The Works of the Rev. Jonathan Swift/Volume 13/From Allen Bathurst to Jonathan Swift - 6
FROM LORD BATHURST.
THOUGH you never answer any of my letters, and I can never have a line from you, except in parliament time about an Irish cause, I do insist that without delay you give me either by yourself or agents immediate satisfaction in these points. First, whether that article which I read in the news about one Butler a shooting parson be true or not? secondly, whether he has yet begged pardon, and attested upon oath that it was without design, and by accident that the gun went off? In case the fact be true, and that he has not yet made any sufficient or reasonable excuse, I require of you that you do immediately get some able painter to draw his picture, and send it over to me, and I will order a great number of prints to be made of it, which shall be dispersed over all parts of the known world, that such a worthless rascal may not go any where without being known. I make no doubt of his being immediately drove out of Ireland, such a brutal attempt upon the Drapier cannot be born there; and he would not venture into England when these prints of his person are sent about, for he would certainly be knocked on the head in the first village he passes through. Perhaps he may think to skulk in Holland, the common refuge of all scoundrels; but he will soon find out, that doctor Swuft (for so they pronounce the name) is in great esteem there, for his learning and political writings. In France he would meet with worse reception; for his wit is relished there, and many of his tracts, though spoiled by translation, are yet more admired than what is writ by any among themselves. Should he go into Spain, he would find that don Swifto is in the highest estimation, being thought to be lineally descended from Miguel de Cervantes, by a daughter of Quevedo's. Perhaps he may think to be safe in Poland during the time of these troubles; but I can assure him, from the mouth of a Polish lady, who was lately in London, by name madam de Montmorency (for she was married to a French gentleman of that great family) that Dr. Swift is perfectly well known there; and she was very solicitous to know whether he were a Stanislaist or not, she being a zealous partizan for that cause.
Now if this brute of a parson should find no security in Europe, and therefore slip into the East Indies in some Dutch ship, for a Dutchman may be found who would carry the Devil for a stiver or two extraordinary, he will be confoundedly surprised to find that Dr. Swift is known in China, and that next to Confucius his writings are in the greatest esteem. The missionaries have translated several European books into their language; but I am well informed that none of them have taken so well as his; and the Chinese, who are a very ingenious people, reckon Sif the only author worth reading. It is well known that in Persia Kouli khan was at the pains to translate his works himself; being born a Scotsman, he understood them very well, and I am credibly informed that he read The Battle of the Books the night before he gave that great defeat to the Persian army. If he hears of this, he may imagine that he shall find good reception at Constantinople; but he will be bit there; for many years ago an English renegado slave translated effendi Soif for them, and told them it was writ by an Englishman, with a design to introduce the Mahometan religion; this having got him his liberty, and although it is not believed by the effendi, the book and the author are in the greatest esteem among them. If he goes into America, he will not be received into any English, French, or Spanish settlement; so that in all probability he would be soon scalped by the wild Indians; and in truth there would be no manner of shame that a head should be uncovered that has so little brains in it. Brutality and ill nature proceed from the want of sense; therefore without having ever heard of him before, I can decide what he is, from this single action. Now I really believe no layman could have done such a thing. The wearing petticoats gives to most of the clergy (a few only excepted of superiour understanding) certain feminine dispositions. They are commonly subject to malice and envy, and give more free vent to those passions: possibly for the same reason that women are observed to do so, because they cannot be called to account for it. When one of us does a brutal action to another, he may have his head broke, or be whipped through the lungs; but all who wear petticoats are secure from such accidents. Now to avoid farther trouble, I hope by this time his gown is stripped off his back, and the boys of Dublin have drawn him through a horsepond. Send me an account of this, and I shall be satisfied. Adieu, dear dean; I am got to the end of my paper, but you may be assured that my regard for you will only end with the last breath of your faithful servant.