Vanity of pride/Matrimonial deafness

MATRIMONIAL DEAFNESS.

TWO ears at a time are too many for use,
as they're only the inlets of strife;
And some may be found, who (tho' wife) would refuse,
to possess these fair organs of life.

This deafness oft times of advantage is found,
misfortunes may turn to a blessing,
When nonsense ⟨distracts⟩, or when tumults abound,
they then lose their force of distressing.

I wisely am taught to be deaf with one ear,
while the other for use I employ,
One gate I shut up against trouble and care,
and the other keep open for joy.

When my Comfort begins her windpipe to clear,
with peals that would rend worlds asunder,
Serenely I sit and cock up my deaf ear,
unmov'd 'midst the roar of her thunder.

T'other day comes a dun, with "Sir, you well know,"
"What say you? speak louder a little;"
"You know, Sir, you borrow'd full 12 months ago—"
"Alas, friend! I can't hear a title."

"You owe me ten pounds," much louder he cries,
and repeats it as loud as he can,
Then I point to my ears, and stare with my eyes,
till he scarcely believes me the man.

I, grave as a Don, cry "My hearing's quite lost,"
"And my money," says he, "too I fear,
"Pox on him 'tis folly to talk to a post;"
So he leaves me as mad as a hare.

Thus my life, night and day, in soft indolence flows,
scolding, dunning, nor bawling I fear,
Ye marry'd men all then, that wish for repose,
mind, and always be deaf with one ear.