encouragement for the space of two or three hours; in which time also me thought I saw by faith the Son of God as suffering for my sins. But because it tarried not, I therefore sunk in my spirit under exceeeding guilt again.
145. But chiefly by the aforementioned scripture concerning Esau's selling of his birthright, for that scripture would lie all day long in my mind; for when I would strive to turn me to this scripture or that for relief, still that sentence would he sounding in me: "For ye know how that afterward, when he would have inherited the blessing......he found no place of repentance, though he sought it carefully with tears."
146. Sometimes, indeed, I should have a touch from that in Luke xxii. 32, "I have prayed for thee, that thy faith fail not;" but it would not abide upon me, neither could I indeed, when: I considered my state, find ground to conceive in the least that there should he the root of that grace in me, having sinned as I had done. Now was I tore and rent in a heavy, case for many days together.
147. Then began I, with sad and careful heart, to consider of the nature and largeness of my sin, and to search into the Word of God if I could in any place espy a word of promise by which I might take relief. Wherefore I began to consider that Mark iii, "All manner of sins shall be forgiven unto the Sons of men, and blasphemies wherewith soever they shall blaspheme"—which place methought, at a blush, did contain a large and glorious promise for the pardon of high offences. But considering the place more fully, I thought it was rather to be understood as relating more chiefly to those who had, while in a natural state, committed such things as there are mentioned; but not to me, who had not only received light and mercy, but that had, both after and also contrary to that, so slighted Christ as I had done.
148. I feared, therefore, that this wicked sin of mine might be that sin unpardonable of which he there thus speaketh: "But he that shall blaspheme against Holy Ghost hath
