Wikisource:WikiProject Film/Intertitles from GeoCities/Headin' Home
Headin' Home 1
BABE RUTH IN
"HEADIN' HOME"
2
Presented by KESSEL & BAUMANN
Produced by
YANKEE PHOTO CORP'N
__________
Photographed by OLLIE LEACH
3
Titles by
"Bugs" Baer.
4 "BASEBALLIUM DEMENTIA" "A disease of the brain that
attacks a baseball fan in
his weakest spot.--THE ? ? ?"
Darwin.
5 He made the Nation of Leagues forget the League of Nations.
---"BABE" RUTH.
6 The national burial ground
for grandmothers.
7 "Eliar Lott, an oldtimer from
Babe's birthplace, Haverlock,
a little egg and hamlet in
the sticks."
---W. J. Gross.
8 "Babe wuz born in Haverlock.
It's one of them growing towns what's turned out many a famous man.--MAYBE."
9 "Babe lived with his
mother."
---Margaret Sedden.
10 "And his foster-sister,
Pigtails, who had a little
dog labelled Herman."
---Frances Victory.
11 "Herman wuz a good watch-
dog when he wuz awake -- HE SLEPT MOST OF THE TIME."
12 "His maw knew that Babe
would be a big man some day if th' pitchers would throw it anywhere near him."
13 "Babe puzzled the squirrels
considerable. Used to spend his time in th' woods chopping nature up into baseball bats."
14 "Cyrus Tobin wuz banker
an' owned th' town, lock,
stock an' barr'l."
---James A. Marcus.
15 "Si owned th' town an' his
daughter Mildred owned both."
---Ruth Taylor.
16 "Si's son wuz just back
from college. He grad- uated in billiards, trick clothes an' bad debts."
17 "The old man told him
to get on to himself
or blow."
18 "Th' boy said he wuz sick
of the one-Ford town an' left for New York on th' passenger milk train."
19 "Doc Hedges wuz Republican
dog catcher by unanimous
vote of Si Tobin."
---George Halpin.
20 "Doc surrounded Pigtail's
dog Herman for not havin' a wholesale flea license an' tail lights."
21 "Th' most we thought of
Babe wuz that some day he would go to a bigger town where there wuz more loafin' to do."
22 "Pigtail told Babe, an'
Babe madder'n a porker- pine with ingrown quills."
23 "The village barber wuz the
reason why safety razors
wuz so popular in Hav-
erlock. He managed th'
ball club."
---Walter Lawrence.
24 "It was a pink-letter day
when the new pitcher, HARRY KNIGHT, arrived."
25 "That pink-letter feller
thought he wuz th' whole red
alphabet. He wuz to be
pitcher an' bank clerk for Si."
---William Sheer.
26 "He gave Babe what you
fellers call th' Ritz. We call it th' BROAD A as in bawth."
27 "Pigtails, tells Babe to go
easy as funerals come high these days."
28 "Deacon Flack was in a
sweat to get fifty pounds of ice for the church festival that night."
29 "This feller Knight had more
names than Hamburger steak. He wuz as crooked as a dog's hind legs."
30 "An old pal recognized him
and wanted to know what a second-story man wuz doin' in a one-story town."
31 "Dave Talmadge wuz church
pastor on Sundays an--"
---Charles Burt.
32 "There wuz nothin' bigoted
about our new minister. He approved of ice cream an' sarsprilly in moderation."
33 "Babe wuz both heels over
his hat in love with Mildred."
34 "The kids used to follow
that new pitcher aroun' like cats after a fish wagon."
35 "Babe would rather play base
ball than eat an' he had a natcheral talent for both."
36 "That fifty pounds of ice
looked like it had been on a hunger strike."
37 "Almira Worters thought Babe
wuz the handsomest man in town. Haverlock ain't a big town."
---Ricca Allen.
38 "They say love is blind
an' infatuation is cross-eyed. Almira wuz a happy medium 'tween the two - -"
39 "Mildred kinda noticed Babe
then. A woman never looks at a man until another woman looks at him first."
40 "Doc Hedges thought he'd
have to get a bigger net for Babe."
41 "Th' barber and his wife
might have been happy if
they both hadn't spoke the
same language."
---Anne Brodie.
42 "Babe tried to patch up
their quarrel, but as a peacemaker he was a good ball player."
43 "There wuz Fourteen Points
that Babe didn't know about peace making."
44 "There wasn't a night that
Babe wasn't home. No other place to go in Haverlock."
45 "His maw wanted to know
why he wuz stayin' home on th' big festival night of gayety, mirth and soda pop."
46 "At social affairs Babe
was like a fish out of water.
47 "The barber feller figured
that garlic was made to be smelled an' not seen."
48 "Man for man, that spaghetti
wuz stronger'n th' White Sox infield."
49 "But Babe didn't want to
see Mildred foolin' around with that Knight feller."
50 "The Volunteer Firemen's
Quartette wuz tearin' the moss off the Old Aching Bucket."
51 "Miss Almira knew it was
Leap Year an' this wuz her month to jump."
52 "There wasn't nuthin' wrong
that Babe couldn't do right."
53 "That Knight feller had
wormed his way up to cashier. He wuz crookeder than a hobo's heels."
54 "He stole Tobin's money to
bet on Haverlock versus Highland for th' champeen- ship of th' vicinity."
55 "Babe seemed to know that
ten cents worth of kindlin' wood would make him famous some day."
