482 POSTHUMOUS PAPERS OF
' At this affecting reply, Mrs. Weller being wholly unable to suppress her feelings, sobbed aloud, and stated her conviction that the red-nosed man was a saint ; whereupon Mr. Weller, senior, ventured to suggest, in an undertone, that he must be the representative of the united parishes of Saint Simon Without and Saint Walker Within.
"I'm afeerd, mum," said Sam, " that this here gen'lm'n, vith the tvist in his countenance, feels rayther thirsty, vith the melancholy spectacle afore him. Is it the case, mum ? "
The worthy lady looked at Mr. Stiggins for a reply, and that gen- tleman, with many rollings of the eye, clenched his throat with his right hand, and mimicked the act of swallowing, to intimate that he was a- thirst.
" I am afraid, Samuel, that his feelings have made him so, indeed," said Mrs. Weller, mournfully.
- ^ Wot's your usual tap, Sir ? *' replied Sam.
"Oh, my dear young friend!" replied Mr. Stiggins, "all taps is vanities."
"Too true; too true, indeed," said Mrs. Weller, murmuring a groan and shaking her head assentingly.
"Veil," said Sam, "I des-say they may be. Sir; but vich is your partickler wanity. Vich wanity do you like the flavour on best. Sir.?"
"Oh, my dear young friend," replied Mr. Stiggins, " despise them all. If," said Mr. Stiggins, if there is any one of them less odious than another, it is the liquor called rum — warm, my dear young friend, with three lumps of sugar to the tumbler."
" Werry sorry to say, Sir," said Sam, '^that they don t allow that partickler wanity to be sold in this here establishment."
"Oh, the hardness of heart of these inveterate men!" ejaculated Mr. Stiggins. " Oh, the accursed cruelty of these inhuman perse- cutors ! "
With these words, IMr. Stiggins again cast up his eyes, and rapped his breast with his umbrella ; and it is but justice to the reverend gen- tleman to say, that his indignation appeared very real and unfeigned indeed.
After Mrs. Weller and the red-nosed gentleman had commented on this inhuman usage in a very forcible manner, and vented a variety of pious and holy execrations against its authors, the latter recommended a bottle of port wine, warmed with a little water, spice, and sugar, as being grateful to the stomach, and savouring less of vanity than many other compounds. It was accordingly ordered to be prepared, and pending its preparation the red-nosed man and Mrs. Weller looked at the elder W. and groomed.
" Veil, Sammy," said that gentleman, " I hope you'll find your spirits rose by this here lively wisit. Wery cheerful and improvin' conwersa- tion, ain't it, Sammy } "
- ' You're a reprobate," replied Sam; "and I desire you von't address
no more o' them ungraceful remarks to me."
So far from being edified by this very proper reply, the elder Mr.
