God and His Book

by Saladin

God and His Book.

 

BY

 

ועתה​ישראל​שמע​אל​החקים​ואל​המשפטים​אשר​אנכי​מלמד​אתכם​לעשות​למען​תחיו​ובאתם​וירשתם​את​הארץ​אשר​יהוה​אלהי​אבתיכם​נתן​לכם​לא​תספו​על​הדבר​אשר​אנכי​מצוה​אתכם​ולא​תגרעו​ממנו​לשמר

 

LONDON:

W. STEWART & Co., 41, FARRINGDON STREET, E.C.

 

ERRATA.

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• Page 7, for Acts of Uriah read Acts of Uzziah.
• Page 19, for 2 Kings xxxiii. read 2 Kings xxiii.
• Page 27, for Acts xi. read Acts ii.
• Page 139, Genesis i. Water abundant omit verse 5.
• Page 167, for 1 Thess. iv. 14 read 1 Thess. iv. 17.

 

CONTENTS.

 

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CHAPTER I.—pp. 2-9.

 

All Scripture Inspired—Difficulty of Knowing Divine from Human Writings—Holy Ghost Lacks Literary Talent—Old Testament References to Books Now Lost—Are the Targums Inspired?—The Godhead as an Author.

 

CHAPTER II.—pp. 10-15.

 

Qualifications of a True Littérateur—List of Books that at Various Times have been Attributed to the Holy Ghost—Which of them are Really His?—Lack of Care in the Custody of the Scriptures—Curious Plan Deity Adopted to Publish the Scriptures.

 

CHAPTER III.—pp. 16-20.

 

The "Book of the Law" not in the Ark—Ark Lost for 2,800 Years—Where is it?—"Book of the Law" Found—How Verified—Huldah the Witch—"Book of the Law" again Lost—Reproduced by Ezra.

 

CHAPTER IV.—pp. 21-29.

 

Ezra Proves Useful to his Maker—Indispensables in Bible-Writing—Ambiguity and Obscurity—Inadvisability of Translating Bibles—Bibles not Read, even when Translated—Testimony of the Fathers that the Bible was Written by Ezra—Thus not Necessary that the Previous Bible-writers should have been Inspired—Theories of Inspiration.

 

CHAPTER V.—pp. 30-37.

 

Predecessor of the Holy Ghost—The Language in which the Old Testament was Written—The Maserites—Adoption of Chaldean Alphabet—Indefinite Character of the Hebrew Text—Different Readings.

 

CHAPTER VI.—pp. 38-46.

"Inspired" Bumpkins—Why not "Inspire" the Philosophers of Greece and Rome?—The Unlearned Entirely at the Mercy of the Learned—A Specimen from the Writings of the Holy Ghost—No one Language can be Translated with Exact Equivalency into any other—800,000 Various Readings Admitted—The Potency of a Single Gospel-grinder—Testimony of the Rev. Dr. Irons—Mental Thimble-rigging.

 

CHAPTER VII.—pp. 47-52.

 

Palimpsests—Asses, etc., with Four Hides—Specimen of a Palimpsest—Christianity Charged with the Loss of Certain Greek and Roman Classics—Diodorus Siculus Lost that we might have an Account of the Virgin Mary's Milk—Divine Fiddle-faddling.

 

CHAPTER VIII.—pp. 53-57.

 

Our Earliest Hebrew Text more than 1,000 Years more Recent than the Time of Moses—800 Years to Decipher God's Book—"In Toby" or "On Tabby"—"Bet, Cheat"—In what Language did Moses Write?

 

CHAPTER IX.—pp. 58-64.

 

The "Search" for "Eternal Life"—The "Search" Easier now than it Once was—The Parts of Scripture Most Intensely Inspired—A Short Cut to "Eternal Life"—The Lant Street Mechanic's Speech to Jehovah.

 

CHAPTER X.—pp. 65-72.

 

A Hiatus of over 2,000 Years—No Allowance Made for Change in the Language from the Date of Genesis to that of Malachi—The Septuagint and its Witnesses—Prodigies which would be Incredible but for the Evidence of such Witnesses.

 

CHAPTER XI—pp. 73-80.

The Kind of God Rejected and the Kind of God Wanted—Reasons why God did not Produce a Better Book—Domestic Complications and Infelicities in the Divine Family Circle—God's Grandmother, St. Ann—The Virgin Mary.

 

CHAPTER XII.—pp. 81-87.

 

The Scriptures Modern—Father Hardouin's Contention—Alleged Forgery of the Greek and Roman Classics—Fallibility of Scholars and Experts—Instances of the Spurious Antique in Literature—150,000 Different Readings of Holy Writ—Christ Quoted from a Spurious Version, the Septuagint.

 

CHAPTER XIII.—pp. 88-94.

 

Is God Magnanimous?—Scriptural Obscurity—All Hagiography Obscure—Genesis iv. 23-24—Sacred Languages—The Name of God—Reputable and Disreputable Necromancy.

