Wikisource:WikiProject Film/Intertitles from GeoCities/The Nut

The Nut 1

Our theme is Love.

The unquenchable love of a man for a maid.

2

Our lover is an inven-

tor. He invents ways of pleasing his girl and then he invents ways of getting out of the trouble caused by his inventions.

3

But - whatever he

does - it is all for

4 HER

5

     Chapter I.
In which we introduce 

our hero -

6

He isn't lazy. He's 

just different and eccen- tric - but then - so were Christopher Columbus - Sir Isaac Newton - Lydia Pinkham - and Ponzi.

7

Maybe necessity is

the mother of inven- tion --- but the father of these is a nut.

8 "Good morning, roses ---"

9

By the way --- all this is

taking place on the second floor of a Greenwich Village apartment house. On the third floor of the same apart- ment house lives THE GIRL --- Estrell Wynn --- the girl Charlie is crazy about -

10

"What are you 

doing down there?"

11

"Life is all give and take.

We get a kick out of the flowers. Maybe they get a kick out of us. Who knows?"

12 "'But soft! What light through

   yonder window breaks?

It is the east and Juliet is

   the sun ---'"

13

"You are the love-

liest flower of all. Do I please you?"

14 "Perhaps - a little."

15

"You do care!

That's what I wanted to find out."

16

"Pouf! I'd show 

that much concern over a puppy."

17

"How are the kiddies?

It's wonderful of you to do these things! And we're going to put your idea over - surely."

18

For the girl that

Charlie is crazy about is crazy about a theory -

19

She believes that homes

radiate a constructive influ- ence and that a group of slum children brought into a refined home for an hour each day will become good citizens - just like that.

20 "See you to-night."

21

An endless chain of

persons to open and end- less chain of refined homes to an endless chain of children - that's Estrell's little idea.

22

This is a gambling

house on West Eighth Street - one of those high class joints, you know.

23

This guy is Philip 

Feeney. He's a hard- boiled gink and crooked as the Gulf Stream.

24

He has horned his 

way into Greenwich Vil- lage society where his true character is unsuspected. Estrell is one of the girls he is crazy about.

25

"Yes - this is the night

of Mr. Jackson's party. Be sure to come. I know he's going to win converts to my cause."

26 "See you to-night."

27

So now we know our 

principal characters --- the man - the maid - the gambler - and the jealous woman. Our story begins at the party given by Charlie to interest some more people in Estrell's theory. Let's go!

28

"We are gathered to 

honor the most adorable girl in the world. You know the work to which she devotes her life ---"

29

"Open your homes!

Who will volunteer?"

30

"I'm glad you like

the party so far - and I've got a lot of sur- prises coming ---"

31

"When I press this 

button the room will be filled with incense."

32

"The first button 

turns out the lights and the next starts the fireworks."

33

"You're like a ship with-

out a rudder. When are you going to have a sincere purpose in life?"

34

"You are my pur-

pose --- you are my career - my life."

35

"Now, folks, if you'll

just be seated, I'm going to put on a little show for you."

36

"Isn't he a sweet

old silly?"

37

"He's a nut! He

starts well - but let's watch the finish."

38

"With your kind

indulgence, I shall give a series of impersona- tions. My first --- Napoleon Bonaparte."

39

"Next - General

U. S. Grant."

40 "Abraham Lincoln."

41 "General Tom Thumb."

42

"You give a so 

wonderful party!"

43 As a sleep producer Charlie's Incense has it all over a trip to Philadelphia.

44

"You can't go home 

looking like that. You'll be arrested."

45

"I re-pu-di-ate you!

Get out of my life - forever!"

46

"Everything was 

going so well and now it's all spoiled. I'm so disappointed."

47

"I just want to 

say - come down to my place and meet some real people."

48

"She won't get very 

far with her theory if she's going to let that idiot run things."

49

Charlie's only thought 

is to get to Estrell and plead for forgiveness -

50 "You must put him in jail!"

