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Index:The Innocents Abroad (1869).djvu

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Title The Innocents Abroad
Author Mark Twain
Illustrator True Williams
Year 1869
Publisher American Publishing Company
Location Hartford, Conn.
Source djvu
Progress Proofread—All pages of the work proper are proofread, but not all are validated
Transclusion Fully transcluded
Pages (key to Page Status)
Cover - - - - - - - - - - - i ii iii iv v vi vii viii ix x xi xii xiii xiv xv xvi xvii xviii 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 94 95 96 97 98 99 100 101 102 103 104 105 106 107 108 109 110 111 112 113 114 115 116 117 118 119 120 121 122 123 124 125 126 127 128 129 130 131 132 133 134 135 136 137 138 139 140 141 142 143 144 145 146 147 148 149 150 151 152 153 154 155 156 157 158 159 160 161 162 163 164 165 166 167 168 169 170 171 172 173 174 175 176 177 178 179 180 181 182 183 184 185 186 187 188 189 190 191 192 193 194 195 196 197 198 199 200 201 202 203 204 205 206 207 208 209 210 211 212 213 214 215 216 217 218 219 220 221 222 223 224 225 226 227 228 229 230 231 232 233 234 235 236 237 238 239 240 241 242 243 244 245 246 247 248 249 250 251 252 253 254 255 256 257 258 259 260 261 262 263 264 265 266 267 268 269 270 271 272 273 274 275 276 277 278 279 280 281 282 283 284 285 286 287 288 289 290 291 292 293 294 295 296 297 298 299 300 301 302 303 304 305 306 307 308 309 310 311 312 313 314 315 316 317 318 319 320 321 322 323 324 325 326 327 328 329 330 331 332 333 334 335 336 337 338 339 340 341 342 343 344 345 346 347 348 349 350 351 352 353 354 355 356 357 358 359 360 361 362 363 364 365 366 367 368 369 370 371 372 373 374 375 376 377 378 379 380 381 382 383 384 385 386 387 388 389 390 391 392 393 394 395 396 397 398 399 400 401 402 403 404 405 406 407 408 409 410 411 412 413 414 415 416 417 418 419 420 421 422 423 424 425 426 427 428 429 430 431 432 433 434 435 436 437 438 439 440 441 442 443 444 445 446 447 448 449 450 451 452 453 454 455 456 457 458 459 460 461 462 463 464 465 466 467 468 469 470 471 472 473 474 475 476 477 478 479 480 481 482 483 484 485 486 487 488 489 490 491 492 493 494 495 496 497 498 499 500 501 502 503 504 505 506 507 508 509 510 511 512 513 514 515 516 517 518 519 520 521 522 523 524 525 526 527 528 529 530 531 532 533 534 535 536 537 538 539 540 541 542 543 544 545 546 547 548 549 550 551 552 553 554 555 556 557 558 559 560 561 562 563 564 565 566 567 568 569 570 571 572 573 574 575 576 577 578 579 580 581 582 583 584 585 586 587 588 589 590 591 592 593 594 595 596 597 598 599 600 601 602 603 604 605 606 607 608 609 610 611 612 613 614 615 616 617 618 619 620 621 622 623 624 625 626 627 628 629 630 631 632 633 634 635 636 637 638 639 640 641 642 643 644 645 646 647 648 649 650 651 Ad Ad Ad Ad Ad - - - - - - - Cover

CONTENTS.



