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my countenance often bore the appearance of mirth and cheerfulness, yet, when I reflected, conscience made me miserable, and I possessed no real heart-cheering happiness. The religious impressions made on my youthful heart were never entirely obliterated, though I ardently wished that I could banish every sentiment of remorse from my mind, and commit sin without compunction: but this I found impossible.
We were engaged abroad in many battles, too numerous to mention. I have often seen whole ranks of my fellow-soldiers hurried into an eternal world; three times I have been wounded, and once was left for dead on the field of battle. Notwithstanding these awful scenes, my heart was hardened through the deceitfulness of sin, and I became increasingly depraved. Thus I went on for many years, thoughtless of God and an eternal world; but I was at length arrested in any mad career by the hand of disease. I was confined to the hospital, and lay for many months upon the bed of sickness, in great pain of body, and still greater distress of mind. My old jovial companions now almost forsook me, or if they paid me a visit, I found that their mirth and laughter only increased my sufferings. In these circumstances I resolved to read attentively the books which your father gave me, and which I had carefully preserved; from them I derived much instruction, especially from the Bible, which I have ever since carried in my knapsack.
“At this time I very much felt the want of a Christian friend, to whom I could disclose my feelings, and who could instruct me on many subjects which I could not understand. At length, I recollected that there was an old Scotch Highlander in our regiment, whom I had often ridiculed for his piety: to him I was at first ashamed to send, till I recollected various instances in which he shewed his kindness to those who had abused him. I sent, and the same evening Douglas (for that was his name) came, and placed himself by my bedside. I immediately began to beg his pardon for the injuries I had done to him in former times; but he desired me to feel no uneasiness on that account, as he always made a point, when reproached by his companions, to offer a silent prayer to God on their behalf; and he hoped that his petitions for me would now be answered. I then told him that I had received a pious education, had frequently felt religious impressions which were afterwards effaced, and was exceedingly alarmed at my present situation, lest I should be unprepared for an eternal state to which I might probably soon be summoned.
“Douglas endeavoured to give me all the information in his power: he told me to examine my own heart, to consider my past life, and to ascertain my present feelings. He displayed the exceeding sinfulness of sin, and my own inability to save myself, in the most striking manner.