51

"A night in the 

police station will be good for him."

52

Desperately

resolved to get up- stairs to HER -

53

"Jailer, please call up

Miss Wynn, Gramercy 35. Tell her I'm heartbroken about this - I adore her - I think she's wonderful - and - just say 'honeybunch' at the end."

54

"Please call up Miss 

Wynn, Gramercy 35, and tell her I'm heart- broken about this --- I adore her - I think she's wonderful - and - just say 'honeybunch' at the end."

55 "No spik English."

56

When Feeney gets 

back to his gambling house, his thoughts, too, are all for a girl -

57

"Gentleman George," crook,

arrested for speeding -

58

"May I introduce my-

self? Name is Jackson - grand-nephew of Andrew Jackson - known as Old Hickory."

59

"My name is Van-

derbrook - cousin of Pernelius and Albert Lynn Vanderbrook."

60

Being on room-

ing terms with a Vanderbrook gives Charlie an idea -

61

He expounds

Estrell's theory -

62

"So you see I've just

got to square myself. I'll give you twenty-five hun- dred dollars for any charity you like if you'll get some of the real society people to help her."

63

"Cousin Pernelius,

Vincent Castor and August Delmont will be at my house to- morrow afternoon. I might introduce you."

64

"If you get out before

I do, please call up Miss Wynn, Gramercy 35. Tell her I'm heartbroken --- I adore her - I think she's wonderful - and - just say 'honeybunch' at the end."

65

De-jailed and anxious

to re-establish himself in Estrell's good graces -

66

"Every castle I build

for you I seem to kick over. Please say you for- give me for last night."

67

"I've the most 

wonderful surprise for you."

68 "Another one?"

69

"To-night I shall have 

Pernelius Vanderbrook, Vincent Castor and August Delmont down- stairs in my apartment - for you to talk to.

70

De-jailed, "Gentleman

George" plans his dirty work. At Feeney's, too, strange as it may seem.

71

"You fellows do 

this and we'll split the proceeds."

72

"I just called up

to say I love you - I adore you - I think you're wonderful - you honeybunch!"

73

"You bet! American

beauties for an American beauty. Send them to Estrell Wynn."

74 "Mr. Jackson, sah."

75

"Yes, they're

all here. Is the little fund for charity here?"

76 "Mr. Vincent Castor."

77

"Mr. Pernelius Vanderbrook

and Mr. August Delmont."

78

The best thing 

Charlie does is to explain Estrell's theory -

79

"Murphy, I want 

you to decide a bet."

80 "This is a frame-up!"

81

"I wanted you to meet 

some pals of mine, so we put up this little game on you. Here's your money."

82

"That's the idea, 

old top, and I'm glad to know you."

83

"And I'm glad 

to know you - in your true colors."

84

"That bird is engaged

to the skirt I've been telling you about."

85

"Then your goose 

is cooked with her!"

86

"Aw - I'll be leading

her around here with a string - in a day or two."

87

"That fellow 

has twenty-five hundred dollars in his vest pocket."

88

"Something has 

happened - I must tell you about it."

89

"I'm so thrilled. I'm

learning my speech by heart ...... I couldn't endure another disap- pointment."

90

An effort to 

get to the real Vanderbrook -

91

"I'd like to speak to

Mr. Vanderbrook."

92

"Have you an

appointment?"

93

"Then it will be 

impossible to see him. This is the hour he usually goes for a walk."

94 Two blocks later -

95

"I'm in a terrible pickle.

I don't want to disappoint a young lady and I've got to get a man to imperson- ate Pernelius Vanderbrook - just for to-night ----"

96 Warren's Wax Works.

97

"Closing time?

Oh, that will be all right."

98 "Where's the manager?"

99

"I have a wonder-

ful watch --- worth a thousand dollars - I'd like to trade for some of your wax figures."

100

"We're not 

in that business."

101

"Seven o'clock.

Everybody out."

