The Uranian and Uraniad in Relation to Marriage as a "Cure" for Similisexualism.
At least five important errors as to similisexual propensities are found to be so universal, are still so encouraged by unprogressive physicians and jurists, as by superficial observers of homosexualism, that they merit to be pointed out with pains—especially in the present chapter. Some we have already specialized. They are—that the Uranian must be physically abnormal; that he is always degenerate morally; that he is always a sodomist (in the technical sense of that term) especially as to wishing sexual satisfactions only with physical effeminates and young boys; that he is never married—at least not consenting in his heart to it; and that he is to be "cured" of his intersexual nature by systematic sexual intercourse with women. These are notions fixed in every-day popular ignorance of the topic, even among classes otherwise profoundly learned. That an Uranian in vain can try his best, for instance, to find sexual satisfactions and his "cure" by frequenting female prostitutes, by keeping a mistress, or by an apparently most happy marriage,—this is not in the popular creed.
We meet an error even graver, as to intercourse with women by Uranians, when we touch on the relations of the similisexual to matrimonial life, as legal husband and anon as father. By no means seldom Uranians—as do Uraniads—commit themselves to normal wedlock; and have all the responsibilities to fulfil that belong to the normal married state and to paternity. We are not speaking here of the legal marriages between Uranian and Uraniad types; though they occur, either by accident or design—and sometimes fortunately. We are considering here wedlock only between similisexuals and heterosexuals. This predicament is far from rare. Sometimes it is an almost unimportant detail of a life. Sometimes it is wholly unfavourable to the happiness and the well-being of those united; elementary to melancholy events. Physicians know most about this fact. Naturally, hardly no other class of professional confidences is more carefully kept.
Why Do Really
Really How does such an experiment—error—as to a marriage come about? First, the similisexual man or woman, the Intersexual, does not always clearly
know himself or herself or does not know himself or herself at all. He or she may have been perplexed and physically, troubled, more or less severely, with what has appeared a mysterious "contrary" sexuality. But the sufferer has regarded it as disease, has been advised by a physician so to regard it. Frequently a well-meaning physician prescribes matrimony (exactly as he would advise a system of calisthienes or a set of baths) as the certain antidote for a similisexual's unfortunate plight. Marriage often is urged by even fairly intelligent psychiatric specialists. The intellectual and physical attractiveness of some woman that the Uranian admires may appear to him a certain "cure". Thus comes for him the immediately individual appeal. Another contingent of married Uranians grows by the important fact that dionianism and uranianism are frequently united in one complex, human psychos. The Dionian-Uranian who still relishes his relations with women,—or has done so—though not free from passion as to males, may think that he has reached the end of his similisexual impulses. Yes—henceforth he will be only dionistic! The "risk" ahead seems slight; so he rushes upon it. Again, more openly
practical reasons urge the marriage; family-considerations, estates, pecuniary and social advantages, debts to be paid, heirs to be begotten, parental will, the wish for one's own household and home—and so on.
of Failure of Any
Sexual Peace for
Strongly dionistic Uranians or Uraniads, in whom the similisexual instinct is not inborn and vigorous through sufficiently maturing years, types whose fractional similisexuality is
due to superficial conditions—such similisexuals have reason to hope to find their peace in normal marriage. We have spoken of this possibility for some—a few—types of relatively superficial similisexualism. But such a grade is not over-easy to determine; and often the result is failure. It is perniciously untrue to experience (and to sexual logic) to offer to thousands of "[Iranians strong chances of a change in themselves by even the most kindly marriage. Frequently the philarrene has cheated himself, and sois involved in deeper trouble than any- he has yet known. "Woe to Him Who Lies" is the title of one Grillparzer's dramas. Woe to the thorough Uranian especially, if marriage has outraged his instincts!—however gracious its other offices. He may think to play his part long and faithfully; often he does so. But Nature exacts her rights in the end. She may take even blood-revenge. She is capable of transforming the happiest of domestic relations into—hell. She is capable of continuing the punishment into coining generations.
Newspapers, medical correspondence, psychiatric data, annals of criminal tragedy, bear out these statements. They pertain to the Uraniad as well as to the Uranian; but more especially and constantly to Uranians, owing to a lesser susceptibility to "curative" influences. Interrupted arrangements for marriages, engagements broken (sometimes at the last moment) vanishing bridegrooms, unhappy ménages
, divorces, suicides, are all part of the tale. The adult Uranian who has resolved upon matrimony, in nine cases in ten expiates the step. He does not find that his intellectual sympathy with his wife suffices to overcome the horror corporis feminae
, or warms his sexual indifference. His physical relations with her may be to her satisfaction; they are irksome or odious to him. Sometimes he can continue them only by conjuring up homosexual fancies of which she has no idea. He discovers that his experiments with women before wedlock have told him truths he was not willing to believe, or had rejected. He cannot sexually love
his wife. He desires to be a father and beloved children are born. His wife is all that a lovely and superiour woman-friend can be. But the other Fire still smoulders; often, it blazes forth tragically.
