Cox and Box (complete)/Rataplan

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scene—A Room, decently furnished; at c. a bed, with curtains closed; at l. c. a door; at 3 e. l, a door; at 2 e. l. a chest of drawers; at back r. a window; at 3 e. r. a door; at 2 e. e. a fireplace, with mantelpiece; table and chairs, a few common ornaments on chimney piece.
Cox, dressed, with the exception of his coat, is looking at himself in a small looking-glass, which he holds in his hand.

Cox. I've half a mind to register an oath that I'll never have my hair cut again! (his hair is very short.) And I was particularly emphatic in my instructions to the hair-dresser only to cut the ends off. He must have thought I meant the other ends! Never mind, I shan't meet anybody to care about so early. Eight o'clock, I declare I haven't a moment to lose. Fate has placed me with the most punctual, particular, and peremptory of hatters, and I must fulfil my destiny. (knock at l. c. d.) Open locks, whoever knocks!

Enter Serjeant Bouncer.

Bouncer. Good morning, Colonel Cox. I hope you slept comfortably, Colonel.
Cox. I can't say I did, B. I should feel obliged to you, if you could accommodate me with a more protuberant bolster, B. The one I've got now seems to me to have about a handful and a half of feathers at each end, and nothing whatsoever in the middle.
Boun. Anything to accommodate you, Captain Cox.
Cox. Thank you. Then perhaps you'll be good enough to hold this glass, while I finish my toilet.
Boun. Certainly. (holding glass before Cox, who ties on his cravat.) Why, I do declare, you've had your hair cut!
Cox. Cut! It strikes me I've had it mowed! It's very kind of you to mention it, but I'm sufficiently conscious of the absurdity of my personal appearance already. I look as if I'd been cropped for the Militia—
Boun. The Militia!—I recollect when I was in the Militia.
Cox. Ah! now he's off on his hobby.

[Exit.

Boun. Yes, we were mounted on chargers. I recollect upon one occasion, being seated firmly in my saddle for eight hours, and I don't recollect being able to sit down again firmly for a considerable period afterwards.


RATAPLAN.
(BOUNCER'S SONG.)


{ \override Score.Rest #'style = #'classical \time 3/8 << \new Staff { \key f \minor \tempo "Allegretto marziale." \relative f' { \autoBeamOff R4.*16 
f8 r r g r f16 g | aes8.[( bes16)] g[( aes)] | f4 r8 |
aes8 r r bes r aes16 bes | c8.[( des16)] bes[( c)] | aes8 r
c | bes ees bes | aes16[( g)] f8 aes | g c g | f4
f8 | ees aes aes | g ees g | f f,16[( g]) aes[( bes]) | c8
r r R4. | r8 r c |
} }
\addlyrics { Yes, yes, in those mer -- ry days, Yes, Yes, in those brill -- iant days, we ga -- ther'd our lau -- rels and rode on our bays, We ga -- ther'd our lau -- rels and rode on our bays. I }
\new GrandStaff << \new Staff { \key f \minor \relative g'' { << { R4. | r8 g16 aes bes g | aes8 r r | r g16 aes bes g | aes8 c16[ des ees c] | des8[ bes16 aes des bes] | c8[ aes16 bes c aes] | bes8[ g16 aes bes g] | \repeat unfold 4 { aes[ c g des' c bes] } | aes c e, g f c } \\ { r8\f \repeat unfold 2 { c, f | g c4 ~ c8 } f4 ~ f8 ees4 ~ ees8 des4 ~ des8 c4 ~ c8 \repeat unfold 4 { g'[ e] | c } } >> des16 bes aes f' g, e' | <f aes,>8 aes,,[ c] | f, r r
|
r\p <c' f> <c aes'> | r <c g'> <c e c'> | r <c f aes> <bes e g> | <aes f'> c f, | r <ees' aes> <ees c'> | r <ees bes'> <ees g ees'> | r <ees aes c> <des g bes> | <c aes'>4 <ees c'>8 | <ees bes'> <ees g> <ees bes'> | << { aes16 g f aes g f | <c g'>8 <c ees> <c g'> | f16 ees des f ees des } \\ { c8 c c s4. aes8 aes aes } >> <aes ees'> <c aes'> q | <bes g'>_\markup { \smaller \italic rall. } <bes ees> <bes g'> | <aes f> f16[( g) aes( bes]) | c8 r\f <c' e c'> | <c f aes> << { f16[ g aes bes] } \\ { f8 f } >> | <e c'>\> r c,\! |