PAGE
Popular Talk of the Excursion—Programme of the Trip—Duly Ticketed for the Excursion—Defection of the Celebrities 19
Grand Preparations—An Imposing Dignitary—The European Exodus—Mr. Blucher’s Opinion—Stateroom No. 10—The Assembling of the Clans—At Sea at Last 26
“Averaging” the Passengers—“Far, far at Sea”—Tribulation among the Patriarchs—Seeking Amusement under Difficulties—Five Captains in the Ship 32
The Pilgrims Becoming Domesticated—Pilgrim Life at Sea—“Horse-Billiards”—The “Synagogue”—The Writing School—Jack’s “Journal”—The “Q. C. Club”—The Magic Lantern—State Ball on Deck—Mock Trials—Charades—Pilgrim Solemnity—Slow Music—The Executive Officer Delivers an Opinion 38
Summer in Mid-Atlantic—An Eccentric Moon—Mr. Blucher Loses Confidence—The Mystery of “Ship Time”—The Denizens of the Deep—“Land-Ho!”—The First Landing on a Foreign Shore—Sensation among the Natives—Something about the Azores Islands—Blucher’s Disastrous Dinner—The Happy Result 47
Solid Information—A Fossil Community—Curious Ways and Customs—Jesuit Humbuggery—Fantastic Pilgrimizing—Origin of the Russ Pavement—Squaring Accounts with the Fossils—At Sea Again 55
A Tempest at Night—Spain and Africa on Exhibition—Greeting a Majestic Stranger—The Pillars of Hercules—The Rock of Gibraltar—Tiresome Repetition—“The Queen’s Chair”—Serenity Conquered—Curiosities of the Secret Caverns—Personnel of Gibraltar—Some Odd Characters—A Private Frolic in Africa—Bearding a Moorish Garrison (without loss of life)—Vanity Rebuked—Disembarking in the Empire of Morocco 62
The Ancient City of Tangier, Morocco—Strange Sights—A Cradle of Antiquity—We become Wealthy—How they Rob the Mail in Africa—The Danger of being Opulent in Morocco 76
A Pilgrim in Deadly Peril—How they Mended the Clock—Moorish Punishments for Crime—Marriage Customs—Looking Several ways for Sunday—Shrewd Practice of Mohammedan Pilgrims—Reverence for Cats—Bliss of being a Consul-General 83
Fourth of July at Sea—Mediterranean Sunset—The “Oracle” is Delivered of an Opinion—Celebration Ceremonies—The Captain’s Speech—France in Sight—The Ignorant Native—In Marseilles—Another Blunder—Lost in the Great City—Found Again—A Frenchy Scene 90
Getting “Used to it”—No Soap—Bill of Fare, Table d’hôte—“An American Sir!”—A Curious Discovery—The “Pilgrim” Bird—Strange Companionship—A Grave of the Living—A Long Captivity—Some of Dumas’ Heroes—Dungeon of the Famous “Iron Mask.” 98
A Holiday Flight through France—Summer Garb of the Landscape—Abroad on the Great Plains—Peculiarities of French Cars—French Politeness—American Railway Officials—“Twenty Minutes to Dinner!”—Why there are no Accidents—The “Old Travellers”—Still on the Wing—Paris at Last—French Order and Quiet—Place of the Bastile—Seeing the Sights—A Barbarous Atrocity—Absurd Billiards 105
More Trouble—Monsieur Billfinger—Re-Christening the Frenchman—In the Clutches of a Paris Guide—The International Exposition—Fine Military Review—Glimpse of the Emperor Napoleon and the Sultan of Turkey 118
The Venerable Cathedral of Notre-Dame—Jean Sanspeur’s Addition—Treasures and Sacred Relics—The Legend of the Cross—The Morgue—The Outrageous Can-Can—Blondin Aflame—The Louvre Palace—The Great Park—Showy Pageantry—Preservation of Noted Things 130
French National Burying-Ground—Among the Great Dead—The Shrine of Disappointed Love—The Story of Abelard and Heloise—“English Spoken Here”—“American Drinks Compounded Here”—Imperial Honors to an American—The Over-estimated Grisette—Departure from Paris—A Deliberate Opinion Concerning the Comeliness of American Women 139