in Normal Marri-
age: its Sad
Two instances of such purport, showing the risks of marriage for inborn Uranians, are these, cited by Dr. R. von Krafft-Ebing. In neither case was there mental or physical degeneracy or singularity, or any depraved instincts:
"… Mr. Z— thirty years old; wholesale merchant, states that his parents and grandparents were healthy people. He developed in his youth normally, with only irrelevant childish illnesses. At 14, came onanism by instinct, (not tuition from another lad) at fifteen he began to feel sexual passion for males of his age. Absolutely unimpressed by the female sex in a sexual way, at 24 Mr. Z— made his first visit to a brothel: but he fled from it on account of his horror feminae nudae. After 25 years of age, he had occasional sexual intercourse with young men of similar age. (Passionate embracings, ejaculat., occasionally masturb. mut. ) On account of certain business-reasons, and in belief that he would be cured of his abnormal passion for males, Z— married a lady of 28, remarkably distinguished in person and intellect. Through calling up strong mental pictures of the good-looking young men he had met, Mr. Z— was potent with his wife, whom in a psychic way he loved with his whole heart. But this relation with a woman, contrary to his nature, made Z— very neurasthenic. After a child had been born, Z— returned to frigid sexual relations with his wife, the more because he has feared to procreate children who will be as unfortunate as himself. Every now and then, he is beset by homosexual feelings and thoughts, He has attempted to withstand them by masturbation. Lately his self-possession has had a hard proof, upon his falling love with a handsome young man. He has been victorious over the feeling; but only through the penalty of severe neurasthenia again. He has therefore turned to me, the more because lately he is sexually so excitable that he hardly can hide his homosexual inclinations, and by their disclosure might become not only ridiculous but damaged in social life,—in which he has a dignified position. Like others of his genus, Z— has taken refuge against his neurasthenic troubles in alcoholic drink, which as a fact relieves him in part; but still his sexuality increases. I have found him.an intellectual man and a fine-feeling one; outwardly thoroughly manly, of normal education, also deeply lamenting his condition, looking on his masturb. solit. with disgust, as it is contrary to his ethical nature. He is sexually appeased with a man by mutual kissings, embracings, and his happiest sexual remembrances are of this kind, beyond which he has not gone. He feels himself morally ruined … … He is also so deeply depressed that he would have committed suicide in his terrible battle, save for consideration for his wife and child. I advised his battling-on, at any price. In the case of his not becoming 'cured', and also of the unendurableness of his situation, I advised resignation to it, with the sexual intercourse, with a man, which has been described."
The following example, from the same high source, is of rather a different type, as denoting considerable femininism of the uranian type. It is equally admonitory in its way:
… " Mr. P— thirty-seven years of age, married, descends from a very nervous mother, who was constitutionally migrainée. He himself, as a lad, suffered with hysteria; ever since then he has felt himself sexually attracted by good-looking young men. (With adspic. genitalia much excitement.) Soon after puberty came—with other men—masturb. mut. Only such types as are between 25 and 30 years of age attract him. He feels himself rather in the feminine role psychically, in sexual acts with men, with that complete glow of soul that a woman who loves possesses; and so while P— is only masculine in his corporeal relations with males, he is like an actor in a part. As a youth he was mocked at by other lads for his femininism of gestures and ideas; but girls have never made any impression on him. It was in hoping to cure his vita sexualis that he married, some years ago, but without any other wish to do so. He forced himself into marital coitus with his wife, and ho was potent by fancying that the act was with a young man; and he begot a child. Yet at times imagination failed, and so also his potency. After two years, he has now returned to his homosexual intimacies, such as masturb. mut. with a young man (in a public place!). He excuses this last incident by the fact that through his long abstinence from homosexual relations he was wholly thrown off his guard by adspic. genitalia…… Mr. P—has a thoroughly virile exterior, a decorous personality; genitalia normal."
A common situation is shown in a letter to Ulrichs, from a married Uranian:
"… I am well married, and to a wife who loves me passionately, and I am the father of a charming two-year old girl. But what I feel for my wife is friendship. Circumstances other than love made our match. At the mere sight of a handsome young man, I instantly feel that passionate sexual excitement (which is the only really sexual one for me) so genuinely, that since my youngest years, I have always felt the most ardent wish that marriages between men were possible. I long in vain for the man whom I secretly love. Think of it! I have never loved, I can never love, a woman! I am forced to appease my impulse, the masculine ideal in my mind"… etc. etc.
Marriage as a
Useful Screen, on
Dread of disgrace is often the direct cause of an Uranian's marriage. The fact that he is honourably and normally united to a woman, is perhaps the father of children, and is a model husband outwardly, are sufficient details of social protection. Many a young Uranian has avoided thus the lightning-flash of social disgrace. It has been remarked that when a homosexual scandal occurs in a social.clique, a club or an army-circle, an epidemic of engagements and weddings can be looked-for. The precipitancy of such marriages is excused by all manner convenient fables. The fiancée
—or the bride—is generally the last individual to suspect just why
her hand has been asked. A clever man, a shrewd Uranian, a refined idealist readily convinces a sentimental woman of an admiration for her—hitherto a secret. A few years ago, in an American city, a similisexual scandal
hung over the head of a young society-man, of notable wealth, æsthetic, and of fine intellectual and moral character. He was the last person to be supposed to make a hasty marriage. His engagement and wedding came in a trice, quite disconcerting any further gossip as to his nature—though causing much ordinary comment at the time.
A similisexual man occasionally takes his betrothed, or his wife, into his confidence—from the first; appeals to her pity, even if she cannot "understand" his sexual nature. Sometimes she is thus his good angel, his dearest friend through a whole life together, in which their love is without any sexualism. But many wives of Uranians do not know, or guess, or endure well such a situation. Sometimes the confidence or conduct of the husband precipitates a melancholy rupture, if not one in violence.
