NOSTALGIA 39
And there's no sense in complaining when the cause of discomfort is in oneself. My soul is sick ; it's a plant torn from the place where it sprang ; every little shock withers it. Why should I lament? It's useless. Nothing can cure me, not even Antonio's love. The rain will stop, the fine days will come, I shall have my own house, and needn't be bothered with any one's company ; but shall I even then be happy ? Who can tell ? Yet, after all, what does it matter ? One must just accept life as it is, and resign oneself, and try to live to oneself. I don't understand the mania for company. Isn't it possible to live alone? Isn't it better ? What company so good as one's own ? And," she concluded, " it won't last for ever. We've all got to die."
She took this for resignation, and decided to write a letter full of pious lies. But, searching the pigeon- holes for an envelope, she came upon Antonio's letters to his mother during the three months he had served on the Commission at C e.
Curiosity prompted her to look into them.
In the beginning of the correspondence Antonio described the place with rapid touches, and praised the inhabitants, whom he found energetic, lively, quick- witted.
" I have established myself," he wrote, " in an excellent family, thoroughly honest and sensible. The father is school-master in a neighbouring village, but lives here that his own children may attend secondary schools. The boy Gabriele is smart, active, and ambitious. Gabriella, the girl, is very clever, and intends to be an authoress. The school-master (nick- named the giwndol [spindle], because he's never quiet