} }
\new Staff { \clef bass \key f \minor \relative f { <f f,>8 <aes aes,> <f f,> | <e e,> <c c,> <e e,> | f aes f | \ottava #-1 e, c e f aes f bes g ees aes f des g e c \repeat unfold 4 { f e c } | f g aes | bes c c, | f \ottava #0 aes c f, r r 
r aes' f | r e c | r f c | f c f, | r c'' aes | r g ees | r aes ees | aes aes, aes' | g ees g | f f, f' |
ees c ees | des des, des' | c aes c | ees g ees | f f,16[( g) aes( bes)] | c8 <e e,>[ <c c,>] | <f f,> <aes aes,> <f f,> | <c c'> c,[ bes] |
} }
>> >> }
{ \override Score.Rest #'style = #'classical \override Score.TimeSignature #'stencil = ##f \time 3/8 << \new Staff { \key f \minor \relative f' { \autoBeamOff
f8 f f | \set Score.currentBarNumber = #36 f f16[( g]) aes[( g)] | f8 f f | f r
f | g g g | g g16[( aes]) bes[( aes]) | g8 g g | g g g |
c g c | aes16[( g]) f8 r | R4.*2 
c'8 g c | aes16[( g]) f8 r | R4. | r8 r f | des'8.([ c16)] bes16([ aes)] | } }
\addlyrics { mount -- ed a horse, in her Ma -- jes -- ty's force, As one of the yeo -- men who'd meet with the foe -- men, For then an in -- va -- sion threa -- ten'd the na -- tion, And ev -- 'ry }
\new GrandStaff << \new Staff { \key f \minor \relative f' { <f c>8\p q q | 
<< { f8 f16 g aes g | f8 f'16[ e f e] | f e f ees des c | bes[ aes] g8 g | g g16 aes bes aes | <f g>8 q q | g4 g8 | 
<e c g> <g c,>[ <c e, c>] | aes16[ g] f8 } 
\\ { c8 c[ c] | c f[ f] | f4 f8 | <f des> q[ q] | q q q | des des16 c des c | des c des c bes aes | s4. | <b d>8[ q] } >>
r8 | <c' e c'>\ff <c g'> <c e c'> | << { aes'16[ g] f8 } \\ { <d b>[ q] } >> r8 |
<c e, c>\p <g c,> <c e, c> | << { aes16[ g] f8 } \\ { <d b>[ q] } >> r
<c' e c'>\ff <c g'> <c e c'> | << { a'16[ g] f8 } \\ { <ees c> q } >> r | R4. } }
\new Staff { \clef bass \key f \minor \relative a,, {
\repeat unfold 4 { aes8-. c-. f-. } 
\repeat unfold 4 { bes,-. des-. g-. }
c, e c | f aes f | <c c'> <e e'> <c c'> | <f f'> <aes aes'> <f f'> | c' e c | f aes f | <c c,> <e e,> <c c,> | <f f,> <a a,> <f f,> | <bes, bes,>^\p-. <des des,>-. <bes bes,>-. | } } >>
>> }
{ \override Score.Rest #'style = #'classical \override Score.TimeSignature #'stencil = ##f \time 3/8 << \new Staff { \key f \minor \relative g' { \autoBeamOff
\set Score.currentBarNumber = #52 g8 ees ees | c'8.([ bes16)] aes g | f4 r8
bes8.([ aes16)] g f | e8 c 
c | aes'( g16[ aes]) bes[( g]) | aes8 g16[(^\markup { \smaller \italic cres. } aes]) bes[( g]) | aes8 c16[( des]) ees[( c]) | des8
bes16[( c]) des bes | c4. ~ | c8^\f bes16[( aes]) g[( f]) | c4. ~ | c8 r
c16 c \bar "." \key f \major \repeat unfold 3 { f8 r c16 c }
} }
\addlyrics { man, in the rear, or the van, Found an oc -- ca -- sion, And ev -- 'ry man, in the rear, or the van, Found an oc -- ca -- sion to sing __ Ra -- ta -- plan Ra -- ta -- plan! Ra -- ta -- plan! Ra -- ta- }
\new GrandStaff << \new Staff { \key f \minor \relative g'' { <g bes>8.\p->[( <f aes>16]) <ees g>16-.[ <des f>-.] | <c ees>( <bes des>) <aes c>8-. r8 |
<f' aes>8.[-> <ees g>16] <des f>-.[ <c ees>-.] | <bes des>16( <aes c> <g bes>8)-. r8 |
<e' g>8.[( <des f>16]) <c e>-.[ <bes des>-.] | <aes c>8\p
<< { c4^> ~ | c8_\markup { \smaller \italic cres. } c4^> ~ | c8 c16[ des ees c] | des8 bes16[ c des bes] | c8 bes16 c des aes] }
\\ { g16[ aes bes g] | aes8 g16[ aes bes g] | aes8 f4_> ~ | f8 ees4_> ~ | ees8 r r } >>
g c, des | aes r r | <g e'> r r \bar "." 