Or as his only safe course, however difficult, however often it may have been dismissed as impossible, no matter what the pain or the comment, the betrothed Uranian breaks his engagement—retreats in time. A pretext is concocted, even a physician's aid is called in—for a statement of importance, of real disease, and so on. This, not to speak of intelligent objection by the bride. The writer was informed of a case in France, a couple of years ago, in a family of high social mark, where the young fiancé
convinced of the permanency of his vita sexualis
, and of the. misery consequent before him and his betrothed, advanced the hereditary insanity in one part of his family-line, as a barrier. It was effective. A London physician has furnished the writer with a more courageous instance. A young Uranian, affianced to a young lady of fine intellectual and moral qualities, decided that the best escape for unhappiness for them both was to take the fiancée
into his dark secret. To make its gravity clear, he had to explain to her the whole problem of similisexualism—a topic little known to women. The lady
was intelligently convinced, and they skilfully effected the breaking of their engagement—on a pretext from her
Historic cases of these 'escapes' are to he met. One of them involved the unlucky Ludwig II of Bavaria. We have noted such a situation as a tragedy, when speaking of the ruptured betrothal of Lenau, the distinguished poet.
Nevertheless, we continually find the homosexual entering on his engagement, after positive medical advice toward such a step.—as his "cure." But anon—perhaps at once—he finds his error. His disillusionment is pitiable. Such a well-meaning but evil counsellor is depicted in the interview with a medical specialist, included in a little psychiatric romance already cited in these pages—"Imre a Memorandum:
… "This doctor wrote of my kind as simply—diseased. "Curable", absolutely "curable"; so long as the mind was man-like in all else, and the body firm and normal. Certainly that was my case! Would! not therefore do well to take that one step which was stated to be most wise and helpful toward correcting as perturbed a relation to ordinary life as mine had become? That step was—to marry. To marry immediately."
"The physician who had written that book happened to be in England at the time. I had never thought it possible that I could feel courage to go to any man .. save to that one vague sympathizer, my dream-friend, he who some day would understand all!… and confess myself; lay bare my mysterious nature. But if it were a mere disease, oh, that made a difference! So I visited the distinguished specialist at once. He helped me urbanely through my embarrassing story of my 'malady' … "Oh, there was nothing extraordinary, not at all extraordinary in it, from the beginning to the end," the doctor assured me, smiling—in fact, it was "exceedingly common … All confidential specialists in nervous diseases know of hundreds of just such cases; nay, of much worse ones; and treat and cure them … A morbid state of certain sexual-sensory nerve-centers" … and so on, in his glibly professional diagnosis."
"So I am to understand that I am curable?"
"Curable? Why, surely! Exactly as I have written in my work; or as Doctor So-and-So, and the great psychiatric Professor Such-a-One, proved long ago. Your case, my dear sir, is the easier because you suffer in a sentimental and sexual way from what we call the obsession of a set, distinct Type, you see; instead of a general—h'm—how shall I style it?—morbidity of your sex-inclinations. It is largely mere imagination I You say you have never really 'realized' this haunting masculine Type which has given you such trouble? My dear sir, don't think any more about such nonsense! You never will 'realize' it in any way to be—h'm—disturbed. Probably had you married and settled down pleasantly, years ago, you would laugh heartily now at the whole story of such an illusion of your nature. Too much thought of it all, my dear friend! Too much introspection, idealism, sedentary life, dear sir! Yes, yes—you must marry—God bless you!"
"I paid my distinguished specialist his fee and came away, with a far lighter heart than I had had in many a year."
The Tragic Retreat:
But for Uranians betrothed, as for heterosexuals, withdrawals are not always easy or uneventful. So comes the tragic sort of history—with the abrupt runaway, the "missing" bridegroom—not
to be; the suicide, the maniac, the murderer. Here is a short series of instances:
[Stuhlweissenburg, Sept 23, 1900.] "The wedding of two young people of our city, both much respected, the tailor's assistant F— with a young woman named Theresia T— was in progress, as far as the start of. the bridal-procession of relatives and friends from the house of the bride's parents, when the bridegroom suddenly drew a revolver and shot himself through the heart. A dreadful scene of panic naturally followed. The motive of the suicide is wholly inexplicable, so far as any other previous romance, or pecuniary troubles, ill-health or what else, could be inferred. The young people were affectionate friends, though the dead bridegroom is spoken of as not being enthusiastic to marry—at all."
[Vienna.] "We mentioned yesterday the startling suicide of the teacher in the Burggasse public-school, Herr Leopold S—. The unfortunate young man committed the act only a few hours before he Was expected to meet his bride—at the altar. S— had been betrothed since July of last year. He was 38 years old, the son of a surgeon. His fiancee was a most estimable and attractive young lady of this city, also for awhile a teacher, and the daughter of a well-known architect and builder. The pair were much attached to one another, as would be supposed, but certain matters as to S— … (confidential to some of his most intimate friends only) have been ominous from the first. Until the engagement with the young lady, Herr S— had led the most reserved of lives, occupied only with his profession and his mother, between whom and this only son a specially close attachment existed—the admiration of their friends. In November, the mother and son took a pleasanter and larger dwelling, in K—gasse, which also was to be the home of the pair. The betrothal met with general congratulation by the friends. The wedding was set for yesterday, at half-past twelve, in the Karlskirche, and the dinner was to follow, in a hotel. S— is spoken of as having passed the preceding evening in the best of spirits, at the home of his betrothed, which he left at ten o'clock. At eight in the morning, he was found on the floor of his room with a pistol-shot in his right temple. He recovered consciousness for an instant or so, but could not speak—and died in a state of coma. The fatal shot was not heard in the house. Mrs. S— the mother was leisurely dressing for the happy event of the morning, when the news of the tragedy was broken to her. As soon as she had recovered consciousness, (but hardly within an hour) and could control her grief, she sent word to the family of the bride, who immediately countermanded the day's ceremony as best they could. The Karlskirche was decorated tastefully with flowers, and majority of the guests were already assembling there, or preparing to drive to the wedding. The news was of melancholy effect, the more as the deliberateness of Herr S—'s action was mentioned. Many guests were at different hotels in the city, and did not hear of the death till they reached the church or hotel. Among the deeply-moved friends of the teacher was one favourite pupil, a lad of sixteen, who presently came to the deceased young man's house, weeping bitterly to "lose so kind, so good a teacher" …… It is said that S—, day before yesterday, sent a registered letter to a person in particularly close relations with him, announcing his intention. The motive of the suicide arises in certain tragic circumstances of a familiar nature. The bereaved mother is without consolation. Recently she has had grave mental anxieties, and she had hoped that henceforth her days would pass in peace. The outlook for her is sad indeed."
