"You have such a gentle and amiable disposition," he said to me one day, "that I cannot understand your having been guilty of the wickedness of which you are accused. Two things fill me with astonishment: one, how, with all your good qualities, you could have abandoned yourself to licentious excesses; and the other, which strikes me as even more amazing, how you can give such willing attention to my advice and teaching after having lived for several years in habitual immorality. If it be the result of repentance, you are a signal example of the mercy of Heaven; if it be from natural goodness of heart, you are at any rate possessed of an excellent basis of character, which leads me to hope that we shall not be under the necessity of keeping you here very long in order to reclaim you to a virtuous and exemplary life."
I was delighted beyond measure to find that he entertained such a good opinion of me, and resolved to enhance it by giving him every reason to be satisfied with my conduct; for I felt convinced that this was the surest method of shortening the term of my imprisonment. I asked him for some books. He was surprised, on allowing me to choose for myself what I would read, to see me select some authors of a serious character. I pretended to apply myself to study with the utmost ardor, and lost no opportunity of giving him the impression that the change he desired to see in me was actually taking place.
It was only an outward one, however. Let me confess with shame that at St. Lazare I played the part of a hypocrite. When alone, instead of studying, I spent mv time in bewailing my hard fate. I cursed my prison, and the tyranny which kept me there. No sooner had I gained some respite from the dejection into which my disgrace had thrown me than I once more fell a victim to the torments of Love.