\key f \major f'8 r r | s4. | s4. } }
\new Staff { \clef bass \key f \minor \relative e { 
<ees ees,>8 <g g,> <ees ees,> | <aes, aes,> <c c,> <aes aes,> | <des des,> <f f,> <des des,> | <g, g,> <bes bes,> <g g,> | <c c,> <e e,> <c c,> | <f f,> <e e,> <c c,> | <f f,> <e e,> <c c,> | <f f,> <aes aes,> <f f,> |
<bes bes,> <g g,> <ees ees,> | <aes aes,> <g g,> <f f,> | <e e,> <f f,> <bes, bes,> | <c c,> r r | <c c,> r r \bar "." \key f \major
<< { \repeat unfold 3 { r <f bes d> <f a c> } } \\ { \repeat unfold 3 { r bes, f } } >> } } >>
>> }
{ \override Score.Rest #'style = #'classical \override Score.TimeSignature #'stencil = ##f \time 3/8 << \new Staff { \key f \major \relative f' { \autoBeamOff \set Score.currentBarNumber = #68
f8 r f16 f | c'8 c^\cresc c | c c c | c c c | c r^\ff c16 c | f4. f4. f4. ~ | f8 f16[( e f e] | d8) e16[( d e d] | c8) d16[( c d c] | bes8) c16[( bes c bes] | a8) g f | c'4. ~ | c8 r r | e4\fermata f8 | f4. ~ | f4 r8 \bar "." 
\key f \minor } }
\addlyrics { plan! Ra -- ta -- plan, plan, plan, plan, plan, plan, plan, plan, plan, plan. Ra -- ta -- plan! plan, plan __ Ah! __ _ _ _ Ra -- ta -- plan! __ Ra -- ta -- plan! __ }
\new GrandStaff << \new Staff { \key f \major \relative f' { s4. | <e g>8 <f a>\cresc <d f> | \repeat unfold 2 { <e g>8 <f a> <d f> | } <e g>[ c\ff] c'16[ c] |
<< { f8 d16 e f d | c8 d16[ e f d] | c8 d16[ e f d] | c8 f16[ e f e] | d8 e16[ d e d] | <c bes>8 d16[ c d c] | bes8 c16[ bes c bes] | a8 } 
\\ { f' \repeat unfold 3 { bes,4\sf( | a8) } c[ a] | <c f,> bes[ g] | e a[ f] | <a d,> g[ e] | c } >>
<bes e g>[ <a f'>] | <c f c'> <c e bes'> <c f a> | q4.\rfz | <bes e g>\fermata\rfz | <a f'> ~ | q4 r8 \bar "." \key f \minor } } 
\new Staff { \clef bass \key f \major \relative f { 
<< { r <f bes d> <f a c> } \\ { r bes, f } >> 
\repeat unfold 3 { <c' e g> <c f a> <c d f> | } <c e g>[ c] <c c'>16[ q] | <f f,>8 \repeat unfold 3 { <f bes d>4( | <f a c>8) } <a a,>[ <f f,>] | <bes bes,> <g g,> <e e,> | <a a,> <f f,> <d d,> | <g g,> <e e,> <c c,> | <f f,> <c c,> <d d,> | <a a,> <g g,> <f f,> | <c c'>4. q_\fermata | << { f'4. ~ f4. } \\ { f,8 a c f c a } >> \bar "." \key f \minor } }
>> >> }
{ \override Score.Rest #'style = #'classical \override Score.TimeSignature #'stencil = ##f \time 3/8 << \new Staff { \key f \minor \relative c' { \autoBeamOff \set Score.currentBarNumber = #86
R4.*15 r4 \bar "."