[Hercules Baths, Hungary]:—"Yesterday Major M. C—of the S—Garrison, who has been a guest here at a well-known
hotel-pension during some weeks, committed suicide by shooting himself in his lodgings. Major C— was still a young man, of excellent family, engaged to be married, in comfortable circumstances and popular with all his associates. No money-troubles existed, and in his affaires-de cœur
are the names of none of the category of acquaintances such as frequently can make unhappiness for young men. He had come to the Hercules Baths merely for a "nerve-rest," prior to marriage with a young lady of S—. This marriage he had twice postponed. Ht is also mentioned that Major C— was long suffering from a special nervous disorder, the care of which is peculiar to psychiaters."
Or one meets other instances of suicide on the eve of marriage, such as are the subjoined. The first is from an English daily newspaper of July 19, 1908:
"Early yesterday morning a tragedy took place in a house in Lincoln-street, Brighton; a farrier-sergeant, Alfred Cecil H—, of the 2nd Dragoon Guards, shooting himself with a Service revolver a few hours before he was to have been married to Miss Alice W—, who lives next door to H—'s mother, in Lincoln-street. The wedding was to take place at ten yesterday morning at Annunciation Chiurch. Every preparation had been made for the ceremony. H—, who was stationed at Hounslow Barracks, arrived at Brighton on Friday night in readiness for the happy event; he seemed in good health and spirits, and parted with his fiancee on the best of terms. He was up soon after five yesterday morning, and went next door, where he saw Miss W-, and also her brother. He chatted in his usual cheery fashion, but said he could "do with a rest." He told Miss W— he was going out to buy same flowers for her at the market. Instead of leaving the house, he entered the front room, on the ground floor. Almost directly afterwards the inmates of the house were startled by a loud report. Miss W—, with the members of the family, ran into the room and saw H— lying on the sofa with a wound in his head. His right hand was grasping his service:revolver, in which there was. a spent cartridge. Death had evidently been instataneous. Nothing was found on the deceased in any way throwing light on the tragedy, which so far is a mystery to his friends and relations."
"The suicide of Mr. T— Y— on Tuesday, at the hotel where he has been passing the week, was mentioned in this paper yesterday. It is not explained. Two or three friends of the deceased state that Mr. Y— has been out of sorts lately, and has several times confidentially intimated that he feared that his approaching marriage, which was to take place on Thursday next, in B—, was "a great mistake;" but expressly declaring that the young lady was "an ideal woman," and.that "any man who had been so lucky as to win her ought to thank God on his knees." Other remarks show the warmth of his affection for his fiancée. That there was no other "woman in the case," and no question of health or money appears conclusive. The mystery of the tragedy is deepened by the fact that Mr. Y— said to a friend some two months ago that "he knew that his marriage would be his greatest trouble"—that "there was a curse on it". He never explained this extraordinary remark."
Once bound formally, indissolubly, to the side of a woman? committed to the impossible in his marital role, the aversion of a homosexual man can become loathing till the end is a crime. Possibly there is faithlessness on his part; not with women, but with fellow-uranians. A kind of cruel pity for the wife can have a share in his fury. At any rate, he has reached the point where he will get rid of his torment; but not by suicide. Sexual hatred of his wife deepens. He does not care for gallows or guillotines? Felony and death—rather than the daily contacts that so irritate him—that drive him wild! Better his children should not live than grow up sexual unfortunates like himself! Such revolts from wedlock are labeled "insanity without cause"—"sudden mania"—"groundless jealousy;" or else unjust suspicion is cast on the wife.
One "historic" wife-murder (in the highest circles of the aristocracy of the French Second Empire) was infused with homosexualism—though the secret was well-kept. Another more recent socialtragedy, of somewhat similar kind (in England) was entirely such. In a South American city, about a year ago, a merchant killed his wife "to ged rid of her," and to resume his former sexual life with a male partner.
Earlier homosexual relations between tру ргыband and another Uranian, adult or very youthful, can bring about violent climaxes. The lover, kept at a distance by his friend's marriage, is often capable of taking his own life, or of killing his married friend, or of destroying the woman who has separated them. Sometimes an Uranian contrives to keep his homosexual partner under the same roof with him after the marriage; more or less in their old relation. Or a new and irresistible uranian intrigue can demoralize the nuptial life. There have however been odd uranian examples of Goethe's "Elective Affinities"—in a way; the two husbands consoling each other, the two wives consoling each other, by a peaceable convention; all parties thankful that 'tis no worse. But such coincidental and four-square philosophy is not exactly common.
