The Case is Altered/Act IV Scene IV
Enter Juniper in his shop, singing. To him Onion.
Oni. Fellow, Juniper, no more of thy
songs and sonnets; sweet Juniper, no more
of thy hymns and madrigals; thou sing'st, but I sigh.
Junip. What's the matter, Peter, ha?
what in an academy still! still in sable and
black costly array, ha?
Oni. Prithee rise, mount, mount, sweet
Juniper; for I go down the wind, and yet I
puff, for I am vext.
Junip. Ha, bully! vext! what, intoxicate!
is thy brain in a quintessence, an
idea, a metamorphosis, an apology, ha,
rogue? Come, this love feeds upon thee, I
see by thy cheeks, and drinks healths of
vermilion tears, I see by thine eyes.
Oni. I confess Cupid's carouse, he plays
super negulum with my liquor of life.
Junip. Tut, thou art a goose to be Cupid's
gull; go to; no more of this contemplations
and calculations; mourn not, for Rachel's thine own.
Oni. For that let the higher powers work;
but sweet Juniper, I am not sad for her, and
yet for her in a second person, or if not, yet
so in a third.
Junip. How! second person! away,
away. In the crotchets already! longitude
and latitude! what second? what person? ha?
Oni. Juniper, I'll bewray myself before
thee, for thy company is sweet unto me;
but I must intreat thy helping hand in the case.
Junip. Tut, no more of this surquedry;
I am thine own ad unguem, upsie freeze;
pell mell, come, what case? what case?
Oni. For the case, it may be any man's
case, as well as mine. Rachel I mean;
but I'll meddle with her anon; in the mean
time, Valentine is the man has wronged me.
Junip. How! my Ingle wrong thee! is't possible!
Oni. Your Ingle! hang him, infidel.
Well, and if I be not revenged on him, let
Peter Onion (by the infernal gods) be turned
to a leek, or a scalion. I spake to him for a
ditty for this handkerchief.
Junip. Why, has he not done it?
Oni. Done it! not a verse, by this hand.
Junip. O in diebus illis! O preposterous!
well, come, be blith; the best inditer of
them all is sometimes dull. Fellow Onion,
pardon mine Ingle; he is a man has imperfections
and declinations, as other men
have; his muse sometimes cannot curvet,
nor prognosticate and come off, as it should;
no matter, I'll hammer out a paraphrase for
Oni. No, sweet Juniper, no; danger doth
breed delay; love makes me choleric, I
can bear no longer.
Junip. Not bear what? my mad meridian
slave. Not bear what?
Oni. Cupid's burden, 'tis too heavy, too
tolerable; and as for the handkerchief and
the posie, I will not trouble thee; but if
thou wilt go with me into her father's backside,
old Jaques' back-side, and speak for me
to Rachel, I will not be ingratitude; the old
man is abroad and all.
Junip. Art thou sure on't?
Oni. As sure an obligation.
Junip. Let's away then; come, we spend
time in a vain circumference; trade, I
casheer thee till to-morrow: fellow Onion,
for thy sake I finish this workiday.
Oni. God a mercy, and for thy sake I'll
at any time make a holiday.