140. Now was the battle won, and down fell I, as a bird that is shot from the top. of a tree, into great guilt and fearful despair. Thus, getting out of my bed, I went moping into the feld—but, God knows, with as heavy a heart as mortal man, I think, could bear—where for the space of about two hours I was like a man bereft of life, and, as now, past all recovery, and bound over to eternal punishment.
141. And withal that scripture did seize upon my soul, "or profane person, as Esau, who for one morsel of meat sold his birthright. For ye know how that afterward, when he would have inherited the blessing, he was rejected: for he found no place of repentance, though he sought it carefully with tears" (Heb. xii. 16, 17).
142. Now was I as one bound; I felt myself shut up into the judgment to some; nothing now, for years together, would abide with me but damnation and an expectation of damnation. I say, nothing now would abide with me but this save some few moments for relief, as in the sequel you will see.
143. These words were to my soul like fetters of brass to my legs, in the continual sound of which I went for several months together. But about ten or eleven o'clock on that day, as I was walking under a hedge, full of sorrow and guilt, God knows, and bemoaning myself for this hard hap that such a thought should arise within me, suddenly this sentence rushed in upon me, The blood of Christ remits all guilt. At this I made a stand in my spirit. With that this word took hold upon me, The blood of Jesus Christ his Son cleanseth us from all sin" (1 John i. 7).
144. Now I began to conceive peace in my soul, and methought I saw as if the tempter did leer and steal away from me, as being ashamed of what he had done. At the same time also I had my sin and the blood of Christ represented to me—that my sin, when compared to the blood of Christ, was no more to it than this little clod or stone before me is to this vast and wide field that here I see. This gave me good