In the "Jahrbuch für Sexuelle Zwischenstufen" is сited a case of a wife who attempted to kill her husband, on discovering his intimacy with a young man. Failing to punish him, she took her own life. How violently can be avenged by wives the 'insult ' to their. sex and to heterosexual love, when husbands are false on uranian lines of infidelity, the following examples indicate. The first is from a Berlin newspaper of May, 1908. The second is of some years ago, from an Austrian journal:—
"In Lindenfels (Odenwald) have just been arrested Herr Ernst H— of Berlin and his overseer and friend Herr H. M—, at the former's villa, on account of offenses against "Paragraph 175" of the Code. The circumstances of the case are curious. Herr H—, who has been married many years, recently built a villa in the place, in order that he could lodge comfortably his friend M—, to continue undisturbed their—special relations. Unluckily the matter became known to the wife of Herr H—, who during many years of peaceful married life has never had any cloud over her happiness with her husband.till he met Herr M—. She discovered some compromising letters that her husband had written to his friend, from Italy and Egypt. Mrs. H— turned over this delicate correspondence to the police, and her husband and Herr M—are now in custody on the grave charge indicated.
"Yesterday in Heuberg-bei-Dornbach, were discovered in a thicket, in the woods, the bodies of two young men, who beyond any doubt had committed suicide together, not a great many hours earlier. One suicide was identified as Adolf Slawiczek, of this city (Margarethen Bezirk) thirty-five years old, unmarried, and employed in a furniture-factory; and his companion was presently known as Karl Koller, twenty-eight years old, married and the father of several children, but divorced—a locksmith, in Brigittenau. Apparently the tragedy had been arranged thus: Koller had shot Slawiczek through the heart, and had then put the weapon to his own breast. Some circumstances coming to knowledge dismissed all question of there having been any quarrel between the two friends, whose close intimacy has been often spoken of by their acquaintance. They were sober and industrious, and Koller leaves a small estate … The motive of the act appears to be the fact that the divorced wife of Koller has recently threatened him with a criminal charge of a particular sort, involving his friend Slawiczek, whom she greatly disliked, and who in some degree was concerned in the divorce mentioned. Probably fear of this proceeding decided the two friends on their melancholy step."
Society often smiles at the reluctance, and even resentment, with which a young bachelor surrenders to marriage some special friend; his Jonathan—his David. Much deeper can be his regret than their circle guesses. Often a lively girl, either in a touch of real sympathy or of merry irony, says to the "bereaved" friend "—Yes, yes, of course we all know that X—'s engagement, his marriage must be hard for you
. You will be a regular widower after it!" Damon smiles, and caps the jest. But there is no jest when he and his Pythias are alone. This situation occurs, as the reader can suppose, chiefly when Pythias has been a Dionian-Uranian from the outset; or has become more and more dionistic, until a decisive sexual passion for some woman has conquered his heart. Here comes also the special chance of future disappointment to an Uranian who loves some dionistic youth
in his teens; the man experiencing only an intenser sexual passion as the boy becomes a young man. Often grown wholly dionian, never being thoroughly an "inborn" type, the youth becomes cold toward anything but real
friendship with his senior friend, and is more and more averse to their sexualities, Soon some one woman takes possession of his fancy. The mysterious uranian relationship falls to sudden ruin. A homosexual of refined and constant type, whose ideal is once thus met and possessed and broken, can have all the rest of his life shattered. Sometimes, at least, the Uranian has enough force of character, unselfishness of love and philosophy; and therewith he accepts his fate. He will not oppose the happiness of the being he so profoundly loves.
But the lover-friend to be deserted does not always accept the situation; nor assent to an engagement and a marriage without something more than anguish and- pleading. In an English city,, „several ago, an engagement of some social prominence was broken off, on account of a cause peculiarly unpleasing—the reluctant conviction of the fiancé
that the young lady had misconducted herself; had been in particular intimacy with another man—deceased. But the truth came to light, out of all doubt, that the most intimate friend of the engaged man had been the calumniator and even a forger in the affair, because of homosexual jealousy; in his determination to "bring back" the deserter from their intimacy. A more tragic case of such interference, through similar jealousy, occurred in Birnbaum, in Posen, in 1903. Herr Karl T—, the presiding judge of one of the city's tribunals, a man in the early thirties, a social favourite, much respected, prosperous and well, committed suicide; apparently without reason for it. He had recently become engaged to a young lady of one of the best town-families, who loved him with all her heart, and had not any cause to doubt Herr T—'s sentiment for her. The
mystery of his death was explained some months later. When a student, T— had maintained homosexual relations with a friend, also at the University. The two young men had an intense sentiment for each other in—every way. They had solemnly promised that they would never interrupt it, and that they would neither of them ever marry. T— however, being the dionistic type of the pair, for practicalities decided to marry; with expectations of happiness. The deserted friend wrote to T—, reminding him of their oath; and at the same time wrote certain facts to the family of the young lady. The match was promptly broken off. T— was involved in open scandal. He killed himself. In the eighth chapter of this book we have met a somewhat similar example, though even more tragical, in Austrian social life.