c8 | f4. | g8 r g | aes8.[( bes16]) g[( aes)] | f4 f8 | aes4.( | bes4) bes8 | c8.([ des16)] bes([ c)] | aes8 r r | bes8 ees bes | aes16\( g\) f8 r | } }
\addlyrics { We sound -- ed the trum _ -- pet, we beat __ the drum, __ _ _ Some -- how the en -- e -- my, }
\new GrandStaff << \new Staff { \key f \minor \relative g'' { << { R4. | r8 g16 aes bes g | aes8 r r | r g16 aes bes g | aes8 c16[ des ees c] | des8[ bes16 aes des bes] | c8[ aes16 bes c aes] | bes8[ g16 aes bes g] | \repeat unfold 4 { aes[ c g des' c bes] } | aes c e, g f c } \\ { r8\f \repeat unfold 2 { c, f | g c4 ~ c8 } f4 ~ f8 ees4 ~ ees8 des4 ~ des8 c4 ~ c8 \repeat unfold 4 { g'[ e] | c } } >> des16 bes aes f' g, e' | <f aes,>8 aes,,[ c] | f, r \bar "." r\p
r <c' f> <c aes'> | r <c g'> <c e c'> | r <c f aes> <bes e g> | <aes f'> c f, | r <ees' aes> <ees c'> | r <ees bes'> <ees g ees'> | r <ees aes c> <des g bes> | <c aes'>4 <ees c'>8 | <ees bes'> <ees g> <ees bes'> | << { aes16 g f aes g f } \\ { c8 c c } >> } }
\new Staff { \clef bass \key f \minor \relative f { <f f,>8 <aes aes,> <f f,> | <e e,> <c c,> <e e,> | f aes f | \ottava #-1 e, c e f aes f bes g ees aes f des g e c \repeat unfold 4 { f e c } | f g aes | bes c c, | f \ottava #0 aes c f, r \bar "." r 
r aes' f | r e c | r f c | f c f, | r c'' aes | r g ees | r aes ees | aes aes, aes' | g ees g | f f, f' | } }
>> >> }
{ \override Score.Rest #'style = #'classical \override Score.TimeSignature #'stencil = ##f \time 3/8 << \new Staff { \key f \minor \relative g' { \autoBeamOff \set Score.currentBarNumber = #112
g8 c g | f16 ees des8 r | ees aes aes | g ees g | f f,16[( g]) aes[( bes]) | c8 r r | R4. | r8 r8 c16 c |
f8 f f | f f16[( g)] aes[( g]) | f8 f f | f r f16 f | g8 g g | g g16[( aes]) bes[( aes]) | g8 g g | g g g | } }
\addlyrics { Some -- how the en -- e -- my, some -- how the en -- e -- my did -- _ n't come. So I gave up my horse, In her Ma -- jes -- ty's force; As there was -- n't a foe -- man To meet with the yeo -- man, And }
\new GrandStaff << \new Staff { \key f \minor \relative c' { << { <c g'>8 <c ees> <c g'> | f16 ees des f ees des } \\ { s4. aes8 aes aes } >> <aes ees'> <c aes'> q | <bes g'>_\markup { \smaller \italic rall. } <bes ees> <bes g'> | <aes f> f16[( g) aes( bes]) | c8^\markup { \smaller \italic "a tempo." } r\f <c' e c'> | <c f aes> << { f16[ g aes bes] } \\ { f8 f } >> | <e c'>\> r c,\! |
<f c>8\p q q |
<< { f8 f16 g aes g | f8 f'16[ e f e] | f e f ees des c | bes[ aes] g8 g | g g16 aes bes aes | <f g>8 q q | q4 q8 } 
\\ { c8 c[ c] | c f[ f] | f4 f8 | <f des> q[ q] | q q q | des des16 c des c | des c des c bes aes | } >> } }
\new Staff { \clef bass \key f \minor \relative e { ees8 c ees | des des, des' | c aes c | ees g ees | f f,16[( g) aes( bes)] | c8 <e e,>[ <c c,>] | <f f,> <aes aes,> <f f,> | <c c'> c,[ bes] | 
\repeat unfold 4 { aes8-. c-. f-. } 
\repeat unfold 4 { bes,-. des-. g-. }
} }
>> >> }
