Nature to her bias drew in that.
You would haue bin contracted to a Maid,
Nor are you therein (by my life) deceiu'd,
You are betroth'd both to a maid and man
Be not amaz'd, right noble is his blood:
If this be so, as yet the glasse seemes true,
I shall haue share in this most happy wracke,
Boy, thou hast saide to me a thousand times,
Thou neuer should'st loue woman like to me.
And all those sayings, will I ouer sweare,
And all those swearings keepe as true in soule,
As doth that Orbed Continent, the fire,
That seuers day from night.
Giue me thy hand,
And let me see thee in thy womans weedes.
The Captaine that did bring me first on shore
Hath my Maides garments: he vpon some Action
Is now in durance, at Maluolio's suite,
a Gentleman, and follower of my Ladies.
He shall inlarge him: fetch Maluolio hither,
And yet alas, now I remember me,
They say poore Gentleman, he's much distract.
Enter Clowne with a Letter, and Fabian.
A most extracting frensie of mine owne
From my remembrance, clearly banisht his.
How does he sirrah?
Truely Madam, he holds Belzebub at the staues end as
well as a man in his case may do: has heere writ a letter to
you, I should haue giuen't you to day morning. But as a
madmans Epistles are no Gospels, so it skilles not much
when they are deliuer'd.
Open't, and read it.
Looke then to be well edified, when the Foole
deliuers the Madman. By the Lord Madam.
How now, art thou mad?
No Madam, I do but reade madnesse: and your
Ladyship will haue it as it ought to bee, you must allow
Prethee reade i'thy right wits.
So I do Madona: but to reade his right wits, is to
reade thus: therefore, perpend my Princesse, and giue
Read it you, sirrah.
By the Lord Madam, you wrong me, and
the world shall know it: Though you haue put mee into
darkenesse, and giuen your drunken Cosine rule ouer me,
yet haue I the benefit of my senses as well as your Ladieship.
I haue your owne letter, that induced mee to the
semblance I put on; with the which I doubt not, but to
do my selfe much right, or you much shame: thinke of
me as you please. I leaue my duty a little vnthought of,
and speake out of my iniury. The madly vs'd Maluolio.
Did he write this?
This sauours not much of distraction.
See him deliuer'd Fabian, bring him hither:
My Lord, so please you, these things further thought on,
To thinke me as well a sister, as a wife,
One day shall crowne th' alliance on't, so please you,
Heere at my house, and at my proper cost.
Madam, I am most apt t' embrace your offer:
Your Master quits you: and for your seruice done him,
So much against the mettle of your sex,
So farre beneath your soft and tender breeding,
And since you call'd me Master, for so long:
Heere is my hand, you shall from this time bee
Your Masters Mistris.
A sister, you are she.
Is this the Madman?
I my Lord, this same: How now Maluolio?
Madam, you haue done me wrong,
Haue I Maluolio? No.
Lady you haue, pray you peruse that Letter.
You must not now denie it is your hand,
Write from it if you can, in hand, or phrase,
Or say, tis not your seale, not your inuention:
You can say none of this. Well, grant it then,
And tell me in the modestie of honor,
Why you haue giuen me such cleare lights of fauour,
Bad me come smiling, and crosse-garter'd to you,
To put on yellow stockings, and to frowne
Vpon sir Toby, and the lighter people:
And acting this in an obedient hope,
Why haue you suffer'd me to be imprison'd,
Kept in a darke house, visited by the Priest,
And made the most notorious gecke and gull,
That ere inuention plaid on? Tell me why?
Alas Maluolio, this is not my writing,
Though I confesse much like the Charracter:
But out of question, tis Marias hand.
And now I do bethinke me, it was shee
First told me thou wast mad; then cam'st in smiling,
And in such formes, which heere were presuppos'd
Vpon thee in the Letter: prethee be content,
This practice hath most shrewdly past vpon thee:
But when we know the grounds, and authors of it,
Thou shalt be both the Plaintiffe and the Iudge
Of thine owne cause.
Good Madam heare me speake,
And let no quarrell, nor no braule to come,
Taint the condition of this present houre,
Which I haue wondred at. In hope it shall not,
Most freely I confesse my selfe, and Toby
Set this deuice against Maluolio heere,
Vpon some stubborne and vncourteous parts
We had conceiu'd against him. Maria writ
The Letter, at sir Tobyes great importance,
In recompence whereof, he hath married her:
How with a sportfull malice it was follow'd,
May rather plucke on laughter then reuenge,
If that the iniuries be iustly weigh'd,
That haue on both sides past.
Alas poore Foole, how haue they baffel'd thee?
Why some are borne great, some atchieue greatnesse,
and some haue greatnesse throwne vpon them. I
was one sir, in this Enterlude, one sir Topas sir, but that's
all one: By the Lord Foole, I am not mad: but do you remember,
Madam, why laugh you at such a barren rascall,
and you smile not he's gag'd: and thus the whirlegigge
of time, brings in his reuenges.
Ile be reueng'd on the whole packe of you?
He hath bene most notoriously abus'd.
Pursue him, and entreate him to a peace:
He hath not told vs of the Captaine yet,
When that is knowne, and golden time conuents
A solemne Combination shall be made
Of our deere soules. Meane time sweet sister,
We will not part from hence. Cesario come
(For so you shall be while you are a man:)
But when in other habites you are seene,
Orsino's Mistris, and his fancies Queene.
When that I was and a little tine boy,
with hey, ho, the winde and the raine:
A foolish thing was but a toy,
for the raine it raineth euery day.
But when I came to mans estate,
with hey ho, &c.
Gainst Knaues and Theeues men shut their gate,
for the raine, &c.
But when I came alas to wiue,
with hey ho, &c.
By swaggering could I neuer thriue,
for the raine, &c.
But when I came vnto my beds,
with hey ho, &c.
With tospottes still had drunken heades,
for the raine, &c.
A great while ago the world begon,
hey ho, &c.
But that's all one, our Play is done,
and wee'l striue to please you euery day.