of an Uranian
In Otto de Joux's "Enterbten des Liebesglücks", the authour describes romantically the pitiable situation of an Uranian who after a long intimacy with a young Dionian-Uranian loses the latter, as the younger man reverts to his true and normal vita sexualis
, and is to be married:
"Renunciation and calumniation of ourselves is our lot … We offer our sufferings to God as a sacrifice. Our victory over the material life is greater, more exalted than that won by any other mortal. But nobody respects it, nobody knows of it … When I was twenty-nine, the first threatening shadow came over my life. Unfortunate creature that I was, I loved a young man, with every vein of life in me. And, after a long struggle, he—gave himself to me. I devoted myself to him like a brother, made every path in life for him smooth; it was the happinees
of my life to be his special Providence, day by day. He, on his part, permitted—accepted—my caresses with a gentle but complete self-surrender … Only now and then came a quiet scorn across his lips. But I was not troubled by his coldness … Four years this state of affairs endured Then he fell in love with a young girl! Therewith he wished nothing more of my "eccentric emotion's" as he called them; they became an abomination to him. The girl returned the love of Bruno, too, and so he looked forward to a happiness beyond measure. In
an evil hour we parted … Everything was at an end between us save friendship. All the joy that I had pictured as mine only, was now given to his betrothed; those eyes that were the light of my life, those kisses that had been mine—! Such thoughts whirled, about in my mind till I used to cry aloud in my despair. I had my Christian faith, I turned to God—but another image, my unfaithful beloved, came between God and me!..…
I asked for one final interview. He could not refuse it. He came. We faced each other, both trembling with excitement, hardly daring to look into each other's eyes.
"What do you demand of me?" he asked. "I am certainly in duty bound to be grateful to you, and because of your great kindness to me, I wish to forget now many things that have passed between us. But do not demand too much,—what goes beyond human power! Speak!"
I caught his hand, stretched out against me. "Listen to me," I said, "you have always been my ideal of honour, my pride. That 'weakness' as you call it, which made you willing to belong to me, my own immeasureable love for you, perhaps these things have now you feel made dishonoured, lowered you in your own eyes. You perhaps think now that I have had only a lower sort of longing in seeking your love. That would be the most fearful of errors! You think that you are far higher than I, because I am your slave, your creature. But, Bruno, has not the nobler part of my love any influence on you? Oh, yes, it is a punishable passion … You could be guilty of a great crime; I should love you, all the same, like a god: you could draw to yourself the hate contempt and of all the world, but I should defend you against it all … You see how unspeakably I love you! I have no other thought, no breath of life, except—you! Bruno, this marriage of yours is impossible. It will kill me. Take pity on me" …… Sobs choked my voice.
He was moved. In deep anxiety, I looked into his eyes,- like a criminal awaiting a sentence. Then he bent over me, and took my face between his hands, and kissed me. "You are a big, big child" he answered gently. "I shall always, always feel kindly toward you! But oh, do, do
, get rid of this morbid mania for me. Believe me, it must
be pathologic—curable. Recover your self-control. I have pledged my word as to my marriage. You know that I am an out-and-out man
—I have never been able to understand your—adoration for me. Think over the whole matter. You have such a warm heart, you too must find some girl or other who will be exactly the one for you. And you must come to know my betrothed, also. She is a pure, gentle creature, she loves me so
chastely—peacefully—not so stormily as you. See here now—if you had only been born a woman, why, I would have married you! I have told you that often; and then
you only would be the mother of my children. So—why not be now at least their uncle? You are so kind—so good to me!… Will you not still be so?" He spoke all this in so gentle a voice, the expression in his saddened face was so beseeching and so honest, that I was utterly overcome. I covered his-hand with kisses. I said that he was free. I renounced him for ever. His children will be my heirs."
Whether pictured by merely romance or in sad fact, such episodes warn Uranians who allow their hearts to be bound-up in the affection for a much younger man; for that growing, hesitating nature which presently may swing wholly away from an immature sexual anchorage. The noble-minded type of Uranian knows that the young deserter has every right on his side. So admitting, he may accept the blow in silence; but also in an anguish never to pass away.
Here are typical examples of dramas—one in America, the other in Germany—because of passionate sensibility to the barrier and separation that must occur through marriage:
"No further explanation is given out of the suicide of Mr. C— R— which was mentioned here yesterday as a shock to a very wide circle of business and personal friends, on Sunday morning. The affairs of the deceased are all in good order, and there is lacking as yet a clue to sentimental motives …… The body was cremated yesterday at the F— P— Crematory, in accordance with the often-expressed wish of the dead young man, repeated in the note found beside his body. It is a sad coincidence that at the wedding of his most intimate friend, Mr. W— F— of this city, last month, at which he was best-man, Mr. R— remarked in joke to several friends that "he never could survive W—'s marriage" … The latter cannot mention any reason for the fatal shot, unless that lately Mr. S— has been very nervous at times. He states that the letter that the deceased wrote to him contains nothing worth communicating. He says there is no ground for reports that an affair with a person of the opposite sex was the motive. This he says he knows, and he wishes some reports to the contrary positively contradicted."
"On Sunday last occurred here (Perlerberg, Germany) the funeral of Reserve-Lieutenant C— T— thirty, two years old who suddenly committed suicide some days ago. He was apparently in the prime of health and activity. The reasons for the action are curious and romantic. For a long time, Lieutenant T— has maintained an intimate friendship with another officer of his regiment, and it seems that the two had solemnly promised each other "never to marry." For all that, Lieutenant T— has lately betrothed himself, and the date of his wedding was set. Certain bitter "scenes" are said to have taken place precisely in consequence, and finally the fiancée of the dead officer received a letter from the friend of her betrothed, giving certain confidential facts not to her pleasure, speaking of the compact against the engagement, and putting Lieutenant T— into some embarrassment. The result has been Lieutenant T—'s suicide; and now the friend declares that he will shortly follow him to the grave."