Versailles—Paradise Regained—A Wonderful Park—Paradise Lost—Napoleonic Strategy 153
War—The American Forces Victorious—“Home Again”—Italy in Sight—The “City of Palaces”—Beauty of the Genoese Women—The “Stub-Hunters”—Among the Palaces—Gifted Guide—Church Magnificence—“Women not Admitted”—How the Genoese Live—Massive Architecture—A Scrap of Ancient History—Graves for 60,000 159
Flying Through Italy—Marengo—First Glimpse of the Famous Cathedral—Description of some of its Wonders—A Horror Carved in Stone—An Unpleasant Adventure—A Good Man—A Sermon from the Tomb—Tons of Gold and Silver—Some More Holy Relics—Solomon’s Temple Rivalled 171
“Do You Wis zo Haut can be?”—La Scala—Petrarch and Laura—Lucrezia Borgia—Ingenious Frescoes—Ancient Roman Amphitheatre—A Clever Delusion—Distressing Billiards—The Chief Charm of European Life—An Italian Bath—Wanted: Soap—Crippled French—Mutilated English—The Most Celebrated Painting in the World—Amateur Raptures—Uninspired Critics—Anecdote—A Wonderful Echo—A Kiss for a Franc 183
Rural Italy by Rail—Fumigated, According to Law—The Sorrowing Englishman—Night by the Lake of Como—The Famous Lake—Its Scenery—Como compared with Tahoe—Meeting a Shipmate 199
The Pretty Lago di Lecco—A Carriage Drive in the Country—Astonishing Sociability in a Coachman—A Sleepy Land—Bloody Shrines—The Heart and Home of Priestcraft—A Thrilling Mediæval Romance—The Birthplace of Harlequin—Approaching Venice 207
Night in Venice—The “Gay Gondolier"—The Grand Fête by Moonlight—The Notable Sights of Venice—The Mother of the Republics Desolate 217
The Famous Gondola—The Gondola in an Unromantic Aspect—The Great Square of St. Mark and the Winged Lion—Snobs, at Home and Abroad—Sepulchres of the Great Dead—A Tilt at the “Old Masters"—A Contraband Guide—The Conspiracy—Moving Again 228
Down Through Italy by Rail—Idling in Florence—Dante and Galileo—An Ungrateful City—Dazzling Generosity—Wonderful Mosaics—The Historical Arno—Lost Again—Found Again, but no Fatted Calf Ready—The Leaning Tower of Pisa—The Ancient Duomo—The Old Original First Pendulum that Ever Swung—An Enchanting Echo—A New Holy Sepulchre—A Relic of Antiquity—A Fallen Republic—At Leghorn—At Home Again, and Satisfied, on Board the Ship—Our Vessel an Object of Grave Suspicion—Gen. Garibaldi Visited—Threats of Quarantine 244
The Works of Bankruptcy—Railway Grandeur—How to Fill an Empty Treasury—The Sumptuousness of Mother Church—Ecclesiastical Splendor—Magnificence and Misery—General Execration—More Magnificence—A Good Word for the Priests—Civita Vecchia the Dismal—Off for Rome 255
The Modern Roman on His Travels—The Grandeur of St. Peter’s—Holy Relics—Grand View from the Dome—The Holy Inquisition—Interesting Old Monkish Frauds—The Ruined Coliseum—The Coliseum in the Days of its Prime—Ancient Play-bill of a Coliseum Performance—A Roman Newspaper Criticism 1700 Years Old 266
“Butchered to Make a Roman Holiday”—The Man who Never Complained—An Exasperating Subject—Asinine Guides—The Roman Catacombs—The Saint Whose Fervor Burst his Ribs—The Miracle of the Bleeding Heart—The Legend of Ara Cœli 284
Picturesque Horrors—The Legend of Brother Thomas—Sorrow Scientifically Analyzed—A Festive Company of the Dead—The Great Vatican Museum—Artist Sins of Omission—The Rape of the Sabines—Papal Protection of Art—High Price of “Old Masters”—Improved Scripture—Scale of Rank of the Holy Personages in Rome—Scale of Honors Accorded Them—Fossilizing—Away for Naples 298