102

"Say, Clancy, I saw

a mysterious man - all dressed up - carrying a body through the street."

103

"---- it may be 

the same fellow who terrorized this district last year."

104

"Take a detail of

men and spread a dragnet over Green- wich Village."

105

Eight o'clock creeps

up to Estrell's window, peeps in, and finds her ready to meet Charlie's guests ----

106 "Just a second, dear."

107

"---- and now

Miss Wynn wants to talk to you a few minutes ----"

108

"Gentlemen......

The influence of a beautiful home is like the fragrance of a beautiful flower ----"

109

"My dear young lady,

why don't you marry this young fellow, Jackson, and have a home of your own in which to entertain children?"

110

"Honeybunch, I wouldn't

hurt you for the world. I didn't want to disappoint you - I just wanted to tide over until I could reach the real people. I was desperate."

111

"You make a joke of 

my most sacred feelings. Don't try to see me ---- don't talk to me. I - I'll never forgive you."

112

There is nothing in the 

world that will affect sleep like a heartache. The beau- ties of the universe seem to fade. Visions of the future sink into oblivion. In other words ---- Charlie has had a rotten night.

113

"I'll do anything - I'll

go to a reform school or an insane asylum - anywhere - if you'll only see me again."

114

The office of the 

New York Sphere where Pernelius Vanderbrook, Junior, is breaking in as a cub reporter.

115

"Say, Vanderbrook, a man 

with a silk hat has been seen carrying bodies through the streets down Greenwich Village way. See if you can get the story. It's a good chance for you."

116

Staging a parade 

with Estrell's pet group of children - hoping to soften her heart -

117

"That guy paid 

me five dollars to bump into you."

118

"Bring in anyone 

you find wearing a high hat and a cut- away coat."

119

"We'll have

dinner upstairs."

120

"Don't let anybody

nose around ----"

121

"---- and if that

woman in there gets wild - choke her."

122

"Are we early?

Surely the others will be here soon?"

123

"I've got to see

that man with the top hat. My name is Vanderbrook."

124 "Vanderbrook!"

125 "Throw up your hands!"

126

"You've got me wrong.

I'm a reporter - my paper sent me after a story."

127

"There's a report

at police headquarters that you were seen carrying a body through the streets."

128

"Gee whiz! I 

thought you were here to talk about banana peels."

129

"So you see I got

in this mess trying to make good with HER. I'm crazy to marry her."

130

"Holy cats! This

wax figure stuff is a scream. Have you told anyone else?"

131

"Some story! If

I can get a scoop on it I'll do a whole lot for you. Gosh, you're wonderful!"

132

"Will you get 

your friends to let my sweetheart use their homes?"

133

"Hide those wax

figures. I'll stave off the police."

134

"I tell you we'll do

our own looking."

135

"Mr. Feeney is giving

a dinner for Miss Wynn - at his home."

136

"I'll call up my 

paper and meet you at Feeney's in ten minutes."

137

"You're all under 

arrest. Line up there! Where's Feeney?"

138

"We want that 

fellow who is imper- sonating an officer."

139

"Gambling house, eh?

We can kill two birds with the same stone. You're all under arrest."

140

"Say, officer. The

boss of this joint is on the second floor with a yellow-haired jane. First door on the right hand corridor."

141 A signal ----

142

"Go upstairs and 

get the boss and the dame. The more names we have in the paper, the better!"

143

"You good old 

wonderful you!"

144

"Will you take this 

man to be your wedded husband?"

145

"Will you love, honor

and obey him?"

146

"Excuse me just 

a second, judge."

147

"I beg your pardon,

I thought you were a friend of mine."

148 "Two, please."

149

"Say, judge, will

you please finish what you started?"

150

"There's nothing left

to do but to pronounce you man and wife."

151

"---- and the sentence

is a lifetime of happiness."

152

      The End of the Nut

         COPYRIGHT 1921

DOUGLAS FAIRBANKS PICTURES CORPORATION

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