We Lave printed out earlier a grave responsibility as to offspring from Uranians. Marriages by male-loving fathers are likely to be blessed, or cursed, with children that inherit homosexualism, however dionistic the influences of the mother. In his procreation the Uranian is a potent type. He "calls upon his uranian imagination, too, in sexual actions with even a perceptibly welcome wife. Not any trait of the human psychos seems more concretely transmitted than similisexualism. The boy is born, perfectly male in his physique but with the vita sexualis
of the Uranian. If it be really "inborn" he never loses its thrill till death. This strong possibility ever must be an obstacle to trying a matrimonial "cure," on the part of a conscientious and thoughtful homosexual man, as also with any conscientious and thoughtful similisexual woman. Indeed, although a Catholic ecclesiastic can suffer life-long torture of body or soul (particularly if unaware of the scientific basis of his uranianism) the homosexual priest should be thankful that his vow of celibacy is so much more surely kept, than that one. of chastity. He is alone with his God, with his sex-nature and his life; spared the danger that other confessions allow by
permitting wedlock to their clergy. He is out of the track of a "cure" that is no cure, and of paternal complications of his sexual instinct.
and Her Marriage
as a "Cure:"
How Far Is It
In accepting marriage 'curatively' or otherwise, a large proportion of the feminine Intersex are in situations closely like those of Uranians. The Uraniad faces a physical and psychic predicament that often is profoundly pathetic. She cannot avoid it as easily as can the Uranian. Often she must begin it with interrupting her feminosexual relationships; which rupture by itself makes life a tragedy for her—that frequently brings it to a dark climax. Feminosexual friendships are shattered, or must be changed radically in quality, as the man appears on the scene. The normal nature of the Uraniad awakes, and brings separation. The wife must learn submission to the hated masculine embraces. She fears for her son for her daughter. The inner life of many women being in every way strongly emotional, the tale is worse. Neuropathic experiences can claim a vast part in her married existence. Woman is shut out from much that distracts and helps a masculine similisexual. Not only are fewer her chances of escaping anything she dreads; her opportunities of continuing uraniadistic intimacies are less favourable. One can say that the real Uraniad often is even more the victim
of marriage than the masculine intersex. Many uraniads have not the temperaments to bear up, to philosophize, to endure the nuptial tie, to be consoled—transformed.
Dangers for Her.
Differentiating the situation of the Uranias as to marriage, are also the following Dangers for Her. aspects. Women (still using the word in its widest sense—including feminosexuals) have not such chances of "finding out" before they marry, or otherwise enter into sexual intimacies with men, how antipathetic may be
a man's physical embrace. That is' to say, chaste women have not. The virtuous Uraniad is not always well acquainted with herself; her real sexualism may be quite unknown. Uranians have more opportunity to discern their homosexualism. On the other hand, emotional stress for an Uraniad who marries, or who is separated from a beloved feminine partner when the latter marries, is less often concretely tragic. Her sex-nature is likely to be shallower. Women lack the courage for suicide oftener 'than men: they are more subject to religious scruples, they are not willing to quit their children, and they dread scandal more—even if it is to be post mortem
. Again, when married to a Dionysian, the influences of male coitus are often strong on the Uraniad. She becomes indeed "cured;" she grows truly feminine in her vita sexualis
—as we have already pointed out in this book. "To marry, and to become a mother" is a common advice of confidential medical advisers of similisexual women, older or younger. Incontestably it is often valuable, far more so than any similar counsel given to the philarrene.
But not always. An example communicated in "Psychopathia Sexualis," by Dr. von Krafft-Ebing, is this:
"Mrs. R— thirty-five years old, of upper station in life, was brought to me for a consultation at her husband's request. Mrs. R— was of a nervous but normal family-stock. Her childhood was not of special illness, except headaches. She received a careful moral education, and showed special talent for music and languages. She became a governess and a teacher. She has always felt sexual sympathy for her own sex, and her interest in men has been at the most simply intellectual. She has never liked female work, and when a girl, preferred to play about with boys. At 27, she was much depressed and ill, having dark ideas, insomnia during five months. At 28 she entered into a sexual intimacy with a lady four years her junior, and felt a love that was adoration. The intercourse lasted five years, till the marriage (an unhappy one) of this friend occurred. After long deliberation, she now decided to marry her present husband, admiring his character, and because of his wealth and of his love for her. The result has been unfortunate. She grew deeply depressed, morally, by coitus. She had never supposed marriage to "mean" this phase. Weariness of life, etc., ensued. The husband could not comprehend her riddlesome demeanour, and really loving his wife, did his best to calm her. Physicians gave their opinions that with pregnancy Mrs. R— would be relieved of her impressions. She was friendly toward her husband, suffered his caresses, but in sexual relations with him was from her side cold, passive, and exhausted and dispirited after coition, with spinal irritation and nervousness. Then a journey united Mrs. R— to her former female friend. Intense and joyful excitement followed. The husband hurried a separation, finding the friendship "peculiar." He discovered that the correspondence between the two was exactly like that between a pair of lovers. Meantime his wife became pregnant. Her child was an abortion. Her nervous state at the time of my consultation with her was morbid, and there had occurred anatomical disorders that were discovered on exploration. Mrs. R— declare that she had married without understanding the sexualism of matrimony; that she respected and loved her husband intellectually very much, and would do anything in the world for him, if he would only spare her sexually. She had hoped for a more sexual feeling for him, in time. After the mis-birth mentioned, her status has improved. But still her future seemed "terrible,' to her. Her highest happiness was still her correspondence with her female friend."