{ \override Score.Rest #'style = #'classical \override Score.TimeSignature #'stencil = ##f \time 3/8 << \new Staff { \key f \minor \relative c'' { \autoBeamOff \set Score.currentBarNumber = #128
c8 g c | aes16[( g]) f8 r | R4.*2 | c'8 g c | aes16[( g]) f8 r | R4. | r8 r f | des'8.\([ c16\)] bes[( aes]) |
g8 ees ees | c'8.[( bes16)] aes g | f4 des8 | bes'8.[( aes16]) g f | e8 c c | aes'\( g16[ aes]\) bes([ g)] | aes8^\markup { \smaller \italic cres. } g16[( aes]) bes[( g]) | aes8 c16[( des]) ees[( c]) | } } 
\addlyrics { so no in -- va -- sion Threat -- en'd the na -- tion. There was-n't a man, in the rear, or the van, Who found an oc -- ca -- sion. There was -- n't a man in the rear or the }
\new GrandStaff << \new Staff { \key f \major \relative e' { << { <e c g>8 <g c,>[ <c e, c>] | aes16[ g] f8 } 
\\ { s4. | <b, d>8[ q] } >>
r8 | <c' e c'>\ff <c g'> <c e c'> | << { aes'16[ g] f8 } \\ { <d b>[ q] } >> r8 |
<c e, c>\p <g c,> <c e, c> | << { aes16[ g] f8 } \\ { <d b>[ q] } >> r
<c' e c'>\ff <c g'> <c e c'> | << { a'16[ g] f8 } \\ { <ees c> q } >> r | R4.
<g bes>8.\p->[( <f aes>16]) <ees g>16-.[ <des f>-.] | <c ees>( <bes des>) <aes c>8-. r8 |
<f' aes>8.[-> <ees g>16] <des f>-.[ <c ees>-.] | <bes des>16( <aes c> <g bes>8)-. r8 |
<e' g>8.[( <des f>16]) <c e>-.[ <bes des>-.] | <aes c>8\p
<< { c4^> ~ | c8_\markup { \smaller \italic cres. } c4^> ~ | c8 c16[ des ees c] }
\\ { g16[ aes bes g] | aes8 g16[ aes bes g] | aes8 f4_> ~ | } >> } }
\new Staff { \clef bass \key f \major \relative c, { 
c8 e c | f aes f | <c c'> <e e'> <c c'> | <f f'> <aes aes'> <f f'> | c' e c | f aes f | <c c,> <e e,> <c c,> | <f f,> <a a,> <f f,> | <bes, bes,>^\p-. <des des,>-. <bes bes,>-. |
<ees ees,>8 <g g,> <ees ees,> | <aes, aes,> <c c,> <aes aes,> | <des des,> <f f,> <des des,> | <g, g,> <bes bes,> <g g,> | <c c,> <e e,> <c c,> | <f f,> <e e,> <c c,> | <f f,> <e e,> <c c,> | <f f,> <aes aes,> <f f,> |
} } >> 
>> }
{ \override Score.Rest #'style = #'classical \override Score.TimeSignature #'stencil = ##f \time 3/8 << \new Staff { \key f \minor \relative d'' { \autoBeamOff \set Score.currentBarNumber = #145 
des8 bes16[( c]) des bes | c4. ~ | c8^\f bes16[( aes]) g[( f]) | c4. ~ | c8 r^\p
c16 c \bar "." \key f \major \repeat unfold 3 { f8 r c16 c }
f8 r f16 f | c'8 c^\cresc c | c c c | c c c | c r^\ff c16 c | f4. f4. f4. ~ | f8 f16[( e f e] | d8) e16[( d e d] | c8) d16[( c d c] | bes8) c16[( bes c bes] | a8) g f | c'4. ~ | c8 r r | e4\fermata f8 | f4. ~ | f4. ~ | f8 r r R4.*2  \bar ".|." } }
\addlyrics { van, Found an oc -- ca -- sion to sing __ Ra -- ta -- plan Ra -- ta -- plan! Ra -- ta -- plan! Ra -- ta -- plan! Ra -- ta -- plan, plan, plan, plan, plan, plan, plan, plan, plan, plan. Ra -- ta -- plan! plan, plan __ Ah! __ _ _ _ Ra -- ta -- plan! __ Ra -- ta -- plan! __ }
\new GrandStaff << \new Staff { \key f \minor \relative d'' { 
<< { des8 bes16[ c des bes] | c8 bes16 c des aes] }
\\ { f8 ees4_> ~ | ees8 r r } >>
g c, des | aes r r | <g e'> r r \bar "." 
