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Songs and Lyrics (Lehrer)/The Ice Cream Tango

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3414444Songs and Lyrics — The Ice Cream TangoThomas Andrew Lehrer

THE ICE CREAM TANGO

(written for the 1973 production at UCSC of the musical Park)
words and music by Tom Lehrer

Elizabeth: [spoken] Do you know what I would really like right now?
[sung] I would like ---- some ice cream.
Sara & Jamie: Me too!
Elizabeth: I would like ---- a cone.
Sara & Jamie: Me too!
Austin: Me too!
Elizabeth:

It would really hit the spot,
And make me feel a lot
Like a queen upon a throne.

Jamie: [spoken] What flavor does your majesty crave?
Elizabeth: I would like ---- vanilla.
Jamie: Me too!
Austin: Not me. Iʼll take chocʼlate.
Sara: I want peach.
Jamie: [spoken] Peach??
Sara: [spoken] All right, chocʼlate.
Elizabeth:

But wouldnʼt it be pleasant,
Some day when no oneʼs present,
To order one of each.

Sara: [spoken] Including peach! [Sara and Jamie stick tongues out at each other.]
Austin: Would you rather have a dish?
Elizabeth: [spoken] A bit too fancyish!
Austin: Would you like it on a plate?
Elizabeth: [spoken] Itʼs good -- but not great.
Austin: Would you like it on a stick?
Sara & Jamie: [spoken] Ick!
Austin:

Well, how about a cup? [others shake their heads]
Okay, four cones, coming up!
Iʼll go and get the ice cream.

Jamie: Me too! You canʼt carry them alone.
Elizabeth & Sara: Heʼs right.
Austin: I know.
Jamie: Two chocʼlates, two vanillas,
Elizabeth & Sara: Two chocʼlates, two vanillas.
Austin: For nothing the world has ever known........
Jamie: Nothing the world has ever known.......
Elizabeth & Sara: Nothing the world has ever known
All [in harmony]: Can compare with an ice cream
Elizabeth: Cone!
Austin & Jamie I want an ice cream cone!
Elizabeth & Sara: [spoken] Me too!

A possible scene to set up “The Ice Cream Tango”

(Possibly some introductory dialogue, indicating that the four people are friends, that it is summer, etc.)

(Bell rings offstage)

A: What's that?

B: Could it be an ice cream truck?

C: I didn't think they existed any more.

D: Remember when we were kids how we used to look forward to the Good Humor Man?

(All laugh) (trill in the music)

Soprano: (spoken) As a matter of fact, do you know what I would really like right now?

(sings) I would like some ice cream.......


Possible scene after the song

(During "two chocolates, two vanillas", A looks out the window.)

A: Hey, he's gone!

(All register disappointment.)

B: He must have left while we were standing around here singing.

All resume singing with "Nothing the world has ever known", etc.