The following case, from the same high authority, indicates a type of considerable 'normalism' mingled with feminosexualism:
… "Mrs. M— forty-four years old, is a lady of superior social position, and accomplishments, as well as of fine moral nature. She consulted me in hope of benefit. She was descended from a highly-gifted family, especially in musical, literary and artistic talents. She was morbid as a child, a good scholar, and she defines herself as at this early time an Urnind. Early in her sexual development she passionately admired only young girls and beautiful women, falling into psychic love for such, and with enthusiastic friendships for them. But so naively and slowly did her actual knowledge of sex come, especially as she was convent-educated, that till she was 19, Mrs. M— had absolutely no real understanding of the sexual distinction between man and woman. Especially in consequence of this ignorance, she fell a victim to a man who passionately loved her. She married him, to live with him in "eccentric" marital relations, and bore him a child. Here her more normal self obtained, more or less. After a few years, she became a widow. Therewith she returned to her inclinations toward women, at first because she was afraid of pregnancy, etc. By this time (at 27) she nevertheless married again, but without any desire sexually toward a man, her husband being an invalid. She completely broke down nervously, in aversion to him sexually, and in effort to meet her sexual duties with him; constantly longing for appeasement, etc. She had four children. After three years, this second husband died. Her own nine-year old daughter now began to show signs of sexual insubordination, and it greatly distressed her mother. A terrible period for Mrs. M— ensued; what with her anxieties, violent sexual desires that almost distracted her, etc. At forty-four, she is now drawn to women, now to men. She is somewhat less excitable, probably by advancing maturity, but is unhappy, weary of life, etc. She has been suffering much dionistically toward a certain young man of the vicinity, whose intimacy was not practicable; yet at the same time she feels herself drawn to different younger women, and "with a nobler and higher enjoyment. Mrs. M— was wholly of feminine physique, though her extremities were not small."
Some years ago, the marriage of a young English lady was followed by the suicide of her intimate friend. Both were not long past their college-days at an University. The diary of the young lady who took her own life was typical of the height to which feminosexual sufferings can mount, in such circumstances. The unfortunate Uraniad had maintained sexual relations with her friend since their earlier girlhood. She had offered no objection to the marriage, beyond a painful "scene," after her friend first had informed her that a sentimental affair was in progress between herself and a man, "likely to end in marriage"; and that she felt quite willing to marry. No doubt she did, under an advanced dionism. The deceased was cruelly surprised, but did not discuss the matter, except on this, one occasion. She began to be less intimate with Miss X— after the engagement, and finally travelled abroad. She left the young husband a note, telling him that he had. been the cause of her death; but forgiving him, and wishing the pair happiness. In all details she showed deliberate self-sacrifice—followed by as deliberate self-murder. Portions of her
diary were read at the inquest, and appeared in some English journals.
As a general conclusion of the relations of the similisexual instincts and normal matrimony, it is plain that favourable chances of the experiment are not to be lightly dismissed if the physician or the patient traces a considerable measure of fluctuant dionism in the individual nature; if the intersexualism is not distinctly inborn and increasing; and if.there be strongly awakened (by individual and personal attraction) the heterosexual passion, Otherwise there is danger of worse personal misery; and of its inextricably involving other lives. Obvious is the danger to prescribe
a marriage in the case of distinctly intersexual men and women. To too many medical men, similisexualism seems "wholly a pathologic affair," a disease, a "morbid" abnormalism. They do not accept, or admit, similisexualism as the eternal manifestation of any distinct—or indistinct—Intersexes. Yet this theory alone is in full logical accord with every-day facts before intelligent minds; explains all, justifies all that puzzles in the topic. We have ever with us the physicians inclined to treat as a nervous disease
the homosexual instinct; to urge 'curative' processes, by prayers, resolutions, medicines, hypnotism, brothels, mistresses. Uranian fire too often will not be so extinguished. It will keep on smouldering; or will—break out. For the inborn Uranian, better than any "apostolic counsel" is Hamlet's—"Nay, we'll have no more marriages! Those that are married already shall stay so. The rest shall keep as they are!"
Only one tie could ever satisfy the philarrene of inborn, passionate, mature and enduring similisexualism; the union of body and soul with those other human beings, whose sexes they approach, and resemble but are not
; who bring a psychic, magnetic,
sexual completeness, to receive the only real self-surrender possible for similisexuals. That
bizarre, sterile union is to-day, as a legal tolerance, only a fantastic dream of such enthusiasts as Ulrichs. It is likely so to remain, even were modern conceptions of social and sexual ethics more amenable. It abides a fantasy, not easily to be made more harmonious—even as a theory. The world revolts from such a suggestion. But if there can be no social or legal acceptance of intersexual marriage, the currents of constant and elevated uranian loves find their way the world around, century by century, in obedience to high impulses of intersexuals and of their unchartered rights. Students of them, who have religious convictions on lines of Christian theologies, can even believe that such emotions and their mystic unities refer themselves to ties more enduring, more purely spiritual than those of our earth; their essence defined by Christ when he dismissed the idea of normal marriages for disembodied spirits, in the phrase "—neither marrying nor giving in marriage but all
are as the angels of God in heaven."