Naples—In Quarantine at Last—Annunciation—Ascent of Mount Vesuvius—A Two-Cent Community—The Black Side of Neapolitan Character—Monkish Miracles—Ascent of Mount Vesuvius Continued—The Stranger and the Hackman—Night View of Naples from the Mountain-side—Ascent of Mount Vesuvius Continued 308
Ascent of Mount Vesuvius Continued—Beautiful View at Dawn—Less Beautiful in the Back Streets—Ascent of Vesuvius Continued—Dwellings a Hundred Feet High—A Motley Procession—Bill of Fare for a Pedler’s Breakfast—Princely Salaries—Ascent of Vesuvius Continued—An Average of Prices—The wonderful “Blue Grotto”—Visit to Celebrated Localities in the Bay of Naples—The Poisoned “Grotto of the Dog”—A Petrified Sea of Lava—Ascent of Mount Vesuvius Continued—The Summit Reached—Description of the Crater—Descent of Vesuvius 315
The Buried City of Pompeii—How Dwellings Appear that have been Unoccupied for Eighteen Hundred Years—The Judgment Seat—Desolation—The Footprints of the Departed—“No Women Admitted”—Theatres, Bake-shops, Schools—Skeletons preserved by the Ashes and Cinders—The Brave Martyr to Duty—Rip Van Winkle—The Perishable Nature of Fame 327
At Sea Once More—The Pilgrims all Well—Superb Stromboli—Sicily by Moonlight—Scylla and Charybdis—The “Oracle” at Fault—Skirting the Isles of Greece—Ancient Athens—Blockaded by Quarantine and Refused Permission to Enter—Running the Blockade—A Bloodless Midnight Adventure—Turning Robbers from Necessity—Attempt to Carry the Acropolis by Storm—We Fail—Among the Glories of the Past—A World of Ruined Sculpture—A Fairy Vision—Famous Localities—Retreating in Good Order—Captured by the Guards—Travelling in Military State—Safe on Board Again 337
Modern Greece—Fallen Greatness—Sailing Through the Archipelago and the Dardanelles—Footprints of History—The First Shoddy Contractor of whom History gives any Account—Anchored Before Constantinople—Fantastic Fashions—The Ingenious Goose-Rancher—Marvelous Cripples—The Great Mosque—The Thousand and One Columns—The Grand Bazaar of Stamboul 354
Scarcity of Morals and Whiskey—Slave-Girl Market Report—Commercial Morality at a Discount—The Slandered Dogs of Constantinople—Questionable Delights of Newspaperdom in Turkey—Ingenious Italian Journalism—No More Turkish Lunches Desired—The Turkish Bath Fraud—The Narghileh Fraud—Jackplaned by a Native—The Turkish Coffee Fraud 368
Sailing Through the Bosporus and the Black Sea—“Far-Away Moses”—Melancholy Sebastopol—Hospitably Received in Russia—Pleasant English People—Desperate Fighting—Relic Hunting—How Travellers Form “Cabinets” 381
Nine Thousand Miles East—Imitation American Town in Russia—Gratitude that Came Too Late—To Visit the Autocrat of All the Russias 387
Summer Home of Royalty—Practising for the Dread Ordeal—Committee on Imperial Address—Reception by the Emperor and Family—Dresses of the Imperial Party—Concentrated Power—Counting the Spoons—At the Grand Duke’s—A Charming Villa—A Knightly Figure—The Grand Duchess—A Grand Ducal Breakfast—Baker’s Boy, the Famine-Breeder—Theatrical Monarchs a Fraud—Saved as by Fire—The Governor-General’s Visit to the Ship—Official “Style”—Aristocratic Visitors—“Munchausenizing” with Them—Closing Ceremonies 390
Return to Constantinople—We Sail for Asia—The Sailors Burlesque the Imperial Visitors—Ancient Smyrna—The “Oriental Splendor” Fraud—The “Biblical Crown of Life”—Pilgrim Prophecy-Savans—Sociable Armenian Girls—A Sweet Reminiscence—“The Camels are Coming, Ha-ha!” 403
