O, Cato, what an absurdly funny thing,
worthy for you to hear and laugh at!
Laugh, as much as you love Catullus, Cato.
The thing is too absurd and funny.
I just found a young boy having sex with a girl:
May it please Diona, I attacked him
with my rigid thing, using it as a spear.
Ō rem rīdiculam, Catō, et iocōsam
Dignamque auribus et tuō cachinnō.
Rīdē, quidquid amās, Catō, Catullum:
Rēs est rīdicula et nimis iocōsa.
Dēprendī modo pūpulum puellae
Trūsantem: hunc ego, sī placet Diōnae,
Prō tēlō rigidā meā cecīdī.