\key f \major f'8\p r r | s4. | s4. |
s4. | <e g>8 <f a>\cresc <d f> | \repeat unfold 2 { <e g>8 <f a> <d f> | } <e g>[ c\ff] c'16[ c] |
<< { f8 d16 e f d | c8 d16[ e f d] | c8 d16[ e f d] | c8 f16[ e f e] | d8 e16[ d e d] | <c bes>8 d16[ c d c] | bes8 c16[ bes c bes] | a8 } 
\\ { f' \repeat unfold 3 { bes,4\sf( | a8) } c[ a] | <c f,> bes[ g] | e a[ f] | <a d,> g[ e] | <c f> } >>
<bes e g>[ <a f'>] | <c f c'> <c e bes'> <c f a> | q4.\rfz | <bes e g>\fermata\rfz | <a f'> | q8 <f' a> <f a c> | <f a f'> r r | q r r | <f c a> r r \bar ".|." } }
\new Staff { \clef bass \key f \minor \relative b { 
<bes bes,> <g g,> <ees ees,> | <aes aes,> <g g,> <f f,> | <e e,> <f f,> <bes, bes,> | <c c,> r r | q r r \bar "." \key f \major
<< { \repeat unfold 4 { r <f bes d> <f a c> } } \\ { \repeat unfold 4 { r bes, f } } >> 
\repeat unfold 3 { <c' e g> <c f a> <c d f> | } <c e g>[ c] <c c'>16[ q] | <f f,>8 \repeat unfold 3 { <f bes d>4( | <f a c>8) } <a a,>[ <f f,>] | <bes bes,> <g g,> <e e,> | <a a,> <f f,> <d d,> | <g g,> <e e,> <c c,> | <f f,> <c c,> <d d,> | <a a,> <g g,> <f f,> | <c c'>4. q_\fermata | << { f'4. ~ f4. } \\ { f,8 a c f c a } >> | f r r <f f'> r r <f f,> r r \bar "." } }
>> >> }


Cox. Well this is pleasant. This comes of having one's hair cut. None of my hats will fit me. Never mind, this one appears to me to wobble about rather less than the others (puts on hat), and now I'm off! By the by, Bouncer, I wish to know how it is that I frequently find my apartment full of smoke?
Boun. Why—I suppose the chimney—
Cox. The chimney doesn't smoke tobacco. I'm speaking of tobacco smoke. How is that?
Boun. (confused) Why—I suppose—yes—that must be it—
Cox. At present I am entirely of your opinion—because I haven't the most distant particle of an idea what you mean.
Boun. Why, the gentleman who has got the attics is hardly ever without a pipe in his mouth—and there he sits for hours, and puffs away into the fire-place.
Cox. Ah, then you mean to say that this gentleman's smoke, instead of emulating the example of all other sorts of smoke, and going up the chimney, thinks proper to affect a singularity by taking the contrary direction.
Boun. Why—
Cox. Then I suppose the gentleman you are speaking of is the same individual that I invariably meet coming up stairs when I'm going down, and going down when I'm coming up?
Boun. Why—yes—I—
Cox. From the appearance of his outward man, I should unhesitatingly set him down as a gentleman connected with the printing interest.
Boun. Yes, sir, and a very respectable young gentleman he is. Good morning Colonel.

[going