Smyrna’s Lions—The Martyr Polycarp—The “Seven Churches”—Remains of the Six Smyrnas—Mysterious Oyster Mine—Oysters Seeking Scenery—A Millerite Tradition—A Railroad Out of its Sphere 412
Journeying Toward Ancient Ephesus—Ancient Ayassalook—The Villanous Donkey—A Fantastic Procession—Bygone Magnificence—Fragments of History—The Legend of the Seven Sleepers 418
Vandalism Prohibited—Angry Pilgrims—Approaching Holy Land!—The “Shrill Note of Preparation”—Distress About Dragomans and Transportation—The “Long Route” Adopted—In Syria—Something about Beirout—A Choice Specimen of a Greek “Ferguson”—Outfits—Hideous Horse-flesh—Pilgrim “Style”—What of Aladdin’s Lamp? 430
“Jacksonville,” in the Mountains of Lebanon—Breakfasting above a Grand Panorama—The Vanished City—The Peculiar Steed, “Jericho”—The Pilgrim’s Progress—Bible Scenes—Mount Hermon, Joshua’s Battle-Fields, etc.—The Tomb of Noah—A Most Unfortunate People 438
Patriarchal Customs—Magnificent Baalbec—Description of the Ruins—Scribbling Smiths and Joneses—Pilgrim Fidelity to the Letter of the Law—The Revered Fountain of Baalam’s Ass 445
Extracts from Note-Book—Mahomet’s Paradise and the Bible’s—Beautiful Damascus, the Oldest City on Earth—Oriental Scenes within the Curious Old City—Damascus Street Car—The Story of St. Paul—The “Street called Straight”—Mahomet’s Tomb and St. George’s—The Christian Massacre—Mohammedan Dread of Pollution—The House of Naaman—The Horrors of Leprosy 454
The Cholera by way of Variety—Hot—Another Outlandish Procession—Pen-and-Ink Photograph of “Jonesborough,” Syria—Tomb of Nimrod, the Mighty Hunter—The Stateliest Ruin of All—Stepping over the Borders of Holy Land—Bathing in the Sources of Jordan—More “Specimen”-Hunting—Ruins of Cesarea—Philippi—“On This Rock Will I Build my Church”—The People the Disciples Knew—The Noble Steed “Baalbec”—Sentimental Horse Idolatry of the Arabs 465
Dan—Bashan—Genessaret—A Notable Panorama—Smallness of Palestine—Scraps of History—Character of the Country—Bedouin Shepherds—Glimpses of the Hoary Past—Mr. Grimes’s Bedouins—A Battle-Ground of Joshua—That Soldier’s Manner of Fighting—Barak’s Battle—The Necessity of Unlearning Some Things—Desolation 478
“Jack’s Adventure”—Joseph’s Pit—The Story of Joseph—Joseph’s Magnanimity and Esau’s—The Sacred Lake of Genessaret—Enthusiasm of the Pilgrims—Why We did not Sail on Galilee—About Capernaum—Concerning the Saviour’s Brothers and Sisters—Journeying toward Magdala 488
Curious Specimens of Art and Architecture—Public Reception of the Pilgrims—Mary Magdalen’s House—Tiberias and its Queer Inhabitants—The Sacred Sea of Galilee—Galilee by Night 503
The Ancient Baths—Ye Apparition—A Distinguished Panorama—The Last Battle of the Crusades—The Story of the Lord of Kerak—Mount Tabor—What one Sees from its Top—Memory of a Wonderful Garden—The House of Deborah the Prophetess 514
Toward Nazareth—Bitten By a Camel—Grotto of the Annunciation, Nazareth—Noted Grottoes in General—Joseph’s Workshop—A Sacred Bowlder—The Fountain of the Virgin—Questionable Female Beauty—Literary Curiosities 525
The Boyhood of the Saviour—Unseemly Antics of Sober Pilgrims—Home of the Witch of Endor—Nain—Profanation—A Popular Oriental Picture—Biblical Metaphors Becoming steadily More Intelligible—The Shunem Miracle—The “Free Son of The Desert”—Ancient Jezreel—Jehu’s Achievements—Samaria and its Famous Siege 537
