There was all this time a secret monitor within telling me that I should be calling sinners to repentance. I could not get clear of that reflection by day or by night. Walking or dreaming, I seemed to have a large congregation before me, all in tears, as I told them the story of the cross. Thus for months and years did I debate; and yet did I falter and hesitate, and, like Jonah, trim my sail for Tarshish. I thought if I were a man it would be a pleasure for me; but for me, a woman, to preach, if I could, would subject me to ridicule and contempt among my friends and kindred, and bring reproach upon His glorious cause.
Always when I had trouble I would flee to the strong-hold of faith and grace and prayer. But when I went in secret to pray the words seemed to come to me, "You deny me before men, and I will deny you before my Father and the holy angels." Then I would go to my Bible and search for teachings and examples. Who made sport of Miriam when the poet said:
With sounding timbrels in her hand,
And virgins moved in order grand,
And after her they shouting danced."
Again, the Lord put his erring people in remembrance of his great blessing to Israel when he said, "Did I not send thee Moses and Aaron and Miriam to be your leaders?" And again the prophets were ordained of God. And when there was trouble on hand Barak dare not meet the enemy unless Deborah led the van. And the noble woman, always ready to work for God and his cause, said, "I will surely go. God's people must not be a prey to the enemy." "Oh, no; call out the men of Israel; Sisera's mighty hosts are gathering."
As I continued to read my Bible I saw that in all ages of the world the Lord raised up of his own choosing, men, women, and children-Miriam, Deborah, Hannah, Hulda, Anna, Phoebe, Narcissus, Tryphena, Persis, Julia, and the Marys, and the sis- ters who were co-workers with Paul in the gospel, whose names were in the Book of Life, and many other women whose labors are mentioned with praise. Even the children were made the instruments of his praise and glory. See I. Samuel iii. 4; Jeremiah i. 6; Numbers xxii. 28.
The more I investigated the more I found to condemn me.
