The Works of Ben Jonson/Volume 6/A Tale of a Tub/Act III/Scene II
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SCENE II.
The Same.
Before Turfe's House.
Enter lady Tub, Pol Martin, and Wispe.
Pol. Madam, to Kentish Town we are got at length;
But by the way we cannot meet the 'squire,
Nor by inquiry can we hear of him.
Here is Turfe's house, the father of the maid.
But by the way we cannot meet the 'squire,
Nor by inquiry can we hear of him.
Here is Turfe's house, the father of the maid.
Lady T. Pol Martin, see! the streets are strew'd with herbs;
And here hath been a wedding, Wispe, it seems.
Pray heaven this bride-ale be not for my son!
Good Martin, knock, knock quickly: ask for Turfe.
My thoughts misgive me, I am in such a doubt—
And here hath been a wedding, Wispe, it seems.
Pray heaven this bride-ale be not for my son!
Good Martin, knock, knock quickly: ask for Turfe.
My thoughts misgive me, I am in such a doubt—
Pol. [knocking.] Who keeps the house here?
Pup. [within.] Why the door and walls
Do keep the house.
Do keep the house.
Pol. I ask then, who's within?
Pup. [within.] Not you that are without.
Pol. Look forth, and speak
Into the street here. Come before my lady.
Into the street here. Come before my lady.
Pup. [within.] Before my lady! Lord have mercy upon me:
If I do come before her, she will see
The handsomest man in all the town, pardee!
Enter Puppy from the house.
Now stand I vore her, what zaith velvet she?
If I do come before her, she will see
The handsomest man in all the town, pardee!
Enter Puppy from the house.
Now stand I vore her, what zaith velvet she?
Lady T. Sirrah, whose man are you?
Pup. Madam, my master's.
Lady T. And who's thy master?
Pup. What you tread on, madam.
Lady T. I tread on an old Turfe.
Pup. That Turfe's my master.
Lady T. A merry fellow! what's thy name?
Pup. Ball Puppy
They call me at home; abroad, Hannibal Puppy.
They call me at home; abroad, Hannibal Puppy.
Lady T. Come hither, I must kiss thee, valentine Puppy.
Wispe, have you got a valentine?
Wispe, have you got a valentine?
Wispe. None, madam:
He's the first stranger that I saw.
He's the first stranger that I saw.
Lady T. To me
He is so, and as such, let's share him equally.
[They struggle to kiss him.
He is so, and as such, let's share him equally.
[They struggle to kiss him.
Pup. Help, help, good dame! A rescue, and in time.
Instead of bills, with colstaves come; instead of spears, with spits;
Your slices serve for slicing swords, to save me and my wits:
A lady and her woman here, their huisher eke by side,
(But he stands mute,) have plotted how your Puppy to divide.
Instead of bills, with colstaves come; instead of spears, with spits;
Your slices serve for slicing swords, to save me and my wits:
A lady and her woman here, their huisher eke by side,
(But he stands mute,) have plotted how your Puppy to divide.
Enter dame Turfe, Joan, Joyce, Madge, &c.
Dame T. How now, what noise is this with you, Ball Puppy?
Pup. Oh dame, and fellows of the kitchen! arm,
Arm, for my safety; if you love your Ball:
Here is a strange thing call'd a lady, a mad-dame,
And a device of hers,[1] yclept her woman,
Have plotted on me in the king's highway,
To steal me from myself, and cut me in halfs,
To make one valentine to serve them both;
This for my right-side, that my left-hand love.
Arm, for my safety; if you love your Ball:
Here is a strange thing call'd a lady, a mad-dame,
And a device of hers,[1] yclept her woman,
Have plotted on me in the king's highway,
To steal me from myself, and cut me in halfs,
To make one valentine to serve them both;
This for my right-side, that my left-hand love.
Dame T. So saucy, Puppy! to use no more reverence
Unto my lady and her velvet gown?
Unto my lady and her velvet gown?
Lady T. Turfe's wife, rebuke him not; your man doth please me
With his conceit: hold, there are ten old nobles,
To make thee merrier yet, half-valentine.
With his conceit: hold, there are ten old nobles,
To make thee merrier yet, half-valentine.
Pup. I thank you, right side; could my left as much,
'Twould make me a man of mark,[2] young Hannibal!
'Twould make me a man of mark,[2] young Hannibal!
Lady T. Dido shall make that good, or I will for her.
Here, Dido Wispe, there's for your Hannibal;
He is your countryman as well as valentine.
Here, Dido Wispe, there's for your Hannibal;
He is your countryman as well as valentine.
Wispe. Here, master Hannibal, my lady's bounty
For her poor woman, Wispe.
For her poor woman, Wispe.
Pup. Brave Carthage queen!
And such was Dido: I will ever be
Champion to her, who Juno is to thee.
And such was Dido: I will ever be
Champion to her, who Juno is to thee.