 

CHAPTER XIV.—pp. 95-100.

 

The Eve and Apple Story—If this Story of the "Fall" be not Literally True, "Redemption" would be Unnecessary—The Adam and Eve Story a Plagiarism—The "Fall" and Death Absolutely Indispensable—Mathematical Calculation Showing what would Now be the Population of the Globe if there had been no Death—Damnation Consequently a Blessing.

 

CHAPTER XV.—pp. 101-105.

 

Where the Israelites Got the Adam Fable—An Earlier Version of the Adam Fable—Is Normal Man Insane?

 

CHAPTER XVI.—pp. 106-114.

 

Origin of Chapters and Verses in the Old Testament—Protestant Misprints in and Additions to the Works of the Holy Ghost—Papist Tamperings with the Writings of the Holy Ghost—The Attitude of Him who is Neither Protestant nor Papist—Triviality of the Conflict between the Sectarians.

 

CHAPTER XVII.—pp. 115-121.

 

Burning the Works of the Holy Ghost—Papist Disparagement of the Works of the Holy Ghost—The Virgin Mary's Shift—Advice to Jehovah—Papal Opposition to the Circulation of the Works of the Holy Ghost—Conditions under which Papists may Read the Works of the Holy Ghost.

 

CHAPTER XVIII.—pp. 122-129.

 

Canon Westcott on the Works of the Holy Ghost—"La Bandera Catholica" on the Works of the Holy Ghost—List of those Burnt for Godsake by Torquemada and Others Bibliolaters and Biblioclasts—Gospel-grinding Apologetics—Reply to the Same—Jules Soury on Jesus—Redemption—The Goblet of Fire.

 

CHAPTER XIX.—pp. 130-138.

 

Acquaintance with God's Book—The Assault not upon the Bible's Own Pretensions, but upon the Pretensions Made for it—Two "Creations," the First by the Gods,the Second by the Lord—Reconcilement of the Two Conflicting Accounts—Woman Made in the Dark—The Damnation Trap in Eden—The Question.

 

CHAPTER XX.—pp. 139-147.

 

Biblical Self-contradictions—Suggested Reasons for the Self-Contradictions—Biblical Obscenity—Admissions as to Biblical Obscenity—Numerical Efficiency of the Different Religions of the World.

 

CHAPTER XXI.—pp. 148-154.

 

Questions addressed to Jehovah—Intestinal Proof—Abraham'sLosing Sixty Years of his Life—The King of Sodom's Restoration to Life—Melchisedek—His Series of Lectures—A Dream which is not All a Dream.

 

CHAPTER XXII.— pp. 155-162.

 

The Lord "Creating" More than He Knew of—The Living Organisms in the Thames Water Praising the Lord—Jehovah "Created" Worlds without Knowing it—We "Created" God—Jehovah has Served his Purpose and Become Obsolete—A Roll of Dead Gods.

 

CHAPTER XXIII.—pp 163-169.

 

Christ as a Prophet—Christ's Most Important Prophecy not Fulfilled—1800 Years Too Late!—Christ's Geographical Knowledge—Proof of Christ's Prophecy of His "Second Coming"—Terrible Uproar Connected Therewith, Shaking the "Powers of the Heavens," etc.

 

CHAPTER XXIV.—pp. 170-176.

 

Devout Ignorance—Mr. John Smith's Belief—Gospel-forging—Fixing the Canon at the Council of Nice—Jumping and Non-Jumping Gospels—The Pious English Girl's Happy Ignorance of her Bible—Christianity Covers much Less of the Area of the Globe than She Did 1000 Years Ago.

 

CHAPTER XXV.—pp. 177-185.

 

Success of the Ghost as an Author—The Ghost a Plagiarist—The "Lord's Prayer" Far Older than Christ or Christianity—The "Lord's Prayer" Stolen from the Jewish Kadish—The "Lord's Prayer" Culled out of Ancient Jewish Prayers—Scriptural Plagiarism from the Talmud—The "Lord's Prayer" Examined—The Golden Rule a Plagiarism—Its Formulation by Different Writers Centuries before Christ—The Golden Rule Examined.

 

CHAPTER XXVI.—pp. 186-192.

 

Divine Falsehood, Ancient and Modern—Archdeacon Farrar's Allegement that Christianity Originated Hospitals—Evidence of the Falsity of Archdeacon Farrar's Allegement—Cowardice of Ecclesiasticism—Non- and Anti-Christian Philanthropy.

 

CHAPTER XXVII.—pp. 193-200.

 

Christianity's Claim to have Rendered Hospitals Necessary—Ante-Christian Medicine—"Holy Oil" and Christian "Learning"—The Host and the Use of Poisons—Saints Presiding over Particular Maladies—Curing by the Sign of the Cross—A Christian Brothel—Ante- and Anti-Christian Therapeutics, Civilisation, and Philanthropy.

