132. For after the Lord had in this manner thus graciously delivered me from this great and sore temptation, nd had given me such strong consolation and blessed evidence from heaven touching my interest in his love through Christ, the tempter came upon me again, and that with a more grievous and dreadful temptation than before.
133. And that was, to sell and part with the most blessed Christ, to exchange him for the things of this life, for anything. The temptation lay upon me for the space of a year, and did follow me so continually that I was not rid of it one day in a month—no, not sometimes one hour in many days together, unless when I was asleep.
134. And though in my judgment I was persuaded that those who were once effectually in Christ, as I hoped through his grace I had seen myself, could never lose him for ever—"For the land shall not be sold for ever, for the land is mine," saith God (Lev. xxxv. 23)—yet it was a continual vexation to me to think that I should have so much one such thought within me against a Christ, a Jesus, that had done for me he had done; and yet then I had almost none others but such blasphemous ones.
135. But it was neither my dislike of the thought, nor yet any desire and endeavour to resist it, that in the least did shake or abate the continuation or force and strength thereof; for it did always, in almost whatever I thought, intermix itself therewith in such sort that I could neither eat my food, stoop for a pin, chop a stick, or cast mine eye to look on this or that, but still the temptation would come, Sell Christ for this, or sell Christ for that; sell him, sell him.
136. Sometimes it would run in my thoughts, not so little as a hundred times together, Sell him, sell him; against which, I may say for whole hours together, I have been forced to stand as continually leaning and forcing my spirit against it, lest haply, before I were aware, some wicked thought might arise in my heart, that might consent thereto, And