Dame T. Your ladyship is very welcome here.
Please you, good madam, to go near the house.
Please you, good madam, to go near the house.
Lady T. Turfe's wife, I come thus far to seek thy husband,
Having some business to impart unto him;
Is he at home?
Having some business to impart unto him;
Is he at home?
Dame T. O no, an it shall please you:
He is posted hence to Pancridge, with a witness.
Young justice Bramble has kept level coyl[3]
Here in our quarters, stole away our daughter,
And master Turfe's run after, as he can,
To stop the marriage, if it will be stopp'd.
He is posted hence to Pancridge, with a witness.
Young justice Bramble has kept level coyl[3]
Here in our quarters, stole away our daughter,
And master Turfe's run after, as he can,
To stop the marriage, if it will be stopp'd.
Pol. Madam, these tidings are not much amiss:
For if the justice have the maid in keep,
You need not fear the marriage of your son.
For if the justice have the maid in keep,
You need not fear the marriage of your son.
Lady T. That somewhat easeth my suspicious breast.
Tell me, Turfe's wife, when was my son with Awdrey?
How long is it since you saw him at your house?
Tell me, Turfe's wife, when was my son with Awdrey?
How long is it since you saw him at your house?
Pup. Dame, let me take this rump out of your mouth.
Dame T. What mean you by that, sir?
Pup. Rump and taile's all one,
But I would use a reverence for my lady:
I would not zay, sur-reverence, the tale
Out of your mouth, but rather take the rump.
But I would use a reverence for my lady:
I would not zay, sur-reverence, the tale
Out of your mouth, but rather take the rump.
Dame T. A well-bred youth! and vull of favour you are.
Pup. What might they zay, when I were gone, if I
Not weigh'd my words? This Puppy is a vool,
Great Hannibal's an ass; he hath no breeding:
No, lady gay, you shall not zay
That your Val. Puppy, was so unlucky,
In speech to fail, as to name a tail,
Be as be may be, 'vore a fair lady.
Not weigh'd my words? This Puppy is a vool,
Great Hannibal's an ass; he hath no breeding:
No, lady gay, you shall not zay
That your Val. Puppy, was so unlucky,
In speech to fail, as to name a tail,
Be as be may be, 'vore a fair lady.
Lady T. Leave jesting; tell us when you saw our son,
Pup. Marry, it is two hours ago.
Lady T. Since you saw him?
Pup. You might have seen him too, if you had look'd up;
For it shined as bright as day.
For it shined as bright as day.
Lady T. I mean my son.
Pup. Your sun, and our sun, are they not all one?
Lady T. Fool, thou mistak'st; I ask'd thee for my son.
Pup. I had thought there had been no more sons than one.
I know not what you ladies have, or may have.
I know not what you ladies have, or may have.
Pol. Didst thou ne'er hear my lady had a son?
Pup. She may have twenty; but for a son, unless
She mean precisely, 'squire Tub, her zon,
He was here now, and brought my master word
That justice Bramble had got mistress Awdrey:
But whither he be gone, here's none can tell.
She mean precisely, 'squire Tub, her zon,
He was here now, and brought my master word
That justice Bramble had got mistress Awdrey:
But whither he be gone, here's none can tell.
Lady T. Martin, I wonder at this strange discourse:
The fool, it seems, tells true; my son the 'squire
Was doubtless here this morning: for the match,
I'll smother what I think, and staying here,
Attend the sequel of this strange beginning.
Turfe's wife, my people and I will trouble thee
Until we hear some tidings of thy husband;
[Exeunt.The rather for my party-valentine.
The fool, it seems, tells true; my son the 'squire
Was doubtless here this morning: for the match,
I'll smother what I think, and staying here,
Attend the sequel of this strange beginning.
Turfe's wife, my people and I will trouble thee
Until we hear some tidings of thy husband;
[Exeunt.The rather for my party-valentine.
- ↑ And a device of hers.] i. e. an animated puppet. Device (vice) was the name given to every piece of machinery moved by wheels or wires. See vol. iv. p. 41.
- ↑ 'Twould make me a man of mark.] It would appear from this that the line above ("there are ten old nobles,") was corrupt, and that we should read, Hold, there is an old noble; but I have changed nothing. The quibble between noble and mark, (the latter being double the value of the former) is a favourite with our old writers. Thus, in The Puritan: "A man of mark, quoth-a! I do not think he can shew a beggar's noble. A. I. Sc. 3. See p. 89.
- ↑ Young justice Bramble has kept level coyl.] i. e. (in our old dramatists) riot or disturbance. But, properly, level coil is a game in which each of the parties strives to supplant and win the place of the other. The childish play of catch-corner comes something near it. Coles derives it from the Italian (levar il culo,) and calls it pitch-buttock. If there be two plays of the name, it is well; this may then be one of them.