Curious Remnant of the Past—Shechem—The Oldest “First Family” on Earth—The Oldest Manuscript Extant—The Genuine Tomb of Joseph—Jacob’s Well—Shiloh—Camping with the Arabs—Jacob’s Ladder—More Desolation—Ramah, Beroth, the Tomb of Samuel, The Fountain of Beira—Impatience—Approaching Jerusalem—The Holy City in Sight—Noting Its Prominent Features—Domiciled Within the Sacred Walls 551
“The Joy of the Whole Earth”—Description of Jerusalem—Church of the Holy Sepulchre—The Stone of Unction—The Grave of Jesus—Graves of Nicodemus and Joseph of Arimathea—Places of the Apparition—The Finding of the There Crosses—The Legend—Monkish Impostures—The Pillar of Flagellation—The Place of a Relic—Godfrey’s Sword—“The Bonds of Christ”—“The Center of the Earth”—Place whence the Dust was taken of which Adam was Made—Grave of Adam—The Martyred Soldier—The Copper Plate that was on the Cross—The Good St. Helena—Place of the Division of the Garments—St. Dimas, the Penitent Thief—The Late Emperor Maximilian’s Contribution—Grotto wherein the Crosses were Found, and the Nails, and the Crown of Thorns—Chapel of the Mocking—Tomb of Melchizedek—Graves of Two Renowned Crusaders—The Place of the Crucifixion 558
The “Sorrowful Way”—The Legend of St. Veronica’s Handkerchief—An Illustrious Stone—House of the Wandering Jew—The Tradition of the Wanderer—Solomon’s Temple—Mosque of Omar—Moslem Traditions—“Women not Admitted”—The Fate of a Gossip—Turkish Sacred Relics—Judgment Seat of David and Saul—Genuine Precious Remains of Solomon’s Temple—Surfeited with Sights—The Pool of Siloam—The Garden of Gethsemane and Other Sacred Localities 574
Rebellion in the Camp—Charms of Nomadic Life—Dismal Rumors—En Route for Jericho and The Dead Sea—Pilgrim Strategy—Bethany and the Dwelling of Lazarus—“Bedouins!”—Ancient Jericho—Misery—The Night March—The Dead Sea—An Idea of What a “Wilderness” in Palestine is—The Holy hermits of Mars Saba—Good St. Saba—Women not Admitted—Buried from the World for all Time—Unselfish Catholic Benevolence—Gazelles—The Plain of the Shepherds—Birthplace of the Saviour, Bethlehem—Church of the Nativity—Its Hundred Holy Places—The Famous “Milk” Grotto—Tradition—Return to Jerusalem—Exhausted 586
Departure from Jerusalem—Samson—The Plain of Sharon—Arrival at Joppa—Horse of Simon the Tanner—The Long Pilgrimage Ended—Character of Palestine Scenery—The Curse 604
The Happiness of being at Sea once more—“Home” as it is in a Pleasure-Ship—“Shaking Hands” with the Vessel—Jack in Costume—His Father’s Parting Advice—Approaching Egypt—Ashore in Alexandria—A Deserved Compliment for the Donkeys—Invasion of the Lost Tribes of America—End of the Celebrated “Jaffa Colony”—Scenes in Grand Cairo—Shepheard’s Hotel Contrasted with a Certain American Hotel—Preparing for the Pyramids 609
“Recherché” Donkeys—A Wild Ride—Specimens of Egyptian Modesty—Moses in the Bulrushes—Place where the Holy Family Sojourned—Distant view of the Pyramids—A Nearer View—The Ascent—Superb View from the top of the Pyramid—“Backsheesh! Backsheesh!”—An Arab Exploit—In the Bowels of the Pyramid—Strategy—Reminiscence of “Holiday’s Hill”—Boyish Exploit—The Majestic Sphynx—Things the Author will not Tell—Grand Old Egypt 618
Going Home—A Demoralized Note-Book—A Boy’s Diary—Mere Mention of Old Spain—Departure from Cadiz—A Deserved Rebuke—The Beautiful Madeiras—Tabooed—In the Delightful Bermudas—An English Welcome—Good-by to “Our Friends the Bermudians”—Packing Trunks for Home—Our First Accident—The Long Cruise Drawing to a Close—At Home—Amen 635
Thankless Devotion—A Newspaper Valedictory—Conclusion 638
A Newspaper Valedictory 643
Conclusion 648