56 "Love makes you go through
fire an' water. Marriage throws th' water on th' fire---"
57 "Doc Hedges wuz too mean
to let Babe wet his feet in th' town lake."
58 "That was one time Babe
gave way to his feelings."
59 "Th' uniforms had been
fitted personally by mail."
60 "That snipe Knight said he'd
quit if clumsy Babe even got a button off a cap."
61 "Then Babe ups and tells him
he'd be playing in th' Polo Grounds when Knight wuz sellin' one peanut in two bags."
62 "Never mind, my boy, some
day you will be a great player and they will all have to look up to you."
63 "Th' Highland team came to
town to beat our boys and make 'em like it."
64 "Th' barber was ready with
tonic--either hair or tonsil."
65 "Th' Highland pitcher
went to th' barber to get prettied up."
66 "Delilah cut Samson's hair but
this barber filled this Samson with old Jumpsteady moon- shine."
67 "Th' parade wuz so good
it wuz repeated twice by request."
68 "'N the Highland manager
found his pitcher hadn't gone near any well too often."
69 "Knight wuz boastin' he
would stand Highland wrong end sideways."
70 "With his pitcher boiled like
a New England dinner, the manager offered Babe a job."
71 "Babe didn't want to play
against Haverlock, but Pig- tails made him."
72 "Babe couldn't get into that
Boy Scout uniform. Fine feathers make birds, but not ballplayers - -"
73 "It was his chance to
show he had th' makin's an' could roll 'em."
74 "Th' Fit and Drum Corps
blowed itself sour that day."
75 "That Haverlock team wuz
a might fine lookin' bunch of misfits."
76 "While the Highlanders wuz
all bone and muscle - - mostly BONE."
77 "Nobody paid no more atten-
tion to Babe than to a No Smoking sign."
78 "Th' best Babe got from
th' home ump wuz th' worst of it."
79 "The ump called Babe out
on a couple of dinky curves and a few wild pitches."
80 "The game wuz nip and
tuck in the fifth with the umpire still livin'."
81 "Babe wuz doin' good in
th' field so long as nuthin' came his way."
82 "Then he threw a shoe
goin' after an easy fly - - and the crowd threw a fit."
83 "The young uns gave Babe
the merry razzberry."
84 "Bout this time they wuz
gettin' ready to launch a new church winder."
85 "In the ninth innin' it was
upsticks, 14-14."
86 "Take him out! Give
him the air!"
87 "Babe busted that toothpick
bat an' called for that old home-made war club - -"
88 "This crook Knight wuz
throwin' a ball that looked smaller'n a split oat."
89 "Th' home town crowd wanted
to lynch a home town boy for makin' a home run for the wrong town."
90 "Doc Hedges thought that
Babe wuz after him. It looked that way, but this time Babe was playing safety first."
91 "Herman too made
a home run."
92 "Miss Almira blamed that
winder on Babe."
93 "Minister couldn't believe
it. Ball park wuz five blocks away."
94 "Almira convinced th' minister
that Babe could knock a cobblestone a mile with a darning needle - -"
95 "That old maid prayed
for Babe but praying don't get husbands."
96 "The crowd ran Babe ragged
but th' minister got up in time to save th' mob."
97 "The generous manager of
the visitin' team gave Babe a munificent advance on his salary."
98 "An' th' town that Babe's
homers made famous wuz drivin' him out for makin' the first one there."
99 "Th' gal wuz gettin' ready to
leave her first town with a crook who'd left a thousand."
100 "Th' gal got remorseful. Changed
her mind like a woman' an' stuck to it like a man."
101 "Babe made that crook
apologize in six languages an' Esperanto to Mildred - -"
102 "Babe wasn't much on that
Hearts an' Flowers stuff. His heart was willin' but his tongue wuz on a strike - -"
103 "Her old man figured she'd
trotted off with Babe and wuz sorer than a ringworm."
104 "Babe took the blame off
th' gal. He wuz one goat what never let out a bleat."
105 "Babe wuz headin' away
from home."
106 "Babe stayed in Hillsdale
long enough to get out. He rose to fame like a comet with two tails."
107 "Babe saw young Tobin with
a flashy lookin' gal an' knew th' kid wuz bein' took."
108 "'Nother ballplayer tells Babe
th' gal is trimmin' young Tobin like a scythe in a hayfield."
109 "So Babe vamps that vamp
an' frames her for a dinner."
110 "Back in Haverlock, old Si
wuz off'n his feed about that boy John."
111 "That boy would have been
as welcome as May flowers in January."
112 "The vamp put up an awful
holler when Babe slipped her a deuce spot and blew be- fore the eats were paid for."
113 "Gee, how my mother could
make pies."
114 "And how my father
could eat!"
115 "And Babe got the glad news
to report for his big league soup and fish in three days--"
116 "I'm headin' home."
117 "He'd been away two years when
Haverlock started to hear from th' man that put th' town on th' weather reports."
118 "The kid told th' old man that
Babe sent him home which made Babe as solid as the rock that made th' Prudential famous."
119 "Th' day that Babe came
home will be remembered as long as Haverlock remains a small town. Which will be always."
120 "Babe flashes first fifty dollar
plaster ever seen in town."
121 "My boy.
My boy."
122 "Babe tells Jim the room
is overcrowded and to try the second show."
123 "And we're all here from
Haverlock to see Babe knock it out of the lot."
124 "An' danged if that crook
Knight wasn't sellin' peanuts an' stealin' the shells."
Home
1