seem stupid enough on repetition; for many of the events of our lives that cause the heartiest laughter, depend so much on the surroundings arid accessories, that it is difficult to raise even a smile at them when narrated. Nearly every day, however, little controversies would occur between myself and ladies who tried to beguile me with their smiles, little suspecting how well fortified I was against their fascinating arts; and I often laughed heartily to myself at noting the nice feminine wiles that were brought to bear to beguile me from the strict line of my duty. I am afraid that, had I been a man, some of these wiles would have been successful; but as, in spite of my garments, I was compelled to view the arts of my feminine passengers, and would-be passengers, from a feminine standpoint, I am scarcely able to doubt that the military conductorship on this particular line was run on more rigidly virtuous principles, during my term of service, than before or afterwards.
My duty was to run on the trains and examine passes, fur loughs, and leaves of absence; and as I could place any one under arrest who was not travelling with the right kind of papers, or who was unprovided with papers of any kind, I was a personage of considerable importance, not only to the officers and soldiers who were going back and forth, but to the ladies, who courted me with remarkable assiduity, with a view of inducing me to grant them favors. The women folk tormented me a good deal more than the men did, for the average masculine had a wholesome dread of the rigors of military discipline, and was consequently manageable, while my own sex relied on accomplishing, by means of their fascinations, what was impossible to the men. They would make all kinds of excuses, and tell all kinds of improbable stories, to induce me to pass them; but as I put a stop to all that kind of nonsense at the very start, and made up my mind to do business on strictly military principles, I soon became anything but popular. Occasionally some of my would-be charmers, finding it impossible to make any impression on me, would abuse me roundly for refusing to grant their request. This, of course, did not have any other effect than to afford me much amusement; but it enabled me to understand why my predecessor seemed so well pleased at being relieved, although I have doubts as to whether he was as strict in enforcing the regulations as myself. Indeed, I have excellent reasons for believing that he was not at all strict.