 

CHAPTER XXVIII.—pp. 201-209.

 

Mohammedan Civilisation, Literature, and Science—Mr. John Smith as a Product of Christian Civilisation—Pious Slaughterings—Ante-Christian Architecture and Masonry—Insanitary Christendom—Persecution of the Jews—Ancient and Modern Hedonism.

 

CHAPTER XXIX.—pp. 210-216.

 

Pagan Rome versus Christian England—Roman Slavery and English Serfdom—How the Machinery of Statecraft and Priestcraft is Maintained—The Fruits of Christianity at Home and Abroad—The First Christian Murderer—Constantine and Julian—Death of Julian.

CHAPTER XXX.—pp. 217-224.

 

Infallibility of the Bible—Endowment of Opinion—Canterbury Cathedral and how it is Supported—Church Property Exempt from Taxation—Ecclesiasticism and Morality—Bishops and Brewers—Shameless Promotion—The Secret of Christianity's Survival—Persecution and Cruelty Pagan Decline and Christian Triumph.

 

CHAPTER XXXI.—pp. 225-230.

 

Christian Propaganda—The Jehovah-Jesus Juggle Christianity Willing but Impotent to Persecute—Is Christianity Compatible with Culture and Education?—Who Believes Christianity?—The God of Battles—A Retrospect and Forecast—Onward to the Orient!

 

CHAPTER XXXII.—pp. 231-237.

 

Christianity's Claim to have Originated Lunatic Asylums—Religious Insanity—Religious Insanity Incurable—The Bible and Brandy—Better to Go to Hell with Reason than to Heaven without it.

 

CHAPTER XXXIII.—pp. 238-243.

 

The Confused Nature of God's Book—A Few Questions Addressed to Jehovah—Was God Ever in Hell?—Pulpit Lies—The Relative Ages of Sacred Books.

 

CHAPTER XXXIV.—pp. 244-252.

 

Divine Plagiarism—The Canonical and Apocryphal New Testaments—The Talmud—Scriptural Plagiarisms from the Talmud—The "Creature" asks no Reward for Enlightening his "Creator"—The Way the "Creator" has Rewarded Certain of his Favourite "Creatures."

 

CHAPTER XXXV.—pp. 253-261.

 

How Christianity Vaulted into Power—Gospel Propagation a Pious Sham—The Masses as Religionists—Shirt-and-Sovereign Christians—Constantine—"Creating" Fools—The God of Battles—Krupp's Cannon Factory.

 

CHAPTER XXXVI.—pp. 262-268.

 

Books and Bayonets—"Our Father which art in Heaven"—God's Drunken Children—Poverty's Malebolge—The Black Pipe and the Pawn Tickets—Sleeping under the Stars—The Sleep of one of God's Female Children.

 

CHAPTER XXXVII.—pp. 269-275.

 

Poverty and Prostitution—God as Limned in the Bible—Jehovah's Handwriting—What the Educated Think of the Book—The Dissemination of the Scriptures Prohibited by the Papists—The Jews and the Bible—Eating the Lord—Cannibalism in New Guinea.

CHAPTER XXXVIII.—pp. 276-281.

 

"Whom the Lord Loveth he Chasteneth"—Did God "Create" Hell?—Uncritical Ignorance the Bed-Rock of Sacred Lies—The Wooden-legged Liar of Antietam—A Living Hell—Testimony that God can Indeed Make Hell.

 

CHAPTER XXXIX.—pp. 282-289.

God an Affair of the Enterics—Prayer Degrading—The Danger of Too Many Praying at Once—Christ's Second Coming Precipitated—Difficulties in the Way of Prayer—Jehovah's Autograph—His Efforts in the Epistolary Line—The "Prayer of Jesus, the Son of Mary."

 

CHAPTER LX.—pp. 290-295.

 

Which Verson of the "Lord's Prayer" does the Lord Prefer?—Divergent Readings of the "Lord's Prayer"—Two Versions of the Decalogue—The Resurrection of the Marquis of Anglesey's Leg—Grander than the Resurrection and Nobler than Prayer—My Salvation—Is Heaven Worth the Going to?—Measurement of the New Jerusalem—Written Warranty to Give Away 99 of my 100 Rooms—If there be Hell, "then Heaven too is Hell."

 

CHAPTER XLI.—pp. 296-302.

 

Aversion to be Considered Sacrilegious—How Jehovah Punished Titus for Sacrilege—The Increased Distance Between Heaven and Earth—The Gnat that Ate the Brain of Titus—The Louse a Distinctive Mark of "the Finger of God"—The Solid Earth not Stable—Improvements in the Earthquake since the Days of Korah, Dathan, and Abiram—Quiet Death—Prepared for the Gnat of Titus or the Earthquake of Korah—Peroration Addressed to Jehovah.