that I might die quickly, that my soul might be gone to rest!
129. But before I had got thus far out of these my temptations, I did greatly long to See some ancient godly man's experience, who had lived some hundreds of years before I was, born. Well, after many such longings in my mind, the God in whose hands are all my days and ways did cast into my hand one day a book of Martin Luther's; it was his comment on the Galatians. It was so old that it was ready to fall piece from piece if I did but turn it over. Now I was pleased much that such an old book had fallen into my hands, the which, when I had but a little way perused, I found my condition, in his experience, so largely and profoundly handled as if his book had been written out of my heart. This made me marvel for thus thought I, This man could not know anything of the state of Christians now, but must needs write and speak the experience of former days.
130. Besides; he doth meet gravely also in that book debate of the rise of these temptations—namely, blasphemy, desperation, and the like—showing that the law of Moses, as well as the devil, death, and hell, hath a very great hand therein: the which at first was very strange to me; but considering and watching, I found it so indeed. But of particulars here I intend nothing, only that I do prefer this book of Martin Luther upon the Galatians (excepting the Holy Bible) before all the books that ever I have seen, as most fit for a wounded conscience.
131. And now I found, as I thought, that I loved Christ dearly. Oh, methought my soul cleaved unto him, my affection cleaved unto him! I felt my love to him as hot as fire, But I did Quickly fond that my great love was but too little, and that I, who had, as I thought, such burning love to Jesus Christ, could let him go again for a trifle. God can tell how to abase us, and can hide prideth man. Quickly after his my love was